The sun set; dusk fell on the shelf, and lights began to appear along the stove. That which blends, so held, in hand or all alone, such power, to mix, to mash, to merge, to fuse, once individual, now as one, together. The upper reaches, the place of monstrous leftovers, marked ominously with a date, huddle in the brooding gloom of fridge light, mocked by the enticing garish glare of magnet cradled take-out flyers.
“And this,” she noted suddenly, “has to be one of the dark places of the earth.”
In the static of their surroundings, the slightly scornful pots, pans, knives and other pointy things lurked, growled their promise, ready to play the food game.
She doggedly tried to follow the medically suggested diet; the worst that could be said of her was she wanted to believe.
Food is not for the faint of heart, it beckons, it bubbles, it boils, it brews, it even burns...Food, as perplexing as the definition of fake news. My food feelings? Let’s just say, my kitchen and me, we’re officially changing our relationship status to, “It’s complicated”.
Let’s Play – 7 Ways To Survive Your Kitchen!!!
1. Have your recipes, like blog posts and/or synopsis ready – in your head, online, or written down. Have all your ingredients out first, nothing worse than being halfway through and notice you’re not rising to the occasion.
2. Cooking is time-consuming, like blogging, like writing, like life itself, but if you clean up as you go, it’s easier. Try baking soda and vinegar – ecofriendly, frugal, and together they’re an explosive combination, seriously you can make a volcano while cleaning. Don’t forget to snap on your rubber gloves and clean that dirty, dirty oven. Maybe you’ll have naughty dreams about kitchens – hot, steamy dreams about someone else cooking/cleaning for you, oh yeees!!!
3. Tempted by takeaway/takeout, fast food, even processed foods? Remind yourself it’s bad for your waist and wallet. Same goes for blogging, fast and processed, you can get that anywhere, isn’t it better to go for the real thing.
4. Easter is an egg-cellent time to dye eggs, naturally, with family, friends (even imaginary ones), and furfriends. Then you can still eat them, the eggs, not family, friends, or furfriends. Is your egg a good egg? Fill a bowl with water. Gently place “suspicious” egg in the bowl. Does the egg stay on the bottom sideways – a good egg! Does it stand up, but lean drunkenly to the side – still good, but better really a pickled egg. Stands straight up, still ok, but use, like right now. Floating? A bad egg (cue the Veruca Salt song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory). I am the maker of merriment, the dreamer of dreams (in case you were away https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/03/09/heres-to-the-ones-who-dream/).
5. Beware The Pointies! It seems like kitchen gadgets, utensils, tools, gizmos, appliances, etc. are designed to somehow maim, mangle, or even murder those innocently trying to cook.
Kitchens are deathtraps. Be safe.
6. Lettuce us celebrate cooking! Like blogging, writing, social media, friendships, relationships, work, and life in general, it can be a time-eater. Orange you glad we didn’t make a big dill about this game? Romaine calm, even if you feel like you’re playing ketchup with all the relish you can mustard. Just beet it and spaghetti out of here.
7. Life is like a paper bag…You just never know when you need to cover, conceal, meltdown, carry, ripen (seriously easy way to ripen your avocados, bananas, apples, tomatoes, etc.), and you really never know when you’re going to need a puppet. Be ready.
Oh life, it’s bigger
It’s bigger than you (doesn’t feel like it on a bloat day)
And you are not me (not even on a bloat day)
The lengths that I will go to,
the chocolate that adds to my thighs
Oh no, I’ve ate too much
I didn’t eat enough?
That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my willpower….
I thought that I heard you baking
I thought that I heard you grill
I think I thought I saw you fry
Consider this, a hint of cake and cookies
Consider this, the stroganoff
That brought me to my knees
That was just a dream
Try, cry, why try
That was just a dream
Just a food dream
Just a food dream
Well, dear readers, do you want to keep playing? Awesome, then tell me your: food battles, food love affairs, diets, tips, advice, recipes.
