When was the last time a shark tried to have you as snack, or you were chased by a tiger, or kidnapped by aliens?
The scariest thing we usually face these days are: weather, bad customer service, horrible drivers, the internet, our own poor choices, and uncertainty.
Because of the rush and roar of society people feel like everything is a big deal…hint hint, not really true.
1. Social media is designed to offend, like a raging tornado it hits people with so many different points of view, beliefs, feelings – it actually has to offend someone. So hunker down and give yourself a protective barrier it can tear away first. Stay safe.
2. Critical thinking helps us survive and thrive, makes us stay on our feet when trying to escape a mob or drop to the ground to crawl out during a fire. Doesn’t mean you can’t be positive, but be positively prepared.
3. Bills, weather, time, money, love, life, death, illness, even worrying about what you say or do. You can’t please everyone, even on a good day. Worry is passive and you still have to move forward.
4. You get into bad situations, whether it be with overindulging in food, drink, gambling, anger, getting lost in the woods, swimming into shark-infested waters, investing in the wrong thing, etc. You can beat yourself up, wallow, get eaten, or you can figure out which way is out of the woods with a stick and the sun, punch the sharks in the nose and swim for it, or pick yourself up, dust yourself off, accept responsibility and don’t put your picnic blanket on a fire ant hill again. I always say, don’t worry about falling, there’s no time limit on getting back up.
5. You believed when you shouldn’t have believed; perhaps you walked into a dark cave even when you heard growling because you read it was full of pirate’s gold. Humans should be skeptical, it’s a survival instinct. We’ve all fallen for things, for people. The internet is a seething mass of bizarre WTF moments. Being skeptical isn’t bad, it’s what kept us alive for thousands of years.
6. You wanted to believe that family, friends, government, corporations, etc. had your best interests at heart, but sometimes your life turns into a made-for-TV movie and you can’t change the channel. At times there are happy endings, other times it’s Murder, She Wrote – just make sure you’re Jessica Fletcher and figure out who are the good guys and whodunit.
7. You stayed too long and put up with too much; you feel crushed, less, you’re questioning yourself. It’s not too late to remember that underneath those bootprints, you’re still you.
8. You see now your dreams were too big. You get lost in the mall, how could you explore the Amazon? You can barely stay focused on reading a book, how could you write one? You feel sick on at the top of a ferris wheel, how can you climb Mount Everest? Dreams sometimes have to be tweaked or modified, but it doesn’t mean they can’t come true, on some level.
9. You got comfy, you settled, you forgot to be grateful, well, not forgot so much as put it to the back of your mind. Then you’re being confronted by a giant bear in the backyard and suddenly you’re very grateful for the walls, doors, and the phone to call for help.
10. You’ve been down so long you don’t remember your way up or the ladder is gone. Use your MacGyver skills to fashion a ladder out of dust balls (thank goodness you didn’t have time to sweep last week), a stick of gum, hair, and some spit, then climb out.
Sometimes when you’re attacked, even by life you’ve got to smash it’s ears with both hands, kick it in the knee or the groin and run, but other times you have to understand, life is just trying to wake you up – it sure does a good job of that some days. Gee, thanks life.
some are living…
In my life I loved them all.
Why do we love when it hurts so much to lose those we love?
How would you answer this question, dear readers?
My answer is as simple and as complex as love itself.
I don’t know for sure, but I think because it feels so amazing to love and be loved, also, we need each other and love connects in a way that nothing else can.
Love and loss haunt me these days.
I decided reading would offer it’s usual distraction.
As I read Love, Rosie aka Where Rainbows End by Cecelia Ahern (Hachette Books), I felt like I was watching a long Friends episode.
Beyond wanting to swat the characters for being such annoying goofs, I was left with a nagging feeling about love and communication and their places in the modern world.
This book and movie adaptation wouldn’t have happened if the two main characters even once had a simple, honest conversation. There, end of book and they lived more or less happily ever after.
