Posted in Canada, COVID-19, Fibromyalgia, Star Wars

So No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way…

Posted on by D. Parker

So no one told you life was gonna be this way…(you know you have to clap now, do it, just do it!).

Your job’s (bet Guaranteed Basic Income doesn’t look so “Commie” now huh?) now a stay-at-home-joke, you’re more-or-less broke…


Your love life’s “virtually” D.O.A.


It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear (if you remember how to drive).


When it hasn’t been your minute, your hour, your day, your week, your month
Or even your year (Any 2020 hindsight advice?).

But I’ll be here for you (in my home)
When the rain starts to pour


I’ll be here for you (in my home)
Even if we weren’t “FRIENDS” before


I’ll be here for you (in my home)
‘Cause you’re probably here for me too (in your home)

You’re still in bed, or the tub, or the tub is now your bed, at ten (AM, PM, who knows these days?).

And for many, “essential” work (less work if people could listen/read/try) never seems to stop…

Your breakfast might be lunch or dinner (those can all be chocolate during a pandemic, right?), then again, who the Hell knows or cares?

Things are going great, if you’re counting the number of swears…

Your mother (Happy Mother’s Day to everyone, especially my Mom  https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/05/09/happy-mothers-day-i-just-ate-your-gift/   https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/05/13/the-mother-of-all-blogs/ ) warned you there’d be days like these (not weeks or months), but she didn’t tell you all this could really happen, seriously, this is for real…

it seems surreal, but yup, happening:

 We’d be streaming incessantly (beyond Netflix, YouTube and Amazon Prime). I’ve been testing all the “Free Trials” of streaming services, I’ve tried: “Acorn TV”, “Disney+”, “Crave/HBO/TMN”, “Britbox”, and heading toward “Apple TV”, “National Geographic”, “Smithsonian”, and “Shudder” – who knows how far I’ll get, drinking my tea, watching me some “free”…

Who knew people would be fighting over and hoarding: hand sanitizer and yes, toilet paper (Seinfeld once again predicts the future).

We’d be trying to not gain something called, “COVID-19”, the virus or lbs.

Thanking our essential workers (literally not enough “Thank Yous” in the universe for that), even though many people and politicians didn’t even think they were worth giving decent pay, or really caring about them at all, until they needed them (newsflash geniuses, you/we always needed them).

Trying to learn languages. For me, I’m trying to learn the important stuff first, for example: “Spero tu stia passando una bella giornata miei adorati lettori, avete pasta per me? “(“I hope you are having a nice day my beloved readers, do you have pasta for me?”); “ Ich brauche Kuchen” (“I need cake”); “¿Donde estan las galletas?” (“Where are the cookies?”); “Je veux de la pizza” (“I want pizza”)…just some essential phrases.

Traveling on YouTube (who knew it would take a pandemic to turn me into a travel blogger?).

We’d be learning (some of us) all kinds of new terms, like the ones below (how many did you know?):

  • Coronavirus

  • COVID-19

  • SARS-CoV-2

  • Physical/social distancing

  • R0/reproductive rate

  • Drug repurposing

  • Viral shedding

  • Flattening/flatten the curve

  • Planking/plank the curve

  • Bending/bend the curve (I feel like these will also be diet names soon)

  • Contact tracing

  • Data models (or as I call them, data stick insects)

  • Community transmission/spread

  • Fomite

  • Vector (what’s your vector, Victor?)

  • Essential workers (again, thank you just doesn’t seem to cover it)

  • Nasopharyngeal swabs

  • Oropharyngeal swabs (updates from Dr. Fauci, Dr. Tam, Dr. Birx and others are like watching police dramas, they all talk about swabs a lot, “Did you get the swabs?”, “I got the swabs”, “Did you need another swab?”, “What do ya mean we’re out of swabs? Get more swabs!”, “We need billions of swabs!”. Police shows and pandemics, brought to you by Johnson & Johnson, but that’s a whole other story https://yadadarcyyada.com/2016/03/18/this-is-not-a-toy/)

  • PPE (personal protective equipment)

ACE-2 is a gateway receptor (who knows what it will lead to?).