I’d like to thank those who inspired the game: food, Joseph Conrad, Martin Sheen, R.E.M., Liam Neeson – I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for onions or garlic, I can’t have them. But I do have are a very peculiar set of skills, skills I have acquired over years of cooking…
1. Support. From family, friends, groups, or bras – support is important. Why? We all have saggy moments, even the world. I admit to feeling shaken and stirred – maybe it’s just too much time in the shallow end, I feel surrounded by ‘s’ words…
2. Salt. People have been using it for like 10,000 years, slightly longer than I’ve been alive. As a baby I had a saltlick in my crib. I wander the streets following salt trucks. I envy cats, dogs, and giraffes – they can freely lick humans for salt. I know it’s bad for me…my precious. I’m slowly desalting.
3. Selling. Everything seems to be for and/or on sale now. The new genius? Stephen Hawking selling cars.
4. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. One word review: Why? Just move on – Wonder Woman, Aquaman…just move on.
5. Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart. I have so many questions about their Potluck Dinner Parties. Who’s their demographic? Who’s made most uncomfortable watching this?
6. Sorry. Never too late to say sorry, or is it, you decide. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2016/06/10/cant-you-just-pretend-to-be-nice/
7. Stupid. A lifestyle for some. We hate feeling stupid, it’s one of the top reasons we won’t admit to making mistakes. We can learn. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2013/08/28/is-the-dream-still-alive/
8. Self. With a silent ‘ish’? https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/03/04/dear-me-sitting-here-talking-to-me/
9. Sugar. We broke up by text last week then it sent me sugar roses and chocolates, so we’re still together, but seeing less of each other.
10. Stress. Yes. And plenty of it. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2016/11/11/social-media-can-be-flat-most-humans-are-3d/ https://yadadarcyyada.com/2016/05/25/crapathy/
Squirrel! Sorry, what were we talking about?
11. Sherlock. Enjoying the twisting labyrinth of Sherlock’s mind, the villainous machinations of his enemies, the long-suffering humour of Watson, then, it’s over again. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/13/sherlock/
12. Sense and Sensibility (and Seamonsters?). I think it’s about time to Jane Austen myself silly. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/02/14/20-movies-to-avoid-on-a-first-date/ https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/08/02/never-tear-us-apart/
13. Sarcasm. An oft misunderstood art form.
14. Superheroes. Supernatural. My Spidey senses tell me we can all be heroes, even superheroes. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/04/15/well-be-counting-scars/
15. Self-publishing. Haven’t tried this yet, but want to. Been writing and reading – I see a book review post in the future, until then https://yadadarcyyada.com/2016/12/15/the-cats-pajamas-birthday-party/ https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/01/06/im-not-inclined-to-resign-to-maturity/
16. Scared. Silly. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2016/09/16/you-had-me-at-cake/
17. Sad. Nothing wrong with being sad sometimes. Being happy or acting like it all the time doesn’t make everything ok. Today is Blue Monday, apparently the most depressing day of the year (I think Friday will ‘trump’ Monday a million times over). https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/01/19/blue-monday-being-depressed-on-schedule/ Lots of cool blue things, lalalalalala Smurf a happy song…
18. A Series of Unfortunate Events. First, staggeringly stunning books by Lemony Snicket (sounds like a real name)…Then a cool movie – I bet Meryl Streep can think of way more unfortunate events nowadays…Presently, a quirky, impertinent series starring Neil Patrick Harris and Patrick Warburton. I’m so desperately happy it’s so desperately sad?
19. Saturday. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/08/09/i-miss-saturday-morning-cartoons/ Sunday. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/02/01/lazy-super-bowl-sundae/ Smonday. All superb days of any week.
20. Simplicity. Striving to live simply, in the here and now – with all manner of stuff https://yadadarcyyada.com/2016/02/14/who-loves-ya-baby/
While my self-diagnostic is buffering and it continues…What are your favourite ‘s’ words and why?
Easter is here again. It means different things to different people. For some, it’s religious. For some, family, and/or the Easter bunny or all. But like so many things, it revolves around food, and plenty of it – ham, fish, roast beef, yams, hot-cross buns, cakes and cupcakes decorated like bunnies, jellybeans, Cadbury creme eggs, marshmallows peeps, chocolate bunnies, rice krispies treats shaped like bunnies and eggs, bunny bread…
I’ve been binging, this time reading, including, the Popular Culture and Philosophy series from Open Court. Pop culture and philosophy, for me, that’s book heroin. I started with Homeland and Philosophy: For Your Minds Only, edited by Robert Arp. On some level I like this show, https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/04/03/homeland/ I keep watching it; one thing about it really stuck with me, Brody (Damian Lewis) is compared to a cockroach, surviving no matter what, but bringing misery to others. It describes so many people, oh my, does it describe the whole human race, crawling across the planet’s face?
