Posted in Books, Canada, Holidays, Uncategorized, Zombies

Who Loves Ya Baby?

1tidy4How many times
can you fall off
the planet before
you start to think,
hmmm, maybe I
need better
gravity boots.

My strange week began with me frenetically organizing and cleaning my house.

At first, I thought it was simply having finally read Marie Kondo’s book, the life-changing magic of tidying up: the Japanese art of decluttering and tidying. Really impressive, commonsense. Now my house looks like a poor woman’s Martha Stewart, with fewer prison ponchos (it’s a good thing).

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Then came the gut punch, the calendar explained my sudden need to keep busy – a year ago my 30 year friendship stopped, just as my best friend’s heart had stopped https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/02/06/goodbye-dearest-friend/ I wanted to do anything but think about my losses, all of them, before and after this one. I wanted to drown my sorrows in the bottom of a neatly folded and lined-up sock drawer. To gamble I could keep the traveling elastic bands and pens all in one place, just one more time.

1tidy3

Even after everything was organized, sorted, recycled, and donated, my feelings of pain, loss, and fear still cluttered my house, heart, and mind. So I purged some of those feelings blocking me from respecting joy, hope, and love. I folded my memories into my life; if I keep hanging them, they’ll take up too much space in my emotional closet.

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We’re told we need to be smart, work smart, have smart things, but where is smart really getting us?

  • For example, if credit cards are so smart, why can’t they pay off their outstanding balances, huh?

  • If TVs are so smart, why do we have to spend so much time looking for something good to watch?

1tidy11

  • Maybe we need smart pets that feed, groom, and even walk themselves.

  • I have a feeling if I got a smart fridge, I’d hear things like: “Are you here again, girl, get yourself a life!” or “What are you doing, Donna, this is highly irregular!”

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  • Why stop there? Smart coffee machines, ha, amateurs, how about smart coffee that changes itself from espresso to latte to whatever passes as coffee, depending on your mood.

  • Someday your smart car will hold you in contempt without a valid high IQ score.

    1tidy21

  • Smart wine that critiques itself so you can sound like a wine connoisseur, although then everyone will sound the same, so it will be just the wine talking.

  • Smart couches that tell us the best spot to park our caboose.

    1tidy27

War, depression, corruption, terrorism, anxiety, climate change, poverty, prejudice, ignorance, disease, political games, scams, abuse, addiction, melodrama, not to mention simultaneous epidemics of starvation and obesity – we don’t need a zombie apocalypse, we’re doing just fine on our own.

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We self-scan, aka us working for a store for free, while putting others out of work (and already over-paying), all the while supporting companies that destroy the environment, while using what amounts to slave labour. Really?

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And our complaints are many: my laptop is too heavy, there’s too much food in my house, my smartphone isn’t the latest model, my smartphone doesn’t have a long enough battery life, there’s too many movies/TV shows to stream/watch. I clearly have the wrong definition of ‘smart’.

1tidy16

So I will try to be smarter.

I will thank my body for it’s hard work, especially my heart which has taken a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’.

I will commune with my mind, who has respectfully stayed with me through thick and thin.

Everything in its place and a place for everything…as long as it sparks joy.

Happy Valentine’s Day…Who loves ya, baby?

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Author:

Very me

215 thoughts on “Who Loves Ya Baby?

  1. Wow, Donna, that was very powerful and poignant. First of all, I am so sorry about your loss. There is so much more important than all theses “smart” things (although I would appreciate this smart coffee machine…) We get that the most when we lose somebody who mattered.
    But after all, it is awesome how you can always add this dash of irony which makes us stand up again and see life more as it should be, theater play where we are going though our role together with all the others.
    You are an awesome woman, Donna. You are definitely loved 💖💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Erika, I think anniversaries of loss can be tough because it all comes into focus, but I’m doing better now, refocusing on the fact that I was lucky enough to have had Rose and all the others I lost, in my life, the greatest loss would have been if I’d never been honoured enough to know and love them. 🙂
      Wow, thank you, you are always so lovely and inspire me to write on… 🙂
      Hope this week treats you well, all the best. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I feel the same about losing someone. It would have been the bigger loss to have never kown them. And missing them means that their presence in our life was meaningful. Their life was meaningful. Missing someone is a wonderful tribute to them.
        Thank you, Donna, I appreciate your words so much! Yes, keep on writing!!! A good Sunday! Big hugs and much love to you 💖