Be comforted by bedtime stories from: Dolly Parton, David Tennant, Oprah, Stephen Fry, Betty White, Rami Malek, James McAvoy, Sarah Silverman, Chris Pine, Kristen Bell, Tom Hardy – ooooh, can he read them in Bane (he was so ahead of his time, he worse a mask, quarantined a city and cancelled all events, including sports) or Venom voices too, please?

And James Earl Jones – seriously, Darth Vader reads me to sleep, “May The Fourth Be With You” and Beware the “Revenge of the Fifth/Sixth” and too much spicy food on Cinco de Mayo could cause Revenge of the Shi…well, you know, moderation, ok?.

 

Worrying about Murder Hornets, really, who came up with that name, at least make it alliterative, how about “Homicide Hornets” or “Horror Hornets”? Like this: “Slaughter Slugs”, “Maiming Moths”, “Assassin Ants”, “Snuff Snails”…

Getting slightly ever so bored with: baking (getting too warm now anyway); is there enough testing, not enough testing (it’s making me testy);

Zoomfail hashtags (don’t you wish you’d bought shares in Zoom?); “Baby Shark Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo”, kidding, who could ever get tired of that?,

people arguing about “Mandela Effect” online, hmmm, or maybe that never happened.

Making masks, cleaning masks, remembering to bring your masks, remembering not to wear a hockey mask to the grocery store…so many things to remember, what was I talking about again?

Being on video, seriously, before all this I hated going on camera or video, now it’s, “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Zoom, no, no, not that close!”.

People actually listening to someone that lies incessantly, slurs their words, and suggests we could kill COVID-19 by injecting disinfectant into the body and/or UV light, no buddy, why are you like this, why are you the way you are?

That we’d be staying so much: “Stay Home”, “Stay Safe”, “Stay Connected”, “Stay At Home”, “Stay Healthy”, Sit/”Stay”/Roll Over, “Stay in place”, “Stay trippy dude”, “Stay the course”, “Stay fresh” (seriously, you need to shower even if you’re isolated alone)…

I can easily imagine self-isolation has lead to re-enacting musicals with Star Wars action figures, Muppets and/or hand shadows, I’m sure someone somewhere is doing this (please, please, please send me links).

That our Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau (Canada rules!) would tell us the things, the things he knows that stop you from “speaking moistly”?!?

 I’ll be here for you
When the someone knocks on your door (gasp!)
I’ll be here for you
When you’re dreaming Obama is still POTUS


I’ll be here for you
‘Cause you’re here for me too (on Zoom?)

No one could ever know me (cause I’m wearing a mask)
No one could ever see me (cause I’m doing a flask task at home)


Seems now more people know
What it’s like to be…chronically me?


Someone to Facetime (Skype/Zoom/Messenger, text, call, whatever) the day with.


Make it through Quarantine Life (only going out for necessities of life, I don’t know about toilet paper, but donuts count, right?) with…


Someone I’ll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I’m best with you, yeah

I’ll be here for you
When the sun starts to shine


I’ll be here for you
When for the great outdoors we pine…


I’ll be here for you
‘Cause we’re (patiently?) waiting for a sign

I’ll be here for you (speaking moistly)


I’ll be here for you (singing: Andrea Bocelli; Ultravox; Ramones; Ed Sheeran; Elton John; Cher (if we could turn back time); Green Day – don’t wannabe an, well, you-know-what;

Foo Fighters; Nivana; The Beatles – “Don’t Come Together”, “We All Live in Self-Quarantine”;

U2, The Police “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/09/14/dont-stand-so-close-to-me/

and Queen https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/02/06/dont-stop-me-now/

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/03/25/welcome-to-your-life/, and so many more, all totally, totally, totally in tune).


I’ll be here for you (sissying my quarantine fashion, picture me rocking Mickey Mouse leggings, Guardians of the Galaxy T-shirt, Paddington coat, and Nirvana baseball cap https://yadadarcyyada.com/2020/03/17/im-still-standing-yeah-yeah-yeah/, strangely enough, no pictures, that I know of, while putting red ribbons on the trees to say “Thank You – no thanks are ever ever ever going to be enough for our essential workers, but you could start with simple steps: Be Kind, Stay Home, Wash Your Hands).


Hope you’re here for me too (but like, not here here, like, there but emotionally here, together but apart, but connected, so non-contagious virtual hugs and chats and tweets, comments, Zoom, Skype, Messenger, and all that, but over there while I’m over here, but we’ll both be there, well, here for each other…I’m confused. I need more simplicity https://yadadarcyyada.com/2020/01/26/aggressive-simplification/ What about you?).


