Posted in Awards, Blogs, Books, Canada, Cats, Chocolate, Internet, Uncategorized

I Can’t Make You Love Me

1blog70It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a woman in possession of a blog, must be in want of readers.

For some, blogs take off faster than a Nascar driver chasing after sponsorship, for most others, like me, it’s a slow ride…

I know some of the reasons it’s been a slow ride, I’ve broken the first rule of The Blog Club, don’t talk about The Blog Club, no, that’s not it, oh yes, find a niche. Never have, probably never will. I figure if I get bored, you will too.

To me, giving blogging advice is like trying to explain to someone how to: dance, paint, drive, or make love in a canoe. Sometimes you just have to do it and make the mistakes, have the close calls, possibly tip over at the most inopportune moment.

When asked my blogging advice I offered https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/04/10/im-hooked-on-a-feeling/

 …but with a rebel yell you cried more, more, more…so here goes:

1. Choose a name for your blog. I didn’t know this was important when I choose mine. Live and learn.

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2. Size matters, but it’s more about how you use it, mind out of the gutter, I’m taking about post size. Remember, it doesn’t matter how much they love your posts, your readers have lives.

3. Try to use images that work with your post. Adding a random picture of an adorable kitten just to suck up to the cats who run the internet might be smart, but come on, who does that?

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4. Don’t get too stressed about the numbers, like right now, most numbers seem down on WordPress, who knows why? First, I blamed the Royal baby, but Princess Charlie is just too awfully cute. Then Mayweather/Pacquiao fight, Mother’s Day, elections, weather, labour unrest, but in the end I had to admit the truth – it’s WordPress. They probably changed their algorithms, come on, they’re always changing something, so statistically (and they love stats), it has to be them.

5. Poofread, er, proofread or get someone else to (and you can always correct it afterwards). We all make mistakes.

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6. I can’t make you love me, well, actually, my posts, but one of the best parts about blogging is connecting with your readers and other bloggers, without all of you, what’s the point? Like everything else, sometimes you have to take someone’s hand and other times, offer yours.

7.  It’s not a race or a contest. Don’t worry if  a post is going to go viral, or get Freshly Pressed https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/03/26/why-i-will-never-be-freshly-pressed/ or be nominated for awards, or making you rich and famous. Take a deep breath. Right now is about right now.

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8. Blogging advice can be confusing, here’s the problem, what I think is terribly catchy and clever might not be to others. Obviously I think I’m writing something good, otherwise why would I publish it? Do what you want to do.

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9. To be a shameless self-promoting bloghussy like me or not to be, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous rejection while promoting on social media….aye, there’s the rub. I like Twitter, Tumblr and Pinterest, but Facebook just lays there like a mouldy, old ad-filled sock. 

10. Don’t worry about if you’re going to offend someone, it’s the internet, someone is always, and I mean always, offended. Always.

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Who am I kidding? I have no idea what works. I’ve poured my heart out and had the post sit there, alone, shivering like the last leaf on a tree before winter. Just do what you feel is right, in the famous words of those sage philosophers, Cheap Trick, “Surrender, Surrender, but don’t give yourself away”.

What about you, dear readers, what would be your best blogging advice?

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Author:

Very me

206 thoughts on “I Can’t Make You Love Me

  1. you know, I especially like your blog because it’s so uncommon – kind of: not fashion with all the colours, the photos and films, the design and so … that makes it refreshing to me. like your thoughts and comments on … all these everyday more-less-important-stuff.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re a storyteller, Kate and you’re amazing at it, whether about your family, recipes (especially the gone wrong, but still somehow work ones), DIY, thoughts on life…I think your best advice would be, to live and share that living! 🙂 Big hugs! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The Traveling Wilburys said “It’s Alright, if you live the life you please, doing the best you can, as long as you lend a hand. Well it’s all right, even if they say you’re wrong, sometimes you gotta be strong, As long as you got somewhere to lay, even when push comes to shove, if you got someone to love, everything’ll work out fine, we’re going to the end of the line Don’t have to be ashamed of the car I drive, I’m glad to be here, happy to be alive, It don’t matter if you’re by my side. Well it’s all right, even if you’re old and gray, you still got something to say, remember to live and let live, the best you can do is forgive. Well it’s all right, riding around in the breeze, if you live the life you please, even if the sun don’t shine, we’re going to the end of the line.”