        Like

  2. The new look is very nice 🙂 And I’m sorry to hear about your friend – hope the day is improving for you.

    I read Marie Kondo’s book as well, and found it very helpful, as I have a tendency to hang onto stuff. I really liked what she said about how we hang onto stuff because of the past or the future, rather than focusing on what we need right now. Seemed a nice metaphor for emotions as well 🙂

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    1. Thank you kindly, Helen, I think anniversaries of loss are tough because it has a focus, but I’m feeling better and way more organized. 🙂
      Yes, for such a tiny book (takes up less room), it sure has a big impact. It is a nice metaphor for emotions. 🙂
      Hope this day is treating you kindly and hope you can make it to Suzie’s blog party today https://suzie81speaks.com/2016/02/14/i-wanna-know-what-love-is-blog-party-and-competition/#like-20709 and #SundayBlogShare on Twitter Both are always wildly busy and tons of fun. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. in my opinion, in the paragraph where you listed in succession all the ills of the modern world, one stuck out. Anxiety. Anxiety is what I think drives us to try to control our world by neatness or more technology. There’s so much that we can’t control and so we try to give ourselves the illusion of control over our environment by de-cluttering or by having an electronic device that does what we want, just for us.

    Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day!

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    1. I agree, Phil, anxiety rules, even if it’s anxiety about the other things on the list 😉
      Control is an illusion we too often cling to instead of admitting it’s all distractions.
      Thank you kindly and I hope this day (and all days) treats you well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Donna, so sorry or your loss. While there is so much pressure to just get over anything which isn’t 200% positive in our lives or on our journey, I tend to feel we instead need to stop and smell the roses and not apologise for our grief and our love for that person.
    I have just read a very touching book by Max Porter Grief is the Thing With Feathers which was inspired by Ted Hughes poem “Crow”.
    I ended up writing a fairly cynical piece for Valentine’s Day, which is quite unlike me. I used to be the patron saint of Valentine’s Day but I also remember so often love was unrequited..not just for me but many others. It seemed like Cupid really didn’t know how to shoot an arrow. So, I wrote this: https://beyondtheflow.wordpress.com/2016/02/13/shooting-cupid/
    It’s dark but funny. That was one of my contributions to Suzie’s blog party.
    Take care & blessings to you!
    xx Rowena

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    1. Yes and Rose was the name of my friend, she was worth stopping and laughing with. I count myself as lucky, the worst loss wasn’t all those who died, but if I’d never known them at all. 🙂
      Loved your post, it was a refreshing change from all the syrupy out there today. 😉

      Like

  5. Lovely post. Anniversaries are tough because they make us focus on our loss and missing the person rather than on what still remains of the relationship – the memories and the reasons why the person meant so much. Sorry, I’m not putting this very well.
    I’m still battling against self-scanning in supermarkets and stand resolutely in a check out queue waiting for a human to put my groceries through the till. Same in my bank where they seem to think I should do everything on their new machines. I don’t imagine for a second I will win but I will fight on to the end.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I also love the new look and appreciate you sharing your pain with us. I wish we could all live long and prosperous lives, but it isn’t meant to be for all. I hope your heart continues to heal and Happy Valentine’s Day!
    Danny

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    1. Thank you kindly, Danny, found some awesome bloggers over at your Weekend Meet and Greet, as always. Thanks for the opportunity. 🙂
      Hope this week treats you well, until then, Happy Valentine’s Day!!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Dear Donna… I so get it. All last week I had surges of grief for Aspen, and it’s getting close to a year now. Too bad I didn’t get jiggy with the cleaning as a cure! 😀
    Your most quotable moment — “we don’t need a zombie apocalypse, we’re doing just fine on our own” You’re spot-on with that one.
    No matter anything else, wishing you a happy Valentine’s Day. Honor yourself. Celebrate anyone, anything, any activity you love. Celebrate you — because all of us are thankful for and celebrate *YOU*. ❤ 🙂 🐻 Mega hugs my friend.