My next bite was The Ultimate Walking Dead and Philosophy: Hungry For More, edited by Wayne Yuen. I nibbled on each page, snacking on deep thoughts about a deep show; delicious, but a lot to digest (chocolate-covered Daryl Dixon?).
Then I finally gave in, read some of Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook) and her Lean In self-help stuff. Same old, same old, but still good advice and catchy. It’s certainly what we want to hear, that we can succeed by embracing challenge and risk, but is it realistic? We want to believe women are moving ahead, but are they?
We also want to think diets, shifting our body weight to the thinner side will make us happy. It’s important to keep in mind, at all times, correlation is not causation, even strong correlation. I watched the documentary, Fed Up, like Ms. Sandberg’s work, it’s catchy, but with gaping holes and I don’t just mean the to-be-counted-as-sexy-these-days-thigh-gap which I think used to be called bow-legged and wasn’t that medically uncool? I guess having your thighs catch on fire while wearing corduroy isn’t considered ‘sexy’ anymore.
We already know the truth, we don’t need all these books, documentaries, etc. We don’t need a magic pill, that won’t fill our emptiness. We need moderation, in all things. And to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. I’ve had a long, complicated relationship with food, now I just want to be friends.
I wonder if our aversion to moderation comes from childhoods dominated by promises of dire consequences intermingled with lies. You know:
– Don’t swallow your gum, it’ll stay in your stomach for 7 years.
– Don’t pee in the pool – a dye will show you did it.
– Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis. Toads will give you warts.
– Don’t go swimming for 30 minutes after you eat.
– I’m leaving without you. We’re almost there.
– It won’t hurt. We’ll see. I don’t know.
– Maybe later. I always know when you’re lying.
– Your pet (insert fav pet name here) went to live on a farm.
– Coffee will stunt your growth. Milk will make you grow.
– Just a minute. Give me a minute (a parent minute is a lot longer than the average minute).
– And the obsession with preserving your eyesight. Carrots improve your eyesight. Reading in the dark damages your eyesight. If you cross your eyes they’ll stay that way. If you sit too close to the TV it will ruin your eyes. I wonder what we’re supposed to think Google glasses, smartphones, laptops, computers, etc. will do to our eyesight?
What about you, dear readers, any gems from childhood? I still feel guilty about stepping on cracks as a child. Sorry Mom. Walking in the rain, dodging worms, I tried to remember did we ever get told, Step on a worm, make your Mother squirm?
I wish you all a wonder-filled Easter. No matter how you celebrate, whether you lean in, lean out, lean up, or just enjoy, I hope you have enough.
Well I’m a-runnin’
(ok, walking quickly)
down the road,
tryin’ to loosen
I’ve got seven
on my mind
Four million that want to own me, two that want to stone me, one that could be a friend of mine.
Take it easy, take it easy.
Don’t let the sound of your own words drive you crazy. Lighten up while you still can. Don’t even try to understand. Just find a place to make your stand, and take it easy…
Whether in blogging, work, love, parenting, friendship…The Eagles (goodbye Glenn Fry) had it right – take it easy.
The sound of your own wheels (the ones turning in your brain) aka the sound of your own words – spoken, written, or even in your head can drive you crazy.
Instead, I want to Take It Easy, to celebrate – despite the war and strife, the Canadian dollar sinking faster than the Titanic (the ship, not the movie)…
rising food prices (wait, how many were going to eat cauliflower in January anyway? Eat in season, or frozen), Star Wars mania, lack of affordable housing and healthcare, loss, illness…but at least there’s no zombies, and I still have all of you – my readers and other bloggers!
You make me happy when skies are grey, you’ll never know, dears, how much I love you – thank you, thank you, thank you for being here!
