Since life now seems a never-ending soap opera I wondered what would it be like this Christmas, Like sands through the Christmas hourglass, so are the 24 Days of our Christmas lives. On the 24th day of our Christmas lives, adulting gave to me, 24 bills a comin’, endless housework that needs donin’, and not nearly enough funin’.
On the 23rd day of our Christmas lives, fear of scarcity gave to me, 23 Supply Chains a Squeezing. I hope everyone gets their medications, food, medical supplies and equipment, and other important items, but I’m kinda bored hearing about the supply chain issues “ruining” Christmas. If you don’t get all your extras, your wants (not needs, wants) by Christmas and that feels “ruined”, you’re doing Christmas wrong. Also, setting a poor example for children of what Christmas and life should be. It shouldn’t matter if Christmas can or can’t come from a store, the holidays and life in general should mean a whole lot more.
Hmmm, quick math question, how many shipping containers of “Spiderman”; The Mandalorian’s ‘Baby Yoda’/Grogu/The Child (ok, turns out he’s not a baby, he’s like 50, ok, not as cute, but still…); Marvel’; Lego; “Squid Game” merch can they unload per hour? What if you don’t get that new Apple watch? Or a PS5? XBox? Christmas is one day, there are another 364 of them all year. Find a way to help others all the year through…This is the way.
On the 22nd day of our Christmas lives, all-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder gave to me, 22 Ugly Christmas Sweaters – the official charity for this is “Save The Children” so you can do good and look good all at once!
On the 21th day of our Christmas lives, still more things to recharge gave to me, 21 Rechargeable hand warmers, or as we used to call it, rubbing your cold hands together and your breath blowing on your own hands. Also, gloves and mittens, those are good too, I was born in Northern Ontario, “Frozen” meant something different then. Let it snow, let it snow…
On the 20th day of our Christmas lives, the neverending gift of IBS gave to me, 20 Alternative Milk Makers – should I go with the cow joke, or the dirty joke, or combine them? I’m udderly at a loss. Don’t unfollow me. 😉
On the 19th day of our Christmas lives, hunger gave to me, 19 Protein bowls, umm, are we eating the bowls and how is that protein?
On the 18th day of our Christmas lives, the Sandman gave to me, 18 Shredded memory foam pillows – wait, are the pillows shredded? Or are my memories shredded? Does this involve exercising your abs? I’m so in the weeds here.
On the 17th day of our Christmas lives, #booklove gave to me, 17 Books to read while cuddled up with a cup of tea. Just read what you wanna read, forget lists, awards, how many copies it’s sold, and marketing, just read what you want to read. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2021/05/21/how-i-met-your-author/
On the 16th day of our Christmas lives, eye-rolling gave to me, 16 Cashmere beanies (cause some folks need to look like a pretentious poser, unironically).
On the 15th day of our Christmas lives, products of Christmas Past gave to me, 15 Gucci Belt Bags, aka, a fanny pack. Call it what it is. Raid your parents or grandparents’ closet, the Goodwill, or the bargain bin at Walmart, but call it what it is. Wear it with pride, be your inner “Stranger Things” character roll, come on, wear your ’80s nerd flag proudly – it’s a fanny pack no matter how much you pay for it.
On the 14th day of our Christmas lives, Hallmark gave to me, 14 “New” Hallmark Christmas movies. They say like 40 “new movies”, but I’m being generous by even saying 14 “new” – I do not think that word means what you think it means. Hallmark, did you really start the “Countdown to Christmas” on October 22nd? Son of a nutcracker, what the actual fudge!
Let me see if I can make completely random predictions having never watched dozens of Hallmark movies, so again, totally random predictions of some things that could possibly be in some Hallmark movies in 2021.
- Spontaneous snowball fights with totally real snow.
- Finding the right Christmas tree, buying or cutting just the perfect Christmas tree yourself, then decorating that just perfect, just right Christmas tree, then gazing at said Christmas tree in awe as the lights come on.
- Decorating “homemade” cookies that are clearly store-bought.
- A misunderstanding and/or a “crisis”.
- While decorating the female protagonist “falls” off a ladder so a Hallmark hero can save the day (where are these guys when I’m up…and down on ladders?).
- Love at first sight, well, unless it’s hate at first sight that turns to love after hate at first sight. None of that sounds right.
- A sudden proposal, cause why not marry someone you just met and barely know?
- Really new, expensive cars often driven by folks who are allegedly poor (I do not think that word means what they think it means). Same goes for their wardrobes (you need 4 expensive winter coats for a 3-day weekend?) and houses worth a cool 1.5 million and in a small town, er, where your house number has 5-6 digits, er, right.
- A mysterious guy who may or may not be Santa.
- Insurmountable odds that turn out to be completely surmountable.
- A really obvious product placement by Folgers coffee.
- Actors and actresses that are refugees from 80s, 90s and 2000s TV shows, look vaguely like other people, or were almost famous at some point in time. They’re smart Christmas cookies though, as they know Christmas movies are played way more often than other movies…except maybe “Independence Day”, but hey, Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum do,uh, uh, uh, save the world from aliens in that classic documentary.
- Ice skating and pretending to learn to ice skate, preferably so the heroine can fall into or onto the hero.
- Canada Post mail boxes in American towns, which may explain why our mail is so slow, hmmm.
- Possibly a Prince, or Princess, secret millionaire, incognito actor, singer, writer and/or or long-lost relative who could be royalty or rich, or all of the above.
- Christmas events that are planned, funded, and executed about a week before Christmas. Cause that’s totally how event planning works, right?
- A snowman building competition, a gingerbread house building competition, an ice sculpture competition, a baking competition – in the spirit of Christmas, of course.