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? We can communicate each moment of every day in multiple ways, yet our communication skills seem to be deteriorating. Does non-stop communication help if we’re not telling each other what we really need to know?
Ahern also wrote P.S. I Love You, a funny and poignant book, with the beautiful lesson of going on when you’re ready to go on, how you’re ready to go on, after any kind of loss, but I still liked the movie better – I blame Harry Connick Jr.
I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean it. There’s also: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Gerard Butler, and James Marsters. Oops, I’m sorry book, probably should have read you before I saw the movie. The characters didn’t give me what I wanted, I didn’t feel a sincerity or connection, or maybe I was expecting too much.
Love comes into our lives in many ways, family, friends, lovers, partners; to fill, enrich, challenge, sustain, nurture, embrace, excite, thrill, comfort, cherish, and support us.
It also leaves in many ways.
How can love continue to breathe when it’s viciously torn away, crushed, betrayed, taken for granted, withdrawn, or ignored?
Because it once was and in some way, somewhere, will always be.
I lost someone I love very much yesterday.
I really can’t imagine a world without…but I must.
Gone from this world, but forever in my heart.
Which weirdly leads me to Week 4 of my Changes/Happiness Project. I wanted to fall in love again with life, and despite the loss life has repeatedly pummeled me with, I want to keep loving. Here are the first 3 weeks of challenges, if you wish to follow along, or just read about it.
Week 4 (has it really been that long?):
1. Decide on 5 things I’d love to do today and just do them (within the limits of time, budget, circumstances, etc.)
2. New bedtime routine: think of 5 things that went well or I was grateful for today and 5 things to hope for, in days ahead.
3. Write down 10 things I want to change, but think I can’t…try to change them.
4. Avoid the cake stalking me. You give cake a bad name. It’s the power of cake. You’d think that people would have had enough of silly cake songs… Don’t know how much longer I can hold out.
5. Reduce stimuli (mental and physical).
6. Remove a 100 calories per day (chocolate, I still love you, but there’s going to be a shortage of you soon and we have to get used to being apart…ok, that’s long enough.)
7. Construction begins on our street. Allow some time each day to admire the
So why do we love when it hurts so much to lose people?
You don’t turn down the greatest gift in the world just because you can’t keep it forever.
Skeletons in my closet
Woah-oh, woah-oh yeah
Skeletons in my closet
Skeletons in my closet,
Skeletons in my shoes,
Skeletons I can only see,
Skeletons I can lose….
Skeletons in my basement, loitering on my streets, wearing my best pyjamas, sandwiched between my sheets….Donna? We want you! Donna, Donna! D-Donna, D-Donna, D-Donna, D-Donna?
~To paraphrase Alice Cooper (doubt he’d mind, he’s probably golfing).
The best thing about humans, we’re complex.
The worst thing about humans, we’re complex.
If we’re honest, we all have some skeletons in our closets.
Maybe not stuff you’d see on The Sopranos, Sons of Anarchy, Game of Thrones and hopefully nothing that would show up in a Stephen King novel. Just things we did that we wish we hadn’t done. Things we wish we hadn’t said. Things we’d like to hide away and forget ever happened.
We should show some love for those skeletons. They remind us of: tough times, poor judgment, mistakes, moments of weakness, intolerance, indifference, cruelty. Mine remind me of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned. Why not just live with them, make peace with our poor choices and our demons? They’re a part of us.
I know, I know, it’s more comfortable ignore the skeletons and think about, talk about, glory in the times when we did wonderful things.
When we showed kindness, empathy. When we built someone up and made someone feel better. Helped. Comforted. Supported. Cared. Loved.
But what about those times when we didn’t?
Most monsters are born of pain, despair, sorrow, loneliness, neglect, abuse, greed, apathy, and horrors.
As you grow older, you begin to care much less about pleasing others and worrying about what people think.
They’re going to think what they think.
You can try and try, but you can’t please everyone.
If you’re controlled by the past, how can you enjoy the present?
I’d rather have my skeletons out there, dancing (hey, they’re not bad dancers) than judging others and being a hypocrite.
