Posted in Canada, Chocolate, Internet, Movies, Uncategorized

A Singular Girl’s Guide To Life

1funny753As a girl you grow up being taught so many things, but many girls aren’t taught how to be single, better yet, singular, or even better, singularly spectacular.  I’m pretty sure this goes for boys as well.

One of the big things looming over a single person is dating. The mysteries of the ages look simple compared to dating. Dating is so complex there are times you don’t even know you’re on a date, in fact, you could be on a date right now. And actually getting a date, that’s more complicated than doing your taxes and most often, less fun.

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Dating keeps getting weirder…texting, online dating (did they just match me up with my ex?), sexting, digital fantasies – are we dating or on a sci-fi reality show? And what’s with The Bachelor? If I wanted to date a guy who was dating lots of other women at the same time I would have stayed in the music scene. No, I don’t accept your rose, I don’t know where it’s been.

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  • Be ready to let it go. Hypothetically let’s say you and another person manage to agree to see each other, at a specific time and place, not virtually, but the date isn’t going well. He endlessly checks his phone, explains how women who like chocolate are emotionally constipated, tells stories about his spawn-of-Satan-horns-and-all ex (still married, just a technicality, really, we’re waiting until after the baby is born to divorce), the time he was in prison (a complete misunderstanding), asks to see your toes, and then he says, “Hey, I missed you,” when you came back from the washroom. You start looking for exits and wondering why you didn’t take the money you spent on hair, clothes, and make-up for the date and buy lottery tickets; the odds are ever in your favour. In a desperate attempt to save the date, you try to find common ground, only to discover it’s more like quicksand.

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  • Be the change you want to see in the date. Don’t think of a bad date as a disaster (that word is reserved for when your plane goes down, the volcano you’re climbing erupts, or you learn they’re discontinuing your favourite ice cream flavour), think of it as a learning opportunity. Do a forensic exam of the date. It might have gone better if you hadn’t talked about your extreme obsession with Daryl Dixon (not Norman Reedus, Daryl Dixon), or the hilarious time you put laxatives in your ex’s coffee, or enthused about the TV show, Say Yes to The Dress and how you can’t wait to be on it, or told your date his haircut makes him look like Charles Manson. But who can really pin down the exact moment where things went wrong?

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  • Be the date. Visualize how you want the date to go. You want to charm your date. Be urbane and witty, your eyes should sparkle like diamonds, your hair should catch the light as your toss it casually over your shoulder (not too close to the candlelight or it will actually catch on fire).

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  • Be who you want to date. Think about it, if you want your date to be interesting and fun, be that yourself. If you want your date to be a bad boy type who may run guns on the weekend and is wiping his fingerprints from all the silverware and glasses he uses on the date, be that yourself (oh, don’t forget to take your napkin, they can do wonders with DNA nowadays).

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  • Be your own date. If dating is getting you down, take a break. Learn how to be a singularly spectacular person on your own. Take yourself out to dinner without reading or checking your cellphone, instead, watch the people (not in a creepy-the-management-has-to-ask-you-to-leave-and-puts-your-picture-up-so-you-can’t-come-back way); appreciate the meal and me time. Take yourself to the movie, but if you’re still on the lookout for Mr. Right even when spending time alone, I don’t recommend Magic Mike XXL, the gents in the audience will be more into Channing Tatum than you.

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Being a singular person is about being you, in all situations, so get out there and be your own party.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Distracted Driving NTIMM IKR

It’s not Distracted Driving, it’s Deliberately Not Paying Attention Driving.

Choosing to use your cell phone to talk or text, choosing to eat, do your make-up, drink, smoke, read, talk, shave, sing, have sex, read your GPS, watch TV…whatever. All choices. Distracted driving implies your attention was taken away. Not true. Those acts were deliberate.

Whatever you text while driving is worth killing a child? Then you wouldn’t be upset if someone killed a loved one of yours, right? Ignorance and stupidity have consequences. Image
Tell me something like: @*$ 2moro G8 is worth killing someone. How about NTIMM IKR? Text away, just not while driving. THX.

Fines aren’t harsh enough. If caught texting or talking on your cell, eating, or anything else that takes your attention away from driving, you should have your license suspended, 6 months for the first time, then a year, then permanently.

People say they don’t want the government to make more laws, but if they keep messing up, that’s exactly what happens. Then we pay more taxes for: police, EMTs, doctors, nurses, firefighters, therapy, etc. to try to put the pieces back together from the ‘accidents’ (again, not really accidents, choices). YW. AFC.Image