Posted in Blogs, Canada, Fibromyalgia

Aggressive Simplification

 

“There is no point
in using the word
‘impossible’
to describe
something
that has
clearly
happened.”
=== Douglas
                    Adams

It happened and I let it happen. Not once, twice, or thrice, but over and over again. As impossible as it seemed, I let my life, wait, “let” seems too passive, I actively  participated in the over-complication of my life.

Oh, I told myself I was simplifying. I did all the “right” things. I organized, sorted, classified, tidied, de-cluttered…tried to keep only things that sparked joy.

Yet my life felt like I was just moving round those deck chairs on the “Titanic” (there was room on the board for Jack, Rose, remember, never let go?).

Then complications, on tiny clawed feet creep, whether or not I leave them a treat…

1. First stage of grief – denial.
 In denial my life was
              that complicated.
     I had balls in the air,
  juggling like a clown;
 I like helping people laugh
   (I’m a bit of a Joker),
 but clowns wear too
much make-up,
      for my personal taste.

“Simplification” always means removing stuff, right?
Usually, but not always, sometimes it means:
adding, switching, modifying, adapting,
accommodating, changing, rethinking,
reclassifying, redistributing…a whole lot of re-ing.

2. Next, I hit a wall of pain and guilt.

Yup, those flying “Whys”  hit like me like a sock full of pennies. “Why was I so sick?” “Why couldn’t I get better?” “Why me?” “Why?”

3. Anger (Envy?) and Bargaining.
“So many people don’t appreciate: their health, their life,
the good people and things;
why do they have so much
of things they don’t appreciate?”

“Whoever may be out, let’s strike a bargain, what do you want to make this better?”

4. Depression/Reflection/Loneliness.
“I’m worthless.”
“I’m a drain.”
“I’m a burden.”
Breaks into a chorus of
“All by Myself”
while fighting
her own hand
reaching for the cookies.

5. The upward turn.
“I can do this.”
“I can find even more resources.”
“I can find more people who understand.”

“I can help myself.” “I can push even harder.” “I’m pretty amazing.”

6. Reconstruction and working through. When I said it wasn’t all about de-cluttering, it was a big part because…sigh,

I’m a fantastic bargain sniffer hunter stalker predator shopper.

Brand names for dirt cheap, price/ad matching, coupons/freebies, sales…long story short, had (insert understatement here) more stuff than I realized. More than half of the more is gone now.

Bumped up my phone plan cause counting seconds wasn’t saving my brain and I was missing stuff and things.

Got more medical resources.

Watched stuff that made me smile and think and not think and lot of giggling: “Knives Out”, “Chilling Adventures of Sabrina”, “Fleabag”, “The Walking Dead”, “The Good Place”, “Virgin River”, “Lost”, “Grace and Frankie” (want to know if a veteran actor/actress is alive, watch this), “The Orville”, “Jack Ryan”, “SNL”, “Joker”, “Lost In Space”, “Spiderman: Far From Home”, “Marriage Story”, “Glitch”, “The Expanse”, and thank you kindly to Netflix for Season 2 of “You”…You know I like to watch.

Unplugged from social media more; it’s a learning curve of an addiction.

Continued with Fibromyalgia London Group – my quality of life continues to bloom. Friends, got un-isolated (de-isolated?), socialized, learned (a very subjective term) to knit, had a lot of laughs (and some tears), helped, got help, found sprigs of hope pushing through the frost. And I’m trying to blog more too (stop overthinking), here https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/11/22/99-problems-and-fibromyalgia-is-all-of-them/ and there https://fibrolondongroup.ca/2019/12/06/chronic-suckage/ (hopefully, if life stops giving me lemons…I want chocolate!!!).

I changed internet providers. New email: darcyyada@gmail.com

Got Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to give up being Royals (sorta) and move to Canada cause we’re nice, eh (and we have Justin Trudeau and #Donutgate). https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/04/28/well-cream-you-with-our-tim-hortons-donuts-you-hosers/

7. Acceptance and hope. Now more organized, but with the understanding things pop up to:
disrupt,
disturb
and
displace
the calm
and toss things
into the chaos realm.
 

Hopefully the extra measures I have taken with my “aggressive simplification” will be enough to keep the monsters of chaos at bay.

There’s no linear path to anywhere or anything, it’s all wibbly wobbly, up and down, round and round.

Most living things grieve, in different ways. We grieve those we’ve loved and lost, friendships, connections, community, hope, opportunities, time, health, jobs, dreams…

I predict complications and chaos will continue, but instead of thinking (or overthinking it, thank goodness I never ever ever ever, did I mention ever, do that!) of it all as a catastrophe, think of it as a chance to learn.

Author:

Very me

26 thoughts on “Aggressive Simplification

  1. This sounds like a post full of hope and realisation that you’re not on your own. You never were sweetie. We we all on your side. So, as long as you’re sure the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a train coming the other way I’ll celebrate and cheer for you.Sorry it only Pepsi Max.
    Look after yourself
    Huge Hugs

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    1. I know, I can hear you all from near and far saying, “We are here! We are here! We are here!”. I’ll take that toast and click my mug of tea in return – aren’t we wild party animals?
      The light at the end of the tunnel is just one of those brilliant paintings by Wile E. Coyote but you know, I’ll take it, no train please.. 😉
      Hope this week is treating you with gentle care, my friend.
      Massive “We are here!” hugs, dearest David. 🙂 xoxoxoxox

      Like

  2. You are so clever with adding the, oh, those…GIFS? Movie clips? Those things. HAH. It’s going to be a long Monday if I can’t remember the words. Hope you have a great week!

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    1. You know the gif from “Gilmore Girls” where she says, “My brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish”, yup, that’s a great description of my brain so I just let it spill out in words and gifs and memes. lol 😉
      Hope this week is treating you kindly, as for words, maybe we just have too many of them hehe. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I like that idea, Jean, that the more complicated we are, the simpler we have to make our lives. That’s a great rule and we definitely don’t need any more drains on energy, ever!!!
      Thank you kindly and hope this week is treating you well so far. 🙂

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  3. I can see that behind the scenes you have been very busy Donna.. It takes to much effort I know especially when you are standing up to the bullying of fibromyalgia We are in the process of decluttering a number of areas of our lives. We are going to be moving again, probably in the next twelve months and it is not just material items such as crockery and clothes that have stagnated in the cupboards and we don’t want to carry and pack away again, but our willingness to step outside and to go do things. You are inspiring,fabulously entertaining and thought provoking, so please do not do any decluttering there… ♥

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    1. Aaah, moving, the dreaded word! Or I guess a good opportunity to see wht we use/don’t use, need/don’t need.
      I refuse to aggressively simplify my brain, dear Sally and don’t think I could if I tried! lol 😉
      Hope this week is being good to you so far. 🙂
      Big unclutter the world hugs xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. And they just coming at us, their attacks unrelenting. 😉
      Hope this week is treating you well, dear friend. 🙂
      Mega hugs on the wing, love in the air, and snow on cactus everywhere? hugs xoxox

      Like

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