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A Singular Girl’s Guide To Life

1funny753As a girl you grow up being taught so many things, but many girls aren’t taught how to be single, better yet, singular, or even better, singularly spectacular.  I’m pretty sure this goes for boys as well.

One of the big things looming over a single person is dating. The mysteries of the ages look simple compared to dating. Dating is so complex there are times you don’t even know you’re on a date, in fact, you could be on a date right now. And actually getting a date, that’s more complicated than doing your taxes and most often, less fun.

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Dating keeps getting weirder…texting, online dating (did they just match me up with my ex?), sexting, digital fantasies – are we dating or on a sci-fi reality show? And what’s with The Bachelor? If I wanted to date a guy who was dating lots of other women at the same time I would have stayed in the music scene. No, I don’t accept your rose, I don’t know where it’s been.

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  • Be ready to let it go. Hypothetically let’s say you and another person manage to agree to see each other, at a specific time and place, not virtually, but the date isn’t going well. He endlessly checks his phone, explains how women who like chocolate are emotionally constipated, tells stories about his spawn-of-Satan-horns-and-all ex (still married, just a technicality, really, we’re waiting until after the baby is born to divorce), the time he was in prison (a complete misunderstanding), asks to see your toes, and then he says, “Hey, I missed you,” when you came back from the washroom. You start looking for exits and wondering why you didn’t take the money you spent on hair, clothes, and make-up for the date and buy lottery tickets; the odds are ever in your favour. In a desperate attempt to save the date, you try to find common ground, only to discover it’s more like quicksand.

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  • Be the change you want to see in the date. Don’t think of a bad date as a disaster (that word is reserved for when your plane goes down, the volcano you’re climbing erupts, or you learn they’re discontinuing your favourite ice cream flavour), think of it as a learning opportunity. Do a forensic exam of the date. It might have gone better if you hadn’t talked about your extreme obsession with Daryl Dixon (not Norman Reedus, Daryl Dixon), or the hilarious time you put laxatives in your ex’s coffee, or enthused about the TV show, Say Yes to The Dress and how you can’t wait to be on it, or told your date his haircut makes him look like Charles Manson. But who can really pin down the exact moment where things went wrong?

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  • Be the date. Visualize how you want the date to go. You want to charm your date. Be urbane and witty, your eyes should sparkle like diamonds, your hair should catch the light as your toss it casually over your shoulder (not too close to the candlelight or it will actually catch on fire).

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  • Be who you want to date. Think about it, if you want your date to be interesting and fun, be that yourself. If you want your date to be a bad boy type who may run guns on the weekend and is wiping his fingerprints from all the silverware and glasses he uses on the date, be that yourself (oh, don’t forget to take your napkin, they can do wonders with DNA nowadays).

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  • Be your own date. If dating is getting you down, take a break. Learn how to be a singularly spectacular person on your own. Take yourself out to dinner without reading or checking your cellphone, instead, watch the people (not in a creepy-the-management-has-to-ask-you-to-leave-and-puts-your-picture-up-so-you-can’t-come-back way); appreciate the meal and me time. Take yourself to the movie, but if you’re still on the lookout for Mr. Right even when spending time alone, I don’t recommend Magic Mike XXL, the gents in the audience will be more into Channing Tatum than you.

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Being a singular person is about being you, in all situations, so get out there and be your own party.

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Author:

Very me

132 thoughts on “A Singular Girl’s Guide To Life

  1. You were in the music scene? Explain!
    Man, the tales I could tell you internet dating……but, I did find B online, so it can work, you just have to have very active filters in place. X

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      1. Cool 🙂

        Did you not see my message asking how
        you’re doing? Yesterday, I think. 🙂

        And oh yes, VERY active filters…and the ability to spot the normal rhythm of another’s online chat typing so you know when you’ve asked a tricky question and
        they’re lying……..to see as many FULL LENGTH pictures of them (The Man With The Huge Head) and to check they are real and
        have friends and family and aren’t using someone else’s picture……all that before you start looking at whether you might actually LIKE them!

