Posted in Cats, Chocolate, Christmas, Family, Movies, Star Wars, Uncategorized

These Aren’t The Gifts You’re Looking For

Posted on by D. Parker

1christmas191Twas the week before Christmas
(almost two till my birthday)…

When all through the blogosphere…
not a blogger was stirring…
ok, some are stirring, but mostly cocktails…

Yet posts were still flying out with hopes that readers might give them a shout!

Christmas isn’t the most wonderful time of the year for bloggers, readers and many bloggers are off prepping for the big day, partying, waiting in line for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and of course, searching for perfect gifts.

1christmas162

Here are some, er, helpful last-minute gift ideas for those hard to buy for folks:

1. O Christmas tree! As a cautionary note, unlike in the movies, apparently it’s ‘frowned upon’, some might even say illegal, to just randomly cut trees down. Who knew?

1christmas166

2. Draw happy faces on all their socks/nylons so they’ll feel happy as they start each day. Or sneak into their house or room and draw a happy face on their wall, or mirror in red lipstick or paint. Wait, is that creepy? Nah, it’ll be a fun surprise.

1christmas165

3. Fix something for them: TV, car, fridge, cellphone, alarm system, computer, appliances, sewing machine, etc. Even if none were broken (but might be after), it’s the thought that counts.

1christmas167

4. Donate to a cause in their name or better yet, start a foundation in their name, I’m sure it won’t affect their taxes…much.

1christmas97

5. Sing them a song, but only if your voice doesn’t resemble fingernails on a chalkboard, mastodons dying in a tar pit, Bridget Jones singing, or my Mom singing (love you, please don’t sing).

1christmas170
6. Indie books. Mass-produced can be good, but a steady diet can leave you feeling flat. Best thing about indie, less cookie cutter, same goes for everything. Like indie author/blogger, A.H. Browne who kindly beamed aliens into my email. As they scurried around my brain, I 1christmas177was laughingly sucked into space to cavort (hey, I can cavort with the best of them) through the Saloon at the Edge of Everywhere. That sounds familiar, did I spend time there in my youth, next to CBGB, right? Book One of The Otherwhere Chronicles made me reluctant to return to Earth, like when you’re at a party, it’s past time to go home, but you think, just a few minutes more. If you’re feeling brave and in need of some fun, visit Arthur at http://pouringmyartout.com/ – don’t say I didn’t warn you! Any indie authors reading this, please add links in the comment box below where your work can be found (heck, it’s Christmas, anyone add links).

And here’s more indie talent (and keep checking the comments for indie author links):
https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/10/03/sweet-dreams-are-made-of-this/
https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/10/09/you-may-say-im-a-dreamer/

7. Taco ties, socks, and hats. Also available in: lasagna, kung pao, pizza, chocolate, wine, beer, hamburger, and curry flavours. Hungry? Bored? Clothes never tasted so good!

1christmas173

8. Make a sculpture, coat, hat, scarf, or quilt out of your hair and nail clippings – natural, organic, and very, very personal.

1christmas33

9. Lint kittens and puppies. Easy to keep – no walks, no food, soft and cuddly, and simple to house train. Do not expose to water.

christmas77

10. Honesty – they may not appreciate it at first, but it might be the best gift ever, someday.

1christmas163

So, these aren’t the gifts you’re looking for (except the indie books), in the end, the best gift of all is still…you!

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

All the best in 2016!

1christmas164

Author:

Very me

251 thoughts on “These Aren’t The Gifts You’re Looking For”

    1. Thank you kindly, I don’t think anything will top that birthday, I think, don’t actually remember much of it, but I didn’t have to get bailed out, I think. 😉
      Happy Holidays and all the best for 2016! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Thank you kindly…I didn’t mention the number, but hey if the amount of candles on my birthday cake brings a few firemen to the house, it’s all good. 😉
      What, #8 is all organic… 😉
      Happy Holidays and all the best for 2016! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  8. I’m going for the happy face in red paint on the wall. If the lucky recipient suffers recurring nightmares of “Red John” out of “The Mentalist”, they’re sure to love this thoughtful gesture!

