Posted in Books, Chocolate, Family, Movies, Music, Televison, Uncategorized

In My Life I Loved Them All

1funny629Of
lovers
and
friends
I still
can
recall.
Some
are
dead
and
some are living…
In my life I loved them all.
~The BeaTles

Why do we love when it hurts so much to lose those we love?
How would you answer this question, dear readers?
My answer is as simple and as complex as love itself.
I don’t know for sure, but I think because it feels so amazing to love and be loved, also, we need each other and love connects in a way that nothing else can.

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Love and loss haunt me these days.
I decided reading would offer it’s usual distraction.
As I read Love, Rosie aka Where Rainbows End by Cecelia Ahern (Hachette Books), I felt like I was watching a long Friends episode.
Beyond wanting to swat the characters for being such annoying goofs, I was left with a nagging feeling about love and communication and their places in the modern world.

Lily Collins in Love, Rosie
This book and movie adaptation wouldn’t have happened if the two main characters even once had a simple, honest conversation. There, end of book and they lived more or less happily ever after.
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? We can communicate each moment of every day in multiple ways, yet our communication skills seem to be deteriorating. Does non-stop communication help if we’re not telling each other what we really need to know?
Ahern also wrote P.S. I Love You, a funny and poignant book, with the beautiful lesson of going on when you’re ready to go on, how you’re ready to go on, after any kind of loss, but I still liked the movie better – I blame Harry Connick Jr.

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I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean it. There’s also: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Gerard Butler, and James Marsters. Oops, I’m sorry book, probably should have read you before I saw the movie. The characters didn’t give me what I wanted, I didn’t feel a sincerity or connection, or maybe I was expecting too much.

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Love comes into our lives in many ways, family, friends, lovers, partners; to fill, enrich, challenge, sustain, nurture, embrace, excite, thrill, comfort, cherish, and support us.
It also leaves in many ways.
How can love continue to breathe when it’s viciously torn away, crushed, betrayed, taken for granted, withdrawn, or ignored?
Because it once was and in some way, somewhere, will always be.
I lost someone I love very much yesterday.
I really can’t imagine a world without…but I must.
Gone from this world, but forever in my heart.

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Which weirdly leads me to Week 4 of my Changes/Happiness Project. I wanted to fall in love again with life, and despite the loss life has repeatedly pummeled me with, I want to keep loving. Here are the first 3 weeks of challenges, if you wish to follow along, or just read about it.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/06/03/dont-worry-be-happy/
https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/06/09/to-blog-or-not-to-blog/
https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/06/15/rock-me-amadeus/

Week 4 (has it really been that long?):

1. Decide on 5 things I’d love to do today and just do them (within the limits of time, budget, circumstances, etc.)

2. New bedtime routine: think of 5 things that went well or I was grateful for today and 5 things to hope for, in days ahead.

3. Write down 10 things I want to change, but think I can’t…try to change them.

4. Avoid the cake stalking me. You give cake a bad name. It’s the power of cake. You’d think that people would have had enough of silly cake songs… Don’t know how much longer I can hold out.

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5. Reduce stimuli (mental and physical).

6. Remove a 100 calories per day (chocolate, I still love you, but there’s going to be a shortage of you soon and we have to get used to being apart…ok, that’s long enough.)

7. Construction begins on our street. Allow some time each day to admire the workers…work.

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So why do we love when it hurts so much to lose people?
You don’t turn down the greatest gift in the world just because you can’t keep it forever.