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  3. Thanks for this. This isn’t so much blogging advice but a conundrum. I like a personal approach and try to refer to readers by name and also tend to leave comments whenever I read a post. After all, I love getting comments on my posts and generating a bit of discussion, interaction and building a community. However, I am also working hard to build up my readership and the more readers or followers you have, the less personal your blog becomes. So, there’s a balance.
    I also believe that we need to read a good number of posts everyday to support our community. Reading is the blogging equivalent of talking and we all need to listen. I really do feel that we have a hell of a lot of talking happening and not enough listening. As much as I can talk and write underwater, I also believe in that saying “two ears one mouth”. xx Rowena

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is a difficult balance, but worth it. And I think you’re doing a great job at it. 🙂
      Yes, I like reading other posts, they’re enjoyable, sometimes thought-provoking, entertaining, they give me a different perspective, make me wonder and change my opinions and you’re exactly right, it’s listening instead of posting which is talking. Brilliant, you are! 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks, Donna. I am known for talking underwater and am quite the extrovert but a few years ago I made a point of trying to become a better listener and taking turns…which is a very basic conversational skill. I attended a training course once where we were told 2 ears one mouth and one of the girls made this set of big ears out of cardboard and stuck them on. Made it really sink in.

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      2. It’s a skill that is lapsing, we’ve become used to instant gratification and that involves thinking of the next thing we’re going to say, type, or text instead of listening to what is being said o us, one way or another. My son’s Grade 1 teacher used to say that to the children, you were given two ears and one mouth, let’s do the math. lol It makes sense. 🙂

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  4. I love this post and I think you’ve nailed it on all points.
    It’s impossible to know what people will connect with and often incomprehensible to see what they do!
    I am still so utterly amazed and pleased when people comment, it means they’re really reading and that’s come to mean the most to me. I’d love more reader interaction, reblogs and shares; I’d love to be freshly pressed or have tons of followers (notice though that “those” blogs often have owners who are too important to reply or read me!) but I’ve yet to score the magic formula to make it so.
    I hate Tumblr (long gone from there, needed a shower after each use!), Twitter is too superficial (followers come and go so fast and interaction is next to nil), love Pinterest (the best of them for my craft blog), LinkdIn (kinda stuffy, not user friendly) and Facebook… well, I had a page there that was highly successful but all the changes in the last year have made it literally a wasteland and am deleting it. A new page with a different focus will face an uphill battle, it’s just too hard for users to expend all the effort, me included! I liked the non-algorithm Facebook!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The interesting thing about social media is how different things work for different people, I guess we all just have to find what works for us…and as we know, that changes too. I guess in the end, blogging is just like life, the only thing you can really count on is change. 🙂
      Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts on the subject. Hope this day treats you kindly. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  5. No one would ask me advice because I am new and you have 6000 more readers than I do. 🙂 ( and I’m good with that) My social anxiety would go through the roof if 6000 people were following me.

    My advice would be, if asked, very simply- Be you. Someone will appreciate that. Anything else is just a fraud and been done before.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Great advice, as I knew you’d offer. 🙂
      The actual number of people that engage and care are probably comparable, the numbers are just that, numbers, it’s all about doing what you enjoy and hoping others enjoy as well. 🙂

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  6. You give great advice. If you want steady and consistent followers – follower others, comment and like. My other advice, don’t ignore people that are kind enough to like and comment on your blog, develop a blogging relationship with them and respect that they took the time to stop by, and if they are commenting we owe it to them to go visit their blog. Reciprocity is a big deal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, another blogger and I were just discussing, it’s so hard to balance once you follow a lot of people and have a lot of followers, the comments, etc. take time, but I think, it’s worth it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s really unfair to expect people to just come your way without reciprocating, so it is the way it is. I do like your topics of conversation ~ always inspiring.