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    1. Teagan, after we lose someone we love time plays tricks, it speeds up when we want it to slow down then crawls along, positively plodding. At least we can hug the memories of those who are gone. 🙂
      Yup, we’re doing’ just fine. Sigh.
      Thank you, you as well – so far I’m caching up online, eating too many cookies (wait, is there such a thing as too many? I added oatmeal and coconut so that makes them healthy, right?), and watching (and not crying, ok, crying a little) ‘To Write Love On Her Arms’ and ‘The Walking Dead’ – seems like love to me. 🙂
      Hope you’re celebrating you too, dear one.
      Megahugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you Donna. Too many cookies? I’m appalled! Besides, yes, those are totally healthy cookies! 😀 Ummmm oatmeal/coconut… and I hope chocolate chips… Yes, celebrating in my own way. More mega hugs.

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      2. Yes, the chocolate chips go without saying, and plenty of them. 🙂
        Hope your ‘celebrating’ was lovely and hope this week treats you kindly.
        Mega chocolate chip hugs. xo 🙂

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  8. The anniversaries of a great loss tend to re-open the sadness. Our memories re-enforce what we’ve lost and it feels like there is a big hole in the universe that the person used to fill. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope that each anniversary becomes easier to bear over time ❤

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    1. Thank you and in all that cleaning I also looked through photos and all the fun came flooding back, although I have lost many people I loved, I was lucky, honoured to have loved them and been loved. 🙂
      Hope this week is treating you kindly, Joanne. 🙂

      Like

    1. Thank you kindly, cleaning was a lovely distraction and gave me a chance to reflect on how lucky I was to have loved and been loved. 🙂
      I think the coffee idea would totally catch on. 😉
      Hope this week treats you well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. This. This is so awesome! I love the look, I love the soverythoughtprovoking words. I will be pondering them all day. My heart goes out to you as you continue to move through your pain. The metaphor / analogy of not hanging those thoughts in your closet … Brilliant. Your post (you) blessed my day. Oh, and thanks for throwing in Telly Savalas at the end. Loved him! This. This is brilliant.

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    1. Thank you so much, I’m so pleased you enjoyed it. 🙂
      Yes, loved Kojak, used to watch it with my Dad and brother, more good memories. 🙂
      Thank you for your kind words and hope this week treats you well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I didn’t know you lost your best friend as well, my best friend will be gone 2 years in April and I still miss her like crazy. “I need to call her,” comes often to my mind and then I remember. I am sorry for your loss.

    I like a smart fridge. “Hey, there is another science project in the making in Tupperware #3 🙂

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    1. I think when I have good news is the worst, I just think, oh, I need to tell and then my mind reminds me, no, you can’t, but I hope she knows somehow. 🙂 So sorry for your loss as well. Big hugs.
      lol Yup, sounds to close to reality. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m on year 8 of my annual ritual of opening the grief/keepsake crates to see what still hurts, what is easier to bear, what I wonder why I held onto – etc. 1st year was a room full of cardboard boxes, plastic crates hurriedly filled with everything, cuz I couldn’t bear the pain of sorting through – 2nd year, a little organization, but not much downsizing – each year, it’s a little bit easier, I end up with fewer plastic crates at the end, more memories that don’t bring pain if they rise to the top of the brain matter attention – 🙂 – – but it is a journey! 🙂 Great Post and Hugs to You! 🙂