        But my method worked in the end 😀

        B had far more impressive leg muscles are jumping through all my hoops! X

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      2. That’s hilarious, you’re one smart cookie. 🙂
        I probably saw it, sorry, I’m in avoidance mode about how I’m feeling, yucky, have a doc’s appt, who knows, maybe he can help.
        Active filters, still love that. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Did doc help? Or did he just offer you anti d’s? You’d be better off with tryptophan (cottage cheese, turkey), B6, B3, Dopa Mucuna, Rhodiola, B1. Happy to give you dose details etc if you want.

        And let us not forget the benefits of chocolate in these bleak situations – increases serotonin production, which is why it’s known as a comfort food. 🙂

        Hope it’s not too unbearable. I think it’s always ultimately a shock, even when we think we’re prepared for the loss. We never are.

        Huge hugs, dearest D.

        L. Xx

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      4. Sorry, haven’t seen him yet.
        I never ever forget chocolate.
        For me loss is always about the loss of never seeing the person again, hearing their voice, laughing, stuff like that. The other day I was in a store and I picked up something and put it in my cart and then I looked at it a few minutes later and thought, who are you buying that for and then it hit me, someone I’d lost several years ago, for me, it’s those moments when you forget then remember that are hard. 🙂
        Thank you kindly for thinking of me. Hope you are doing well (all things considered).
        Huge gentle hugs. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Agreed. It’s a myth that time heals all, it just makes you more likely to have other stuff going on over the top of it, which temporarily obscures it. But it’s always there. And remembering can hurt so much. Huge hugs back, and thankyou for your kind words. X

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      6. As The Doctor would say (yes, I’m missing Doctor Who dreadfully), “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… time-y wimey… stuff.”. 🙂

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      7. Oh, THAT’S where your wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing came from! There was me, attributing a creative process, and all the time it was DT! Lol

        Yeah, the passage of time is meaningless in terms of emotional pain. I think that once your heart’s been fractured, it never mends fully. I still get tearful and upset over my Grandmother dying in 1982, my Grandfather in 2003, my horse in 2013, one of my cats in 1999 (no party), and a poisoned dog I stayed with til the end in Turkey in 1996. Surely such soft hearts shouldn’t fracture……softness implies a squidgyness that should mean they only get squished a bit. Maybe mine’s more like a ruptured implant!

        Wish I could give you a proper hug…..sending you mahoosive virtual ones, instead 🙂

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      8. My brain has been full of Doctor Who for 40+ years, I don’t think it’ll ever fully recover. 😉
        And yet time also heals and makes us remember the good stuff. 🙂
        I like the virtual hugs too. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Tom Baker, David Tennant, Matt Smith, Peter Davison, Jon Pertwee, though I did like Christopher Eccleston too. My son’s fav is Jon Pertwee. 🙂

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      10. My musical tastes like everything else are eclectic, I really like a lot of 80s stuff, and a lot of indie stuff. Punk, grunge, goth, what used to be called alternative. I tend to remember songs better than anything else so…Right now, listening to Sisters Of Mercy…not sure what’s next on the playlist. 😉 What about you?

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Wide, varied, more than 14,000 songs on my ipod and still not enough for me. Anything from classical, opera, hip-hop, rap, blues, jazz, swing, big band, indie, alternative, good pop…….my categories for ipod include Funk To Funky, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, 2010s and earlier 20s 30s and 40s stuff. Gershwin, Cole Porter, ambient, rock, ballads, acoustic, Classical Soothe, Classical Rouse……oh, it’s an endless list, umpteen jazz categories, loads of dance music categories…..the only stuff I claim not to like is folk (but I love Suzanne Vega) and country and western, but Nashville has changed that for me. Primarily, I’m a soul and funk girl at heart, currently revisiting a lot of Northern Soul and Tamla. Music is life, for me, and I spent 10 years or more in the dance music industry. X

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  2. I am too old and too tired to date in the modern way… Things were so much simpler when the biggest obstacle to going out was my Dad at the door.
    And… yes!! Where HAS that rose been? There are just too many ways for people to say they want “The One” and exclusivity and then to bugger it all up with FB, WP… social media VD :p
    Singularity rules! I know exactly where I stand with me, smiles

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good post! Here’s what I’ve concluded (in midlife). All the important work is “off stage” when it comes to dating. Figuring yourself out, what about *you* affected both the kinds of people you dated and the kinds of relationship you had in the past. We attract our level (depressing as that thought may sometimes prove!)