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    1. Not too long, well, unless you have readers that will take the time to read…and white space. 🙂 You’re right, attention…and time are limited now. 🙂

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  7. Having read all the comments, I can only say two things; 1) use this blog as inspiration. This is one of my favorite blogs and try to never miss a post!
    2) Category and Tags!!!! You’ll see your traffic increase almost instantly. If you’re not sure how to use them, don’t hesitate to ask.
    P.S. I noticed you are in Uncategorized 😉

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    1. Thank you kindly, I was thinking of all your beautiful images of your cats, and they make sense in your blog…but on a whole, images can be tricky to use. I’m glad we like each other’s blogs, it’s really such a lovely community, isn’t it?
      I’m also under: Cats, Chocolate, Blogs, Internet, Canada, etc. But You’re right, tags and categorizes are difficult to use, but important for traffic. 🙂 Great advice from a great bloggers, thanks for sharing your wisdom! 🙂

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  8. Great post!

    Your posts are witty, funny, and often spot-on and I bet that’s what your readers like. You’re not afraid to be opinionated on the things you’re passionate about.
    So methinks you are doing a lot of things right.

    One never knows what will resonate with readers so don’t sweat it.

    I think I have a blog community and I cherish each blogger friend. They follow me and I follow them and I care about their well-being. If one is missing for a while, I check in to see if they are okay. They do the same for me. I couldn’t possibly do this for thousands of followers, so I am VERY happy with my community size.

    Every once in a while, however, I selectively follow a few new bloggers whose posts I really like. some are already following other blogger friends, so easy for me to find them. And when I’m well enough, I always reply to a comment.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think it’s important for everyone to do what they feel comfortable with, it’s your time and your life, others don’t live your life so they can’t tell you what’s right or what will work. 🙂
      Thank you kindly for the lovely words, Cynthia, I’m blushing, but ignore that and continue. 😉
      But seriously, if your blog is stressing you out, that’s not fun and that would be the point where you’d have to rethink it…I know I’ve changed a lot of things to make it easier and more fun. 🙂
      Thanks for dropping by and hope this day is being good to you. 🙂

      Liked by 4 people

  9. I always look forward to your posts. This post is just another example of why I follow you. Humorous teaching is what I like to call it! Or Brilliant! I will let you choose. 😉

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    1. Heehee, I love that Michelle, humorous teaching, ok, and if forced, I’ll take the brilliant as well. 😉
      Thank you kindly, I’m glad people are liking it. 🙂
      Hope this day is treating you well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I have no blogging advice, but I just wanted to let you know I love your posts. Your sense of humor is awesome. It’s why I keep coming back. BRAVO! ::clap clap::

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  11. My numbers are down too! Sheesh!
    Great advice! I am finishing the last edits on my book before I get pro edits and have to re-edit. GAH! I’m putting more time into something tangible that may make money some day. I’ll keep blogging and hope the numbers rise again.

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    1. All the numbers seemed to have dropped, I know the ‘Reader’ where we see the ‘Blogs We Follow’ has gone wonky so I assume WordPress has changed something, again to make it so people see our posts less, just a guess, but…maybe they’ll fix it – I won’t hold my breath. 😉
      I think you may have a good point about putting your time into something more tangible, I’m thinking about that myself. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. The Reader used to show only recent posts, now it has older posts as well randomly interspersed; I can understand people seeing that they’d previously ‘Liked’ something older and assuming they were at the end of the newer posts. It’s confusing.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. You’re right, Donna.  “Do what you want to do.”  After all, it’s not as though we’re charging anyone to read our blogs… so why shouldn’t it be whatever we want?  Huge hugs.  😀 Teagan R. Geneviene

    From: yadadarcyyada Sent: Tuesday, May 12, 2015 9:05 AM Subject: [New post] I Can’t Make You Love Me WordPress.com | D. Parker posted: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a woman in possession of a blog, must be in want of readers.For some, blogs take off faster than a Nascar driver chasing after sponsorship, for most others, like me, it’s a slow ride…I know some of the re” | |