- Mistletoe versus holly debates – whoever wins, we lose.
- Gazebos, so many gazebos, tiny ice rinks, and Christmas markets/fairs.
- “Local”, small-town cafes that seem to have suspiciously expensive coffee makers, especially since people in these movies rarely seem to pay for their purchases, maybe they don’t feel it’s worth it since they only take a sip or a bite.
- The only theme for any party or festival is “Winter Wonderland” apparently and there’s an unhealthy obsession with candy canes; eggnog; gingerbread cookies and gingerbread houses; Christmas lights; tiny trains; big trains; wreaths; S’mores; caroling; bows; ornaments (especially, surprise surprise Hallmark ornaments, wow, who saw that coming?), Christmas cards (guess who again?), nutcrackers and hot stuff – hot apple cider, hot cocoa, hot chocolate…
- A Christmas ghost, or Christmas angel, or Christmas angel ghost, or Christmas ghost angel (beware the weeping Christmas angels? You know I had to slide a “Doctor Who” reference in there, but not “Doctor Who Flux”, wait, is that cause The Doctor is female now, whoa…).
- The almost kiss and then finally, “The Kiss”, usually out in totally real snow.
- Coming home for Christmas, especially if your small quaint town is named: Christmas, Snowflake, Santa, Snowball, Merry, Holly Lake, Garland, Noel, Evergreen, or something equally Christmassy.
On the 13th day of our Christmas lives, olfactory sensitivities gave to me, 13 Eau de parfum or is it perfume, fragrances, eau de toilet (perfect name, it smells like a toilet to me), cologne, or whatever the heck people are smelling themselves up with these days. Suggestion: Shower for you, mask (not just for COVID) for me.
On the 12th day of our Christmas lives, a constant need to get stuff sent mailed to me, 12 Monthly subscriptions…cake, tea, streaming, fruit, coffee, jam, cookies, popcorn, pasta, cheese, meat, spices, candy, cupcakes, wine, beer, cocktails, toys, games, puzzles, beauty products, socks, books, eBooks, audiobooks, weed, seeds, music, clothes, meals, crafts, jewelry, tech, candles, art, survival gear/prepper stuff (not looking so crazy now, huh?), plants, stamps, flowers – if you can dream it, it can be sent, streamed or downloaded to you!
A Christmas Stuff Story.
On the 11th day of our Christmas lives, portability gave to me, 11 portable campfires to make 11 portable S’mores and drinking tea from 11 portable smart mugs. Wow, that’s a lot!
On the 10th day of our Christmas lives, Marvel Cinematic Universe gave to me, 10 Rings of Shang-Chi (seriously awesome Marvel movie, let’s pretend “The Eternals” never happened).
On the 9th day of our Christmas lives, the need to connect gave to me, 9 Friendship lamps! You can glow together no matter how far apart you are…I can’t even, why not call, text, email, write a letter. What’s for Christmas 2022, Aldis lamps? Morse code?
On the 8th day of our Christmas lives, toxic advertising-induced anxiety over body image gave to me, 8 (00000) Chemicals that illuminate, exfoliate, and eventually exterminate? At least we’ll be all aglow for the holidays.
On the 7th day of our Christmas lives, marketing madness gave to me, 7 Santoku Knives – can I just write Santoku on a piece of masking tape over my Ginsu knife and feel justified?
On the 6th day of our Christmas lives, pandemic rules (and common sense) gave to me, 6 Feet A-part!!! Seriously, do people even know how far 6 feet apart is and also, follow the arrows, they’re arrows you can’t possibly pretend you don’t know what they mean…really.
On the 5th day of our Christmas lives, hype gave to me, 5 PS5 consoles (1st it was hard to find them, still hard to afford them). Remember board games, card games, Pacman…indulge me as I wander down nostalgia lane.
On the 4th day of our Christmas lives, the horror of migraines gave to me, 4 of a nifty little creation called The Wand, a handheld filter designed to remove the histamines and Sulfites in alcohol that may trigger headaches and hangovers. The Wand picks the wizard?
On the 3rd day of our Christmas lives, brandwashing annoyed me with 3 Disney Princess Ultimate Celebration Castles – 3 floors, 6 rooms and you have to turn the swing into your couch, what, are your jewels, furs, gowns, and shoes taking up too much room you need to covert things? And why a Princess? “Dolls don’t stand on their own”, sadly, neither do most Princesses. You may need to be royalty to afford the hefty price tag on this plastic palace.
On the 2nd day of our Christmas lives, temptation approved for me, 2 Credit cards (don’t let the cha-ching fool you, Christmas isn’t about who can spend the most).
And Fairtrade Christmas chocolates in a reforestration tree!!!
Christmas is an ideal time to slow down, not speed up.
A time to reflect on where we’ve been…
https://yadadarcyyada.com/2013/12/09/a-charlie-brown-christmas/ https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/11/29/twas-the-month-before-christmas/ https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/12/18/twice-upon-a-christmas-carol/
and where we are (or aren’t), and where we’re going.
All things considered I’m pleased with my year of chronic change challenge. Life has thrown very large lemons at me, so I’m drinking a lot…of lemonade.
Here’s what’s happened so far…
In August I broke up with myself https://yadadarcyyada.com/2021/08/23/seems-breakin-up-was-easier-in-the-90s/
In September I asked “What If…?” https://yadadarcyyada.com/2021/09/29/what-if/
Then in October I knew that “Sweet Screams (Are Made of This) https://yadadarcyyada.com/2021/10/29/sweet-screams-are-made-of-this/
Then in the midst of November chaos came calm https://yadadarcyyada.com/2021/11/27/have-yourself-a-merry-little-christmas/