Author:

Very me

85 thoughts on “So No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way…”

  2. By the time I finish reading one of your literary works I find that my brain is wired together differently. I look on the World in a different probably nicer way.
    Humongous Hugs Donna,

    Reply

    1. Awwww, you’re so sweet, dear David, hope you and yours are doing well in these challenging times (and always). 🙂
      I feel like my brain is changing daily too, dear friend and hopefully for the better, hopefully. 😉
      Massive stay safe, stay connected, stay you hugs xoxoxoxox

      Reply

  3. When I saw the title in my inbox it took me a second to place it and now I’ll probably sing it all day. Thanks for giving me plenty to smile about today.

    Reply

    1. Thanks the kind of earworm we need right now.
      And making you smile has made me smile; we just keep passing those smiles around. 🙂
      Hope this day, week, month, year is good to you. 🙂

      Reply

  9. I think i need to know what your breakfast cereal is because if the above follows breakfast I’d like to try it
    My brain will have abs after reading that – a neurological six pack of ideas… though it took me a while to realise ‘getting a six pack’ didn’t involve grabbing some beers so what do I know… lovely jubbly you bonkers colonial
    Keep up the good work Perkins you may yet be needed for a futile sacrifice

    Reply

    1. No breakfast cereal just a pounding need to empty my brain, after chasing down the thoughts and herding them before spilling them onto the blog. 😉
      I think your original item of a 6-pack was brilliant! 😉
      I’ll get on on the crate and… 😉
      I expect a 12-pack is even more fun. 😉
      Hope we all survive our own “Aftermyth of War”…sigh

      Reply

    1. I know, right, when in doubt, Monty Python will save the day. Had to watch some last night, the older ladies re-enactments and Four Yorkshire men and more, had me in stitches again. They never fail. 🙂
      Stay safe and all the best, always xox

      Reply

      1. Monty Python has been on my mind lately because on several occasions in meetings I have found myself trapped in the Dead Parrot sketch.

      2. Pining for the fjords? 😉
        Monty Python fan mind, every time I hear, Zoom, I think, “Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it!” lol
        Hope everything goes well, Liz and think, “Ping”, it gets me through. 😉
        Wishing you a peaceful weekend and a lovely week ahead. 🙂

  11. I burst out laughing when you said Seinfeld once again predicts the future. Hilarious!

    Also, I’ll be humming the Friends theme song all evening, which will make it a good evening, indeed. Hope all is as well as can be in your part of the world! 🙂

    Reply

    1. That’s an earworm we can all be good with. 😉
      We’re lucky, we’re in Canada and though it’s not good, we’ve had a great response, tons of kindness and hope. 🙂
      Wishing you all the best, always and hope you and yours stay safe. 🙂 xoxo

      Reply

    1. Thank you kindly, but I need to do it more often…I’m going on a motivation hunt and shall not return until my brain is organized (good luck w/ that!) and ready to be dumped into my blog posts. 🙂

      Reply

  15. Amazing post Donna. I can’t even imagine how long it took to put together.. Great summation on life with comedic relief. Stay safe! <3

    Reply

    1. It’s not the length doing it, Debby, first I have to race around after the thoughts in my brain, then it’s finding a way to push it all out of my brain onto the computer. It’s exhausting. lol 😉
      Stay safe. Stay connected. Stay cool and stay you. 🙂 xoxox

      Reply

      1. Obviously takes quite some time to put these together. I commend you. 🙂 xxx Yes, safety is the word. 🙂 <3

  16. It’s absolutely insane, and you captured that so well. And Trump… ugh makes my blood boil as does our situation in the UK. Frightening times Donna hope you are keeping well and sane through this. x

    Reply

    1. These are times to try people’s souls, I only hope common sense (does that exist anymore, I miss it) will prevail.
      Stay safe. Stay connected. Stay cool. Stay sane (is that one possible right now, how about, stay slightly sane?). 🙂
      Wishing you a peace-filled weekend. 🙂

      Reply

    1. Awww, thanks, Sally, you’re such a lovely soul, you’re making me blush (please, do continue lol).
      Thank you for the share, but mostly for your kind words. Stay safe. 🙂
      Big non-contagious hugs xoxoxox