Friday January 29th we’re going to beat the January blahs, the winter ennui, the snow woes with a knockout blog party!
I was trying to get it together for this week, but seriously, The X-Files is returning, my hold of Season 3 of Orphan Black came in at the library, my son has a Pokemon thingie, schoolwork, housework, workwork, lifework, adulting, decisions, snow, cold, snow, cold (repeat)…I think I’m catching a cold, oh, and did I mention The X-Files is returning?
And some of you may have noticed I’ve been trying out new themes. Turns out choices are limited for mobile-friendly themes in the ‘Free’ category on WordPress, but I will choose in time to expose it (oh my!) for the celebration!!!
Come back Friday January 29th and join in the fun! It’s easy, leave your blog link or a link to an old post, new post, red post, blue post in the comment box (one link per comment, but come back as often as you like).
Introduce yourself, wander around, eat some cake, be astonished at the size of my archives (oh my!), and mingle with the other bloggers. There will be virtual cake, blogging advice, and who knows what else! It may take awhile, but I promise I’ll read, visit, and reply to everyone!
One thing I’ve yet to regret (but the day is young) is blogging. I’ve virtually met some words-cannot-express-how-awesome people here who’ve welcomed me with open arms into their blogging family.
And I get swag! Really, my mail carrier randomly hands me treats! Like books (my drug of choice), or chocolates from Chicago I won from the enchanting Cher https://thechicagofiles.wordpress.com/ a delightful friend, blogger, and ex-pat Canadian. Yes, I got a box of chocolates delivered to my door just for reading a blog post! I love blogging! Those poor chocolates didn’t make it through the night – next of kin was notified…then eaten.
It may seem like the internet is a giant virtual haystack and we’re just tiny needles, but we can find each other with blogging parties and thanks to the tireless efforts of amazing and generous bloggers like:
Suzie, creator and hostess of the trending #SundayBlogShare on Twitter speaks at http://suzie81speaks.com/
Jason/OM shares and helps us share at http://aopinionatedman.com/
Danny is a blog dream-maker at http://dreambigdreamoften.co/
Vicky let’s us Weekend Blog Share every weekend
Elena throws weekly off-the-hook linky shares #BlogShareLearn http://www.livingwithbatman.com/
Janice offers us a place to pause at Blogger’s Pit Stop http://mostlyblogging.com/
Angie helps food addicts (I prefer devotee or aficionado) at Fiesta Friday http://fiestafriday.net/2016/01/08/best-fiesta-friday-100/
And so, so many more!
Please come back on Friday January 29th, 2016, in this case, size matters, the more the merrier!
Let’s be that lovely bit of blue sky in each others day!
Twas the week before Christmas
(almost two till my birthday)…
When all through the blogosphere…
not a blogger was stirring…
ok, some are stirring, but mostly cocktails…
Yet posts were still flying out with hopes that readers might give them a shout!
Christmas isn’t the most wonderful time of the year for bloggers, readers and many bloggers are off prepping for the big day, partying, waiting in line for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and of course, searching for perfect gifts.
Here are some, er, helpful last-minute gift ideas for those hard to buy for folks:
1. O Christmas tree! As a cautionary note, unlike in the movies, apparently it’s ‘frowned upon’, some might even say illegal, to just randomly cut trees down. Who knew?
2. Draw happy faces on all their socks/nylons so they’ll feel happy as they start each day. Or sneak into their house or room and draw a happy face on their wall, or mirror in red lipstick or paint. Wait, is that creepy? Nah, it’ll be a fun surprise.
3. Fix something for them: TV, car, fridge, cellphone, alarm system, computer, appliances, sewing machine, etc. Even if none were broken (but might be after), it’s the thought that counts.
4. Donate to a cause in their name or better yet, start a foundation in their name, I’m sure it won’t affect their taxes…much.
5. Sing them a song, but only if your voice doesn’t resemble fingernails on a chalkboard, mastodons dying in a tar pit, Bridget Jones singing, or my Mom singing (love you, please don’t sing).