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      1. Sorry about all the gobbldy-goop in my comment. I get blocked (in the weirdest ways) from blogs at work. It seems so random too. This time i could go to your blog just fine, but was blocked when i tried to comment…. so i replied on the email, and it added all that stuff.
        All things considered, it was a better day than it might have been. I hope yours was good. Mega hugs right back. 🙂

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      2. I kind of like the idea that I was blocked from a gov’t workplace, heehee, what a rebel…No worries. 🙂
        When a sentence starts with ‘All things considered’, I think you need to relax and let’s hope tomorrow doesn’t need a qualifier. Mine was good (all things considered). 😉
        Megahugs. 🙂

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  13. I’ve only been in the “game” for a few months but I’ve seen my readership go from about 40 to 180 a day in that time. The posts I think are winners get ignored, the “fillers” get 600 views. I’ve decided to write whatever the hell I feel like it and go from there. “It;s my blog and I’ll write what I want to!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. I don’t have a lot of readers but notice if I post a photo of a squirrel drinking out of a dog-dish-bird-bath or a frog hiding in the oregano, it’ll get more likes than a long, introspective essay. I now understand why – there’s little time & effort needed to look at and click “like” for a funny squirrel photo; an essay requires more commitment. But I didn’t start a blog to (just) post funny photos. The essays will keep coming by gum!

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      1. I think it’s that, definitely and people seem to think they have to agree with every single point of your post to click ‘Like’, they seem to think clicking ‘Like’ is a big deal or lifetime commitment. Sometimes I click “like’ even if I don’t agree, because I like that the person took the time to write the post, that they had a point of view, they made an effort. I think people over think ‘Likes’ or they’re being cheap with them. 😉

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  14. My best blogging advice is: Show up and Be sincere. If you can do those two things, you’ll be a doing great. You might not be super popular, but at least you’ll be real. Which I believe counts for everything– in life and in blogging. FWIW.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I’m a new reader to your blog and I’m absolutely loving it. It always makes me laugh. Thanks for the good advice-your description of the lone leaf shivering in the wind is perfect! Starting blogging has been a great exercise for me because it’s brought me back to the age-old question…am I still trying to people-please? UGH. Maybe you keep blogging until either you exorcise your personal demons or else emerge champion of your own soul. Wish me luck. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for dropping by, it’s always nice to have company. I’m truly pleased to hear it made you laugh. 🙂
      The best of luck to you, but I’m not sure the reasons matter as much as how it makes us feel. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I always say just keep writing and always answer your comments. Getting to know my readers through the comment section has been a blast, and new followers have told me they followed the blog because they enjoyed reading the comments section. You never know what’s going to hook a new reader… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First 3 on that list are always on my mind, Survivor, I think you’ve already gone viral on so what else is there to say?
      Maybe a future Star Wars movie can be about a group of rebels on an island competing for codes and plans and weapons while fighting off zombie Stormtroopers that have traveled through time. Or not.
      All the best with your new ebook, Austin and thanks for sharing your advice. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Hmmm. I wondered what had happened to my not-very-stunning-anyway stats (!) If you did nothing else in this post, My Dear, you made me feel like Not Such A Loser. And that, when the posting rubber hits the road, stats-wise, quality is more (gulp) important than quantity. Bless you. And keep you blogging. You will always have at least one Faithful Reader. Me.

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    1. I think most noticed their numbers were down and probably thought it was just them, so I started noting others numbers over a week or so and saw, no, pretty much everyone was down and then there’s issues with the Reader interspersing new and older posts.
      At any rate, numbers are just numbers, the reality is, as long as we’re still having fun, that’s the important part. 🙂
      We’ve gotta hold on to what we’ve got. It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not. We’ve got each other and that’s a lot, oh no, now I’ve lapsed into Bon Jovi. lol 😉
      Hope this day treats you kindly. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  18. All the advice you offer here is quite good. And your quite right when you mentioned all the bloggers have lives to live. I would love to have more time to read everyone who visits my Attic every day, and I try. but I sense it is a physical impossibility. So I cycle through everyone who does as often as i can. Advice? Write what pleases you. Hopefully others will feel the same. :O)

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    1. Yes, that’s really the best advice, do what you can when you can and enjoy the writing and the social aspect, as long as you’re enjoying it, hopefully others feel that. 🙂

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      1. No doubt, we all would like our writing to be appreciated by others. I feel it is just a matter of tapping into the experience that the reader will find most interesting, and then presenting it with a style that captures their imagination.