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Very me

132 thoughts on “In My Life I Loved Them All

  1. Hi Donna – So sorry for your loss. If you are ever told to go have some of that cake in order to feel better, don’t believe it! Stay strong! Meeting your goals is the way to lift your spirits! (I know I’m no fun, but I speak the truth!)
    Loved this touching post, and hang in there with that construction – it seems to be bad for everyone I talk to. I have to add extra drive time everywhere I go because it’s so bad on the roads around here. Infrastructure issues are a real concern for everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you kindly. 🙂
      I’m avoiding the cake and just getting ready to admire the construction workers I mean work. It’s not too bad, tis the season and they’re putting in bike lanes so that’s awesome. 🙂
      Hope this day treats you well. 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I’m sending virtual Bara Brith which is like eating fruit so don’t worry about it. I’ve lost too so understand the feeling of numbness but as someone else has asked, if you feel like talking/sharing, I’m here.
    I like the question about giving up on the idea of love if you can’t have it forever. I’d say I’m a rank coward and would avoid getting into a situation that was likely to develop because I couldn’t be left behind again. Having said that, could I leave someone else behind to suffer? Maybe there are times when it’s better not too love? And yet I’m a romantic and believe strongly in love. Confusing isn’t it.
    xxx Massive Hugs to you Donna xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, David. 🙂
      Hope you are feeling better. 🙂
      I believe in love, in all forms and I think when it comes along, it would be wrong to say no. 🙂
      Thank you again for caring and massive, huge, squeezy hugs! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry for your loss Donna. I think that as social souls we feel the need to get close to other souls, as talk to our mind. No matter that we know the risk. Maybe we should just learn to enjoy the times, as we have with others and then go through the door, when we feel this is time. Have a good day Donna.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think we love because love, in it’s many forms, is life itself and the greatest gift we can ever give or receive. We never really get over loss we just to learn to live a different life – I’m learning at the moment 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are a guru… I keep saying this too will pass and then there’s Jennifer.. I keep saying live in the moment and then there’s Jennifer… Was she the same person I knew 16 years ago? Hardly…. Way way different and I’m actually ok now that she’s way way on the other side of the country…

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  6. I was just thinking about a friend of mine who passed away a few years ago, trying in vain to find the right words to describe our often strange relationship. Great last line – and so true.

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  7. I am sorry for your loss ((((hugs)))
    With regards to love……the love I have for the family I have created is boundless, And I am grateful for it every day. But the other kinds of love? I am cynical now, having been both hurt and betrayed by too many people who laid claim to love. The fact that I loved them is why it hurt so much. So, while I like the idea of love, and have enjoyed being ‘in love’, I have drawn the conclusion that it’s just not something I am meant to have.

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    1. Thank you kindly. 🙂
      I was referring to love, in general, for family, friends, as well as partners. 🙂
      Although it comes in many different forms, I think the amount of love we can feel is infinite. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know. And I agree the love we can feel is infinite. It’s just not been my experience in the last couple of years from family, friends and partners. So, I am cynical.

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  8. I guess it depends on how much and how many times, and the percent of the loved ones you’ve lost… Personally i question whether it’s worth it.
    But i’m happy you have a positive attitude, Donna. Very happy for that indeed. Mega hugs. 🙂

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    1. Thank you kindly, Teagan. 🙂
      I’m losing loved ones rapidly these days and in the past, but I guess I keep accumulating them. 😉
      Better to have loved, etc., but it’s something we have to decide for ourselves. 🙂
      Hope this day is being good to you. 🙂
      Megahugs. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. And what i should have said to begin…[Silly me — trying to type faster than my tears could spring out. I cry too easily these days, and I’m not used to being that way.]
        I’m so very sorry that you’ve had yet another loss, Donna… If you need someone to just listen — you know where i am. Huge hugs.

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      2. Thank you so much, sweetie. I hope I didn’t make you cry although crying is quite cathartic at times.
        You’re a wonder, Teagan and I really appreciate the offer, right now I’m just kind of numb and keeping busy to distract me.
        Huge megahugs!!! 🙂

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    1. Thank you kindly. 🙂
      And yes, construction is annoying even when it’s for a good reason (they’re putting in bike lanes – yahoo!), but there’s always a silver lining. 😉

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      1. Hopefully this will help…here they ride on the sidewalks so much when they don’t have bike lanes, I understand, I wouldn’t want to be in the traffic either, but it’s really dangerous to the people who are actually supposed to be on the sidewalks.