6. Indie books. Mass-produced can be good, but a steady diet can leave you feeling flat. Best thing about indie, less cookie cutter, same goes for everything. Like indie author/blogger, A.H. Browne who kindly beamed aliens into my email. As they scurried around my brain, I was laughingly sucked into space to cavort (hey, I can cavort with the best of them) through the Saloon at the Edge of Everywhere. That sounds familiar, did I spend time there in my youth, next to CBGB, right? Book One of The Otherwhere Chronicles made me reluctant to return to Earth, like when you’re at a party, it’s past time to go home, but you think, just a few minutes more. If you’re feeling brave and in need of some fun, visit Arthur at http://pouringmyartout.com/ – don’t say I didn’t warn you! Any indie authors reading this, please add links in the comment box below where your work can be found (heck, it’s Christmas, anyone add links).
And here’s more indie talent (and keep checking the comments for indie author links):
7. Taco ties, socks, and hats. Also available in: lasagna, kung pao, pizza, chocolate, wine, beer, hamburger, and curry flavours. Hungry? Bored? Clothes never tasted so good!
8. Make a sculpture, coat, hat, scarf, or quilt out of your hair and nail clippings – natural, organic, and very, very personal.
9. Lint kittens and puppies. Easy to keep – no walks, no food, soft and cuddly, and simple to house train. Do not expose to water.
10. Honesty – they may not appreciate it at first, but it might be the best gift ever, someday.
So, these aren’t the gifts you’re looking for (except the indie books), in the end, the best gift of all is still…you!
Happy Holidays to you and yours!
All the best in 2016!
Turns out, being an adult is hard work.
Adding blogging to that and anxiety, well, it could be the proverbial straw.
When it’s quiet here on my blog, I have time to think.
Why am I really doing this?
Should I be doing this?
I have so much else to do, is this a distraction?
Or is blogging just another version of chocolate, sappy movies, wanting to cry, desperately wishing a time machine would materialize in my living room to whisk me back to a time when the biggest decisions I had to make were: what to wear to school, who to hang out with, what to listen to…Probably shouldn’t go back, I might scream at myself to quit wishing to grow up and just enjoy growing up.
Some days I feel like blogging is more Hotline Blog (I’m assured Drake will drop this as a follow-up to his famous Hotline Bling)
You used to like me on my blog post
Late or early when I needed blog love
And I know when that hotline pinged
It could only mean one thing…
But these days, you’ve become a ghost
Wonder if you’re out there forgettin’ about my blog post
Doing other things, maybe making cinnamon toast
But blogging isn’t all about Likes, it’s about enjoying each other…
Learning. Teaching. Laughing. Crying. Smiling.
I try to imagine what my blog would have been if I blogged as a child, you know, before I knew:
1. I’d have a computer, in my home.
2. I’d use this computer to tell perfect strangers (well, maybe not perfect) stuff about my life.
3. My worst recurring nightmare wasn’t fear, it was the fear of fear.
4. Bacon would become both hero and villain.
5. Everyone lied to me about stuff, including but not limited to: Santa, this won’t hurt (it did), The Tooth Fairy, being “almost there” (we weren’t), there was no more chocolate (there was), and that I’d use math in real life…
6. Life is less Game of Life and more Monopoly.
7. Power is a commodity, not necessarily the one that lights up your home.
8. What skin tags are, let alone having them.
9. The world is crawling with serial killers, if TV is to be believed.
10. Some people will still be mean, even as adults.
11. I’d use numbers from a fortune cookie for lottery tickets.
12. My body would be my worst enemy.
13. I’d look more like Jessica Fletcher than Jessica Alba.
14. I’d still be watching Doctor Who, Monty Python, and so would my teen son.
15. I’d lose hours of my life to a mysterious world that delivers weird yet amusing things to me right at home (yes, including pizza and Amazon).
16. I’d ever tire of Christmas (well, the commercialism of Christmas).
17. I’d try figgy pudding…get out there – try, visit, read, comment, share, take part in something different.
18. I’d let zombies into my home at least once a week…and love it.
19. You can’t eat all the cake, you have to share it, same goes for blogging.
20. I’d have many families – the one I was born into, the ones I found and found me, the ones I’ve made, and this amazing blogging community.
So get out there, hakuna matata – visit some blogs, enjoy each other, and never forget, you’re not alone.