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  19. Poofleading is really the only important thing I’ve found. Also regular posting. And finding a question everybody asks and nobody’s answered and putting up just enough of an answer people pop in to complain that it’s not completely answered yet.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I cannot follow instructions, have no idea why–or right. I should actually read them and not only look at the pictures.
    When I started out, I had no idea what I was doing. Still don’t. I do my thing and if anyone finds something that appeals to them in my posts, then I’m tickled something funny. Numbers? Like you said, it’s not a race, and anyway, I’m retired. If I can’t enjoy myself now, when?
    As always, Donna, a thought provoking post. {{hugs}}

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Instructions are often incomprehensible and clearly, you’re a visual learner. I didn’t know what I was doing either when I started, I’m still learning new things each day, if nothing else, that’s made it worthwhile. The truth is, the one thing I didn’t understand or expect has been the best part of blogging: you all – the readers, bloggers, the people I’ve virtually met.
      It’s not a race, it’s a trip and a great one. 🙂
      Thank you kindly, Tess and hope this day is a good one and you get to read and relax. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  21. What I like best about reading your blog, Donna, is that I come away from it feeling as if I spent my time well. I feel as if I have actually connected with you for that part of my day. You have a gift that way. Congratulations, my friend.

    As for me, I continue to write about my life, my way, with no made-up names or fictional characters. I attempt to tell my stories in such a way that other people can relate them to their lives. That’s my hope, at least. Even when my posts are connected to movies or community events here where I live, I try to find the universal string. Enough about me.

    Yes, to everybody above who says engage, talk, converse with everybody who takes the time out of their lives to follow and do that with your blog. Yes, it’s hard and time consuming. And the Reader is impossible to navigate, I find, because of how it jumps around sometimes, so I try to go by email notificaitons, and those pile up.

    And the mighty 10,000-pound paradox in BloggyVille is, to me, the more you live life to make ends meet and have interesting things to actually write about, the less time you have to take the steps of reciprocation. … Anyway, I feel guilty when I get to my friends’ posts a day or more late. This comment here is one day late. Sorry, Donna. I still adore you and every conversation we’ve ever had and will have. 😉 ❤

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    1. Awww shucks, Mark, how you do go on…so go on. 😉 Really, continue, I will bask…enough basking, I love how everyone has their own take on the world, it’s like you never know what you’re going to read or learn or begin to question or wonder.
      You’re excellent at connecting that universal string to our hearts, or heads, maybe even our toes. 🙂
      I agree, the hard part is the more you connect the less time you have to connect.
      Whether it’s a day, a week, or month later, you’re always welcome to drop by here for a visit anytime, after all, we are in mutual adoration. 🙂

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      1. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Donna, for being the you that you always are, no matter my tardy ways. And I’ll take a flattery trade with you any and every day of the week because, well, every word is true in both directions. 😉

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      2. You’re welcome, you’re welcome, you’re welcome and thank you for being you, I just know each time I open one of your posts I’m going to get a treat – I’ve become positively Pavlovian about it. 😉

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      3. Now I’ve got the song ‘Ring My Bell’ in my head, great, you’ve discoed me, hope you’re happy.
        I did bring up Pavlov, but my reference was sweet and perfectly innocent. 😉

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  22. Reblogged this on Angie Mc's Reblog Love and commented:
    Dear Lord, Donna, you make me laugh! More cowbell? You bet! My best advice, which is life advice because I have not right to give blogging advice is: be fearless, work hard, and enjoy the ride. More personally, engage and share the love. And, thanks for digging Twitter & not so much Facebook 🙂

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    1. Thanks for the great advice, Angie and thank you kindly for the reblog love. 🙂
      All this reblog needs is…you guessed it, more cowbell! 😉
      Hope this week is being good to you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Number 10 is true to the bone.