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  12. Mrs LP insists we queue and don’t scan, to save the humans from extinction. And I knew it would end in tears when they said they were ‘smart’ phones because ‘smart’ in my life has always been associated with (a) the feeling after I’ve been slapped and (b) hyphen-linked with either -Alec or -arse, depending on the company. ‘Know-all’ phone would be a better title. Reminds me of the story David Niven told about the Hungarian director of the Charge of the Light Brigade. When Niven and Errol Flynn laughed at him for asking them to ‘Bring on the empty (rather than riderless) horses’ he retorted ‘Hey, you think I know f*** nothing when actually I know f*** all’. Like my phone. Hope you have a few smiles today, Donna and the blog reboot looks cool (though no one with a central nervous system takes style advice from me – just saying)

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    1. Here we are, saving the world again, is it any wonder we’re tired? 😉
      That’s an awesome story, not the part about ‘smart’ not being associated with good things (it should be, you are), but the David Niven part, I always loved his dry wit.
      Thank you, I like it so far and it is more mobile-friendly, more ‘smart’, apparently. 😉
      Hope this week treats you well.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Donna, so sorry the day brings memories of loss. Think about that too on holidays and anniversaries! The organizing part hit home! Yep, I do organize, but have trouble keeping up with the dust & dirt! Love your blog’s new mobile friendly look. Did I miss the “how to do” blog? Have a peaceful Valentine’s Day! ❤️ Elizabeth

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    1. My happy memories thankfully outweigh the sadness and I’m better for having known all those I’ve lost so in that way, I’m lucky. 🙂
      Thanks, I’m glad you like it, there were many choices, but this one seems to work, so far. I think I mentioned it and changed it either during the blog party or just before…not sure now.
      Thank you, hope this day treats is love-ly to you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. On self-scanning, when a cashier suggested that I use the automated check-out I asked her what she planned to do for a living once a sufficient number of customers were motivated to follow that bit of suggestive selling. She gave me a look that led me to believe she didn’t realize that moving people to the self-service aisle was tantamount to committing job suicide.

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  15. You’re really English, aren’t you?
    In the week my sister and I had a conversation about my iPhone being smarter than I am. I really don’t need a fridge that makes me feel inadequate as well.
    Some people have expressed concerns about Marie Kondo’s sanity in the light of her second book, so be careful. If I feel the need to do housework, I write a novel instead, or a blog post. Dirt is good.

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      1. Even as I was telling my sister that I was smarter than my iPhone it demonstrated that I was lying. There is no hope for us.
        Don’t read the next book. From what I’ve heard, you’ll regret it.

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  16. I do! Happy Valentine’s Day, Donna! Loss is hard and it is funny how we work through the pain. I’m glad through all of the scrubbing and purging, you haven’t tossed your sense of humor!
    Thanks for bringing this to the party! Have fun hopping!

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  17. Happy Valentine’s Day to you! My bedroom has been Marie Kondoed too! Mind you, the rest of the house is still a bit cluttered!
    I am sick of everything being ‘smart’ actually, as it makes me feel such a dunce that I can’t bloody work it!

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    1. Suzie sure knows how to throw a wild party! Thanks for dropping over, wherever you come from, Austin. 🙂
      How are you holding up against the snow miser, he keeps visiting us too, hopefully he leaves soon. 🙂
      Hope you had a lovely Valentine’s Day and an awesome week. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Donna, sorry about the loss of your friend. It has been 2 years since my best friend passed and not too many days go by without a memory of how much fun we had together. If nothing else while cleaning, leave those memories intact. Happy Valentines Day, Donna. Oh, and don’t give those dust bunnies a break, either. :O)

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    1. Thank you and sorry for your loss. At least we know those who touch our hearts stay in them forever. 🙂
      Hope you had a love-ly Valentine’s Day and that the week offers you plenty of joy and fun and love. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I should have come sooner to read your post, so I wouldn’t have felt so flat yesterday, but oh, how good to read at last. I have found that the world is not so smart. Love is the only thing that makes you want to do everything. And yes when you ask yourself, “who loves ya baby?”… It hurts the most when you think of the one that does, but is not there anymore. …Love and hugs back. Enjoyed this post.x