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  4. Love this! Wish I would have read this article when I was dating…Had I read this, I would have ended up with my wife a lot sooner. Instead, she had to step up to the plate and make it happen!

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  5. You have done it again Donna, great post and very good advices 😀
    It is possible to find someone online, but it is a very good idea to have patience and not do anything too fast or drastic for yourself. I have been there and it can be very tough.

    Another good thing is to define for yourself, who you are and what you have to offer a partner. Next will be what you demand from a partner and remember, that we can all say something not true, just to get closer to the person, as we like. So check up about opinions before you date too many times with the same person.

    Wish you an amazing day Donna 😀

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  6. I have not dated in a while and I sure enjoyed it when I did – most of the time. For me it was feast or famine, with too many famines, but one of the best pointers I ever got was to relax and have fun on a date, acting like whatever we were doing was the best thing in the world to be doing. It sounds fake, but it allows the other person to relax and soon you find two real people out on a date. My roommate gave me that tip and when I finally got smart enough to follow his advice, I relaxed, had fun, and ended up marrying the girl. But it doesn’t work if you haven’t learned a lot about yourself first, grown up, learned to love yourself, etc. I was too worried about having a good time to have a great time – then I wised up.

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  7. Oh Donna, I didn’t take a break from dating — i took a sabbatical — and that became permanent. Nothing. I repeat Nothing is worth having to deal with dating. All the lies, egos, lies, prejudices, lies, baggage, lies and lies… Nope. I’m done, and have been finished for a long time. Totally not worth it. I am just fine alone, and i’m sick of people who think that should be fixed, or who think I’m something less because of it.
    Oh-oh… I got on that Julia Sugarbaker soapbox again didn’t I… Mega hugs!

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    1. You’re a perfect example of a singular girl/woman Teagan, you know who you are and enjoy who you are, you’re your own party.
      I just assume if someone came along (again) it will work or not, but dating sure has gotten complicated. 😉
      Again, it’s one of those weird things, why do so many people care if someone else is single?
      Get up on that soapbox anytime, love it when you get on a roll. 😉
      Thanks for dropping by, sweetie and I hope your week is singularly spectacular (like you). 🙂
      Megahugs! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Let’s see, the last time I dated…. I ended up with 270 equal payments for three sons… Wait that was the time before…. This last time I shared a meal of Thai food I’m still paying for it.. What was it Martin Mull? “Sheep are the next best thing to a wedding ring when it’s time to go to sleep…”

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  9. Happy alone but open to the possibilities, that is a perfect way to describe it. No longer actively looking, but whatever will be, will be. 🙂

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  10. I hereby admit I snorted a little when I saw the “boyfriend material” picture.

    Also, I have no idea who would ever agree to be on The Bachelor. I can’t even watch it – appearing on it must require a very particular sort.

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  11. Love this! 😀 Dating is complicated nowadays. Texting, messages, the expectation of hooking up right away, it’s so frustrating. I just want to go on regular dates, maybe coffee or a meal of some sort and maybe even have an actual phone conversation every once and again but it seems that’s asking for too much today…

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  12. You always sound pretty spectacular singularly but also ready to be confidently happy coupled, Donna. When I was single in my 20s, I wasn’t a great dater, focused on work and career and then pressuring myself to get with it in my free time. When I was single in my 40s I was way better at it. Now I’m glad I’m not single. Here’s to you and your wise self.

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  13. Dating is SO complicated. I’d forgotten how much when I first became single again. I find it helps to remind yourself that worse case sceneario: you get a good story to tell. Funny how you mentioned avoiding getting too close to cnadles because I once set a tablecloth on fire on a first date.

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    1. I mostly agree, the worst case scenario is that you get a good story to tell unless your date is a serial killer, but that’s another post. 😉
      Oh my goodness, did you really, see, setting the tablecloth on fire s a good story, wait, unless it caused a major fire which hopefully it didn’t. 😉

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      1. The serial killer scenario is an exception, that’s true, unless you live to tell the tale.
        As for the fire, it mostly passed without incident. The bride and groom at the wedding that I nearly ruined never even noticed.

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  14. Dating is so complicated and stressful. I think I’d just be an old maid if I had to go out there again. Thanks for linking up to #fridayfrivolity! Xx

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