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  9. Big question. Very good attitude. Sorry to hear about your losses. I hope you find your answers (I don’t think there’s a single one). Good luck with the stalking cake. They should be laws against them. ♥

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  10. I hate loss. Even other people’s loss. I am so sorry for you. But I love how you continue to be hilarious in spite of it all. The Star Wars reference to Star Wars references is priceless. And I too have always been mad for Harry Connick. I was at a club listening to one of his early live performances when he looked right at me and said that ‘the woman he loved’ was in the audience that night. I thought I would faint, but then the woman right behind me (Jill, his soon-to-be-wife) stood up, to the audience’s applause. Darn.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, we have to do what makes us happy in the here and now. Better to have loved and all that. Hope you’re having a great week, Kate – I know you are, saw your post of the pampering 😉 Hope the weekend is an awesome one. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really think you’re sharing them and he’s spreading them, I do believe, looking around, they may be in more and more of our heads…or some might be crack chipmunks, they’re be a bit cuter. 😉

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  11. I’m very sorry to hear about your loss, and I admire how you can still retain your sense of humour – and write a charming post while grieving.

    P.S. I know EXACTLY what you mean about the Power of the Cake.

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  12. I feel sorry for anyone that chooses to avoid love because it hurts or ultimately have to deal with loss. As Tennyson’s famous quote says… “It’s better to have been loved and lost than never loved at all.”

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  13. I think a lot of people *do* give up. You meet them, they’re bitter and burnt out and unable to love. Try to love them and likely get singed for the trouble. They hurt people and drive them away. I don’t feel that way (and venture that most of us don’t), but go through periods where I need to retreat to a corner, mourn, and recover. But I’m never the same on the other side. There’s powerful passages in Zorba the Greek (a college read) where he talks of being the life of the party but then goes off alone and is sad. He says the dead drink your blood and are brought back to life, but you are weakened in the process. The more of them there are, the more you are weakened. It’s a dark view but there are surely times it resonates.

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    1. It does resonate. I feel I’ve had enough darkness in my life, whether by my own hand or forced upon me, it’s not somewhere I wish to go again, even to visit. Sorrow teaches me more and more that life is short and must be lived in a state, if not happiness, then contentment, or peace. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. We embrace beginnings but detest endings, all without recognizing that without endings there can be no beginnings. For me the key is to believe that in the final analysis there is something transcendent. Whether this is true or not really won’t matter after the fact.

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    1. There is a certainly a cycle to life, things begin, things change, things end, other things begin and so on…I don’t know the meaning or if there is any, but it’s an interesting theory.

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  15. Don’t remove the chocolate! Remove 1 potato instead. Don’t remove happiness from your life!
    I have never read PS. I love you. The time the book was written, Cecelia’s father wasn’t very popular in Ireland, and I didn’t want anything to do with the family 🙂 The movie was all right though. I would read her books later, but I have some 20 unread books on my Kindle – they add up faster than I read.. 🙂

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    1. Yes, I love that meme that says something like, I was born with a reading list I’ll never finish. So many books… 😉
      I’m not removing chocolate, we’re just not seeing each other as frequently and I rarely, if ever eat potatoes anymore. 🙂 I’m acting adding happiness to my life! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  16. It is that inevitable ‘double-edged sword.’ With all the joy and wonder and love that that one brought into your world, and together you became a miracle showered with daily blessings. It seems it will last forever. That day comes when that sword separates your lead-like bond, and he is gone. With all of the intense feelings of hope, love, happiness that was yours for thirty years has become the deepest pain, an unrepairable broken heart, and tears that flow like a river. That is when God finds another path for you that will eventually restore your faith and happiness.

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  17. In My Life by the Beatles is my favorite song of all. Weirdly, just yesterday I encouraged my nephew to dance to this song with his mom (mother/son dance) for his August wedding. He listened to it and heartily agreed.
    Without love, we have nothing. Without hurt and sadness, there is no joy.

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