      Reply
  19. Pingback: So No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way… | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

    1. I’ve been overwhelmed and WordPress is playing tricks on me (no treats sadly), but I’m glad to be here and to share. 🙂 Thank you kindly, dear Sally. Stay safe. Stay connected. 🙂 xoxoxox

      Reply

    1. Thank you kindly, Carol, just dumping my brain onto my blog – glad to know my brains could make anyone happy. 😉
      Big big bigger biggest non-contagious hugs xoxoxo

      Reply

  21. Your posts are SO creative. And hilarious.
    My favorite: Quarantine day 1 and quarantine day 8.
    NOT a month later. 8 days later, lol !!! That’s a LOT of Doritos, man!

    Reply

    1. Awww shucks, thanks, you’re making me blush…did I say to stop?!? lol 😉
      I know, right, from a six-pack to a 24-pack in no time unflat. 😉
      Stay safe. Stay connected. Stay cool. Stay you. 🙂
      Peace. Love. Understanding.

      Reply

    1. Thank you, sweetie. How are you? Don’t be tempted to say, “fine”, I’ve decided we were done wrong when we were taught to say that. Things are certainly not “fine” and if we want to fix them, even in the tiniest way, we have to hold them to the light and see the cracks, the holes, the wear’n’tear but also the beauty. Ok, off my soapbox.
      I keep thinking of you, dear friend and hoping you’re being wonderfully you, but not being too stressed by all the chaos, drama and injustices.
      Big big big bigger biggest hugs on the wing, you’re the cat’s meow thinking of you non-contagious hugs xoxoxoxo

      Reply

  23. I made a modified version of If you’re happy and you know it for this age of confusion. If you’re happy and you know it, stomp your feet (with a grimace) …guaranteed to spark a smile. 😁

    Reply

  24. I read during the Black Plague some people just ate drank and made merry instead of self isolating. Just like here. Others of course paraded down the street whipping themselves on the back and asking for money. Like here as well. Did you know the Black Plague came from China? Just saying . . . . I am trying to learn how to say, “GET AWAY FROM ME!” in at least 12 languages including some Native American. Liked this post which goes without saying but I will say. 😺

    Reply

    1. Plagues and how people respond to them, it’s a real study in contrasts.
      Only 12? Maybe we need an app on our phones that continuously plays “6.5 feet/2metres back please” in all the languages of the world. 😉
      I’m considered my mask will confuse people and they will think I’m approachable, physically and emotionally lol 😉
      Thank you kindly. I have so many ideas milling around for a new post or 6 but I have to herd them (like herding cats, well, you know) onto my blog. lol 😉
      Stay cool. Stay connected. Stay Safe. Stay sane (ok, for most of us at this point that last one was a bridge too far).

      Hope this weekend treats you kindly. Stay cool. Stay sae.

      Reply
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    1. Thank you always seems inadequate, dear Carol for such kindness, but it’s very heartfelt, I thank you, mostly, for being you.
      We need more people that can spread joy, that can make people smile and that can sprinkle kindness on the world like it’s a cupcake that needs those lovely colours and sweetness. 🙂
      Big big bigger biggest non-conatgious hugs and keep all your goodness coming, we need truckloads of it. 🙂
      Stay safe. Stay connected. Stay cool. 🙂

      Reply

      2. I really can’t imagine, here in Canada we feel like we’re living next to a ticking time bomb. We were feeling a little safe, until Trump starting saying to open up the borders and in case there was any confusion, he’s lying when he says Canadians want the border open. No!!!! Oh yeah, a word Trump doesn’t understand. Thanks for the kind words, Rob, and hold on, this is going to be a bumpy ride (obvious understatement is obvious). 🙂 xoxoxo

      4. I can’t understand why his choices will stick, all the judges, policies, etc. should be reversed. I feel for you, Rob, I really do, I wish I could vote. Stay safe. Stay hopeful. 🙂

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    1. Thank you kindly, Ian, I don’t know if you’re getting these comments, sometimes WordPress plays tricks (no treats) and says No!
      Hope this finds you safe and sound. Thank you for the lovely reblog! How delightful!
      Stay safe. Stay connected. 🙂
      Big non-contagious hugs xoxo

      Reply

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