    Like

    Reply

  12. Merry Christmas AND Happy Birthday, Donna. Ouch. I bet that’s a statement that made you flinch when you were a kid and one gift was attached to it. As I was born roughly two weeks before Christmas, I experience some folks putting the two together. Now I realize it was the spirit that counted after all. 😉

    Like

    Reply

    1. Thank you kindly! 🙂
      Hey, did I miss your birthday somehow? If so, sorry, Happy Birthday!!! If not, sorry I forgot that I remembered to wish you a Happy Birthday! Either way, hope you had a birthday as wonderful as you! 🙂
      My birthday is squashed between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, no one ever remembers, but one year Alice Cooper came and played on my birthday – it was magnificent, even when we walked out to an ice storm afterwards. 🙂
      Merry Christmas to you and yours and all the best for 2016!!!

      Like

      Reply

  13. Wise gifting advice, Donna! 😀 Thank you for the Sweet Dreams shout-out. I still have your review plastered across my office wall. Every time someone asks what it is, I get to tell them about your wonderful blog. Mega holiday hugs!

    Like

    Reply

    1. Haha, it’s the thought that counts, right? 😉
      You’re very welcome, no indie authors have posted any links to where folks can buy their work, hopefully more pop over as the day goes on. 🙂
      I love that you have my review across your office wall and spreading my blog, I guess you’re right, not as obscure as I thought I was… 😉
      Megaholidaychocolatekisseshugs 🙂

      Like

      Reply

    1. Thank you kindly. 🙂
      Mary, please feel free to leave a link to your work and I’m working on your review, but life and I are having a few disagreements right now. lol 😉
      Thank you, I hope the same for you, er, legally, of course. 😉
      Happy Holidays to you and yours and all the best for 2016! 🙂

      Like

      Reply

    1. That’s so kind of you to say, Erika, I’m glad, I know everyone is super busy with Christmas but I just wanted to pop some fun into all the bustle. 🙂
      Happy Holidays to you and yours and all the best for 2016! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. You definitely reached the goal! I love your ironic view on things. You are right, I too was barely visiting posts today. But the more I am glad I came about yours! Much love and thank you always for your wonderful posts and the effort and joy you put into them! 💖

        Like

  18. Number 4 only works if it is a cause or charity nobody has heard of or you know they don’t support.

    I say give generously to the Pigpool Fund this year.

    😀

    Like

    Reply

  23. Happy Holidays to you too! And I love the Charlie Brown Christmas tree gif. That’s what I call our old crappy Kmart tree – when you dress it up, it still looks fantastic 🙂

    Also, I think indie books are a great gift too 🙂

    Like

    Reply

    1. Thank you kindly, Sally, for the lovely reblog. 🙂
      Hope this list is, er, helpful, er, well, the indie books part is… 😉
      Hope indie authors stop by and leave their links so folks can find their works. 🙂
      Happy Holidays to you and yours and all the best in 2016! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Thank you kindly, hope they help for any last-minute gift ideas… lol 😉
      Charlie Brown and the gang will always hold a special place in my heart too. 🙂
      Merry Christmas to you and yours and all the best for 2016! 🙂

      Like

      Reply

    1. Barbara, I cannot say thank you enough for how warm and fuzzy this made me feel. Big hugs. I’m so glad we found each other in this giant virtual haystack. 🙂
      Happy Holidays and all the best in 2016 – may each day just get better and better! 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  36. Ha Ha Thank you for making me smile I needed that and I am sure I could find someone who would have a use for at least one of your present ideas..lol…..now I’m being wicked..ha ha..Have a great xmas 😉

    Like

    Reply

  38. I needed a perfect featured post on social and media news and your is the one.
    We’ll what can l say about your #Donnamazing post other than your writing gets better if that is possible and your incredible way to take people into another world of wonderment is truly fantastic – You remind me of people who wrote Willy Wonka’s 🍫factory and Alice in