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  20. Well I loves ya for a start.I’m sorry about the memories that came at you of your friend but I don’t think an emotional tidy up will manage to clear those, your closet knows to hang on to them for a while yet. It’s ever expanding so you should have no problems.
    As for making us as smart as all the gadgets……….no chance. If they could do that we’d have dispensed with the gadgets long ago.
    xxx Humongous Hugs xxx

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    1. I loves ya too, David, always. Massive hugs!!! 🙂
      I realize, I was so lucky and honoured to have known and loved all those I’ve lost and been loved by them. 🙂 Memories are the gift they left behind. 🙂
      As for the smart part, well, we’ll see, well see. 🙂
      Huge hugs hugs hugs, baby. 😉

      Like

  21. Makes me a little proud of my old-schooliness. My cell phone lets me play Tetris and talk to people (unfortunately it’s better at Tetris than talking, but I mostly just use it for meeting up with people, although I am also a huge fan of the incredibly old-fashioned agreeing to meet at a certain place at a certain time and then just being at the agreed-upon place at the agreed-upon time). My computer is safely tethered to my computer hutch and doesn’t follow me when I walk away from it. When I’m engaging with the real world, I like to really engage. I’ll write about it later.

    A friend and I went to Best Buy yesterday to buy her a computer. It didn’t go as smoothly as we expected and I have to wonder how quaint an anachronism the staff must have thought me as I sat down in the middle of a store full of doohickeys and blissfully buried my nose in a genuine old-fashioned BOOK.

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    1. I agree, Bonnie, I like to actually be in the world, in the moment…talking to people, looing at people, buildings, the sky, not walking into cars or walls lol 😉
      That’s beautiful, sitting in Best Buy with a book – I wonder if the staff even knew what it was? What is that strange ereader she has, or is it a cellphone or tablet, why isn’t it glowing? That’s awesome!
      I feel like a Luddite sometimes, but I think life was more ‘living’ before technology took over.
      Thanks for dropping by, hope this week treats you well. 🙂

      Like

  22. I’m glad you find a way to work through your feelings or just to feel them in an OK kind of way. It’s daft isn’t it how mankind demands all of their gadgets to be smart and yet we don’t act very smart when it comes to our fellow man and the planet we live on. I love that line where we don’t need a zombie apocalypse as we are doing just fine in our own. Happy valentines to ourselves and everyone! I love your colours and many paragraphs, it makes it easier for me to read a lot of text.

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    1. Thank you kindly. 🙂
      Yes, it is weird, isn’t it, yet we keep trying to convince ourselves we’re getting smarter…something is… 😉
      So glad you found me because I wandered over to your blog and really enjoyed it, am following you now. 🙂
      Thanks, it’s my version of ‘art’. lol 😉
      Hope this week treats you well.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. So sorry for your loss. Anniversaries are a time to reflect and honor, for both the living and the dead.
    I may check out the book, although honestly I have read so many and try so many ways to get organized and it never works out for me. I just don’t have that kind of brain, much to my husband’s chagrin

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    1. Thank you kindly. 🙂
      Yes, they make us hyperfocus, but what really came into focus was how lucky I was to have known, loved, and been loved. 🙂
      I can’t count how many of these books I’ve read, but this one really struck a chord, maybe it was just the timing, but…
      Hope this week treats you well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Great post Donna. I’m sorry for your loss. I know those words sound so cliche sometimes, but I have walked in your shoes. And yes, the world is getting ‘too smart’ I agree with the lack of jobs and too much technology. Despite it all, I hope you had a nice Valentine’s Day and happiness every day after. 🙂

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    1. Thank you kindly, Debby, it’s never a cliche when it’s heartfelt and I know that’s you. 🙂
      Despite it all, I had a lovely weekend and a good week so far (early days, but still). Luckily my happy memories prevail and I always remember, I was honoured to have known those I lost, very. 🙂
      Hope this week treats you well. Big hugs and hope you’re staying warm. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So glad you managed to have a lovely Valentine Weekend! Oh, I’m staying warm, still in sunny Arizona for two more weeks, then the heartache will set in when I have to leave 😦
        Hope the arctic freeze passes soon, and keep warm. 🙂 ❤