It doesn’t matter who or where you come from and choices you’ve made, what matters is who you choose to be from now on.
We worry so much about skeletons while we have monsters to wrestle each day: pain, loss, hopes dashed, conflict, poverty, illness, loneliness, anger, disappointment, frustration, guilt. Make peace with the monsters so they don’t hurt others, even inadvertently.
One of my monsters is chronic illness. It fights to stop me from enjoying life and I do my warrior princess cry (in my head, it would be extremely disruptive to do it out loud) and fight back. I’ve lost a lot, but in the end, I show my monsters some compassion, they’re a part of me.
As long as no one gets hurt, invite your monsters and skeletons for a cup of tea and comfort…or wine…or coffee…or maybe something stronger depending on how long they’ve been in the closet. Don’t forget to offer them cookies, cake, and ummm, snow cones?
I wake up every morning to a monster in my room.
I try to speak to it, but it runs away too soon.
It sneaks in while I sleep, to hide behind my bed.
I can hear it breathing; does it want me dead?
What is it doing? Is it playing games?
I sip some tea and finally see,
that lovely monster is part of…me.
In the future, they’ll probably dig up 80’s movies and come to conclusions like: Ferris Bueller was a god, aliens could phone home from Earth, “wax on, wax off” was a common phrase, and paternity results were only told to your child in space, after you cut off their hand. They’re going to think the 80’s were even more messed up than they were.
And what was with romance in the 80’s?
Why sit on a table with a birthday cake and a cute boy? I can think of much better things to do…with that cake.
Everyone was dancing – dirty dancing, flashdancing, Kevin Bacon dancing (don’t know what else to call it).
A guy with a boom box and a trench coat outside your house…nowadays, restraining order, or it would go viral, or both.
Officers, gentlemen, risky business, funny business.
Adventures, in space or babysitting, as long as they were most excellent, dude.
Supernatural, psycho, science, time travel – sometimes all at once.
Where’d they get all the gremlins, goonies, vampires, muppets, and aliens?
Actually, that all sounds like the soundtrack to my 80’s.
Know what also ruled in the 80’s? Political incorrectness. Who could worry about offending anyone when girls just wanted to have fun and boys wanted girls to have fun, especially with them?
I kind of miss it. Sure, political correctness is good in theory, don’t say unto others what you don’t want said to you, but has the correctness over-corrected? I don’t know if you can change human nature, people just say weird stuff.
“That’s the best kind of cancer to have.” Let’s review that sentence. Nope, still looks weird. The best kind of cancer is no cancer.
“Don’t worry.” Why are they telling me not to worry, is it because they know I should be worried and they don’t want me to panic?
“Do you have a bathroom?” Did you mean to ask if you can use my bathroom, because yes, I have a bathroom, I don’t ‘go’ in the yard.
“Money won’t make you happy.” I think money and I would be very happy together, we’d make the perfect couple (couple of million).
“Time heals all wounds.” Not true. Time doesn’t heal anything, it just passes.
“If you get lost in the woods, don’t panic.” Of course I’m going to panic! I’m lost, in the woods!!! Surrounded by bears, badgers, and bugs, maybe zombies in the dark (when I picture being lost in the woods, it’s always dark), and with my luck, zombie bears, badgers and bugs (note to self, pitch a spin-off to AMC, working title, The Walking Bears, Badgers, and Bugs™ ).
“Everything happens for a reason.” Technically correct, but I’m not sure that’s how people mean it.
“I think therefore I am.” Not true for everyone, have you been on the internet?
“I know you are, but what am I?” This one is actually timeless.
Back to 2015, my Don’t Worry, Be Happy 365 day project enters Week 3, will I falter?
Week 1, amazing: http://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/06/03/dont-worry-be-happy/
Week 2, a revelation: http://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/06/09/to-blog-or-not-to-blog/
1. Remove 15 minutes or more per day of sitting time (replace with dancing, but with less enthusiasm to Falco’s Rock Me Amadeus, my knee will thank me).