    I didn’t know that the stats on WordPress had dropped in general. I just figured my blog had begun to reflect my overall hygiene after two months in a cast during an extreme drought that IS NOT RELATED to observable weather changes–nope, not at all.

    I am toying with the idea of writing a post about blogging that is specific to people with mental health problems. Some of us have illnesses that slow us down or interrupt the work flow. One thing I’ve learned in this regard is that a normal timetable for how a blog grows can’t apply to someone who loses time under the best circumstances.

    I’ve read that at six months I should have twice the number of followers that I have.

    I’m just grateful for the people who do read my blog. Every last one of them is a gift to me.

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    1. I don’t think there’s a magic formula or any set number, I think it’s just more about who finds each other in this massive virtual haystack. I’m glad we found each other, Rob. 🙂
      I think a post about blogging specific to those with mental health problems would be interesting to those with or without issues. 🙂
      Hope this week is being good to you. All the best. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  24. The word of wisdom 🙂 There is also something very subtle, personal – say, you read About page and you just feel that you want to return even if the blog isn’t stunning. You just like this person.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. First of all. Love the title. I never thought about it. Others on the outside looking in…have “thought” about it “for” me. “Target audience” “marketing strategies” etc.

    Personally I write from an authentic place, pray that reaches who it’s assigned to and enjoy the journey.

    Appreciating you,

    e

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  26. I’m …intrigued… I am a firm believer that laughter is the best medicine. Your blogging advice is not only informative but it made me laugh out loud– at work- in my office- with people outside my door looking in, laughing as well! What a rush! You’ve definitely got a way with words. Kudos, and thanks~~~ Add us to the numbers!!!

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    1. Thank you kindly, that’s wonderful to hear!!! I’m so pleased I could make you laugh and others! And I found your blog, the title alone had me laughing. 🙂
      Thanks for dropping by and hope this day is treating you well. 🙂

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    1. Here and there, I like to research, so I just bounce around finding ones that amuse me and save them till I find the right (for me) time. ie. If I want X-Files gifs, I just search X-Files gifs. 🙂 Hope that helps. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  27. So I was reading your post and I was thought “do you know what would be *hilarious*? If I scroll down to the end and comment that this post needs more cowbell.” But then I thought “actually, this is a very funny/useful post that I’m really enjoying, so I’d better read it all. Imagine my horror when I scroll down and see Christopher Walken uttering that faithful line.

    And now I got nothin’.

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    1. I think so much of it is different for different people, we just have to do what makes us comfortable. 🙂
      I have amazing followers, mine their collective wisdom!!! 😉

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    1. Congrats on your nomination! Well-deserved! Thank you for inspiring us!
      And thank you kindly for nominating me as well, I am thrilled and very grateful. 🙂
      Hope this weekend treats you well. 🙂

      Like

    1. Congrats on your nomination! Well-deserved! Thank you for inspiring us!
      And thank you kindly for nominating me as well, I am thrilled and very grateful. 🙂
      Hope this weekend treats you well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Hi Donna,
    I don’t know what was funnier the part about the canoe tipping over or the part where you called yourself a bloghussy.
    Are you this funny in real time? Just asking.
    At any rate, I have plans to link to the canoe part at some later date. Too funny to pass up.
    Great tips, and post, as always.
    Thanks for bringing your post to Blogger’s Pit Stop last week.
    Janice, Pit Stop Crew.

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    1. Well, as Canadians there are important things we have to learn, canoe skills are one. 😉 And we need to be shameless self-promoting bloghussies – if we don’t feel our blogs are good enough to promote, why would anyone else want to read them?
      I think because I love to laugh so much from a very oung age I found ways to pass laughter on to others as well – misery may love company, but I think joy loves it more. 🙂
      Thank you kindly, Janice and #BloggersPitStop is wonder-filled as always, I always find it blogging gold, there’s always some glittering nuggets of blog treasure to find, thank you for letting us hang around and rest and connect.
      Hope this weekend treats you well. 🙂

      Like

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