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    1. Sorry it took so long to get here, I’m playing catch-up which seems to be a permanent state at this point. Think you so much for this lovely honour,
      I’m so pleased to be nominated and to be included in such amazing company. 🙂
      I loved your answers, I see we like a lot of the same movies, TV shows, cats, libraries, and I also cannot draw well. 🙂
      Hope this weekend treats you kindly and thank you again. 🙂

      Like

  25. Catching up on what I missed on Valentine’s Day. So glad Jason reposted. Always a joyful blog post from you, even as you honor a sorrowful memory. Thank you for that, Donna. ❤️ And what is that thing about cleaning/organizing while dealing with stress ? I do that all the time. When I am the happiest, my house is a mess. Just saying.☺

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    1. I feel like I’m always playing catch up here, so many lovely posts to read, share, like, comment, etc., hard to keep up, luckily we have wonders like Jason to help us, what would we do without him?
      I know what you mean, happy life, messy house. 🙂
      Hope this week treats you kindly. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  26. I can relate to the house purge/organize/deep clean as a way of handling grief. Or stress. Or anger. Or…oh, hell. I like to channel those things that feel harmful into something that feels virtuous.
    I hope you are finding ways to spark joy, within your memories and within your every day. Hugs to you!

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  27. Donna, I’m so sorry for all your losses, especially your most recent loss of your friend. It’s funny how you can be going along fine and then all of a sudden your legs are cut out from underneath you and the grief can be overwhelming. I’m glad you are able to cherish the wonderful memories and “hang” or “fold” them as becomes necessary or wanted. Thank you for such a real and thoughtful post.
    I have found that most of my cleaning binges come when I am at my angriest and like you, I too, get to “enjoy the pain” afterwards. Treat yourself gently and kindly.
    Have a wonderful weekend and blessings to you,

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  28. I am actually old enough to have watched Telly Savalas play Kojak. I probably shouldn’t admit that, but what the heck . The word smart is certainly relevant today and could be a topic of its own. Is the world smarter because of all this smart technology? Do the various programs really know the word I mean to type better than I do? In ten years, will four people be able to gather at lunch and have a conversation? When we lose control (which we really never had to begin with), organizing and cleaning helps set order to our feelings. Good for the soul. 🙂

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    1. Me too, I watched it with my Dad and brother, great memories. 🙂
      I doubt people will be able to converse in person very soon.
      You’re right, good for the soul. 🙂
      Hope this week is being good to you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Ian, so nice of you to feature my post, I’m really grateful for the kindness. 🙂
      Hope you’ve been doing well and that this week is good to you. Hugs xox

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    1. Thank you for the kind shout-out!!!
      Yes, Marie Kondo’s book was life-changing for me. I’m currently reading her “Spark Joy
      An Illustrated Master Class on the Art of Organizing and Tidying Up”, also awesome.
      Great post and thanks again, much appreciated and the best of luck with the clutter. 🙂

      Like

  29. All of our love and hugs cannot bring your dear friend back. You will always have a Rose shaped hole in your heart, but your whole heart will grow stronger from how you have benefited from knowing Rose. Love, joy and peace to you.

    Kathleen
    Bloggers Pit Stop

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  30. OMG! I love this post! You made me smile, think and wonder. I’m sorry for everything going on but am inspired by your strength.

    I think you’re like me and use the human to …well..survive the madness of life. Random and petty, but I loved the gifs!

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  31. Love it, Donna and Kojak, of course.
    This is such a fine article of love and friendship and how we work through loss. In your case, literally. But I love how it takes some “Ellen” twists and turns.
    Thanks for bringing to the party!
    Love your new site! It’s all sparkly-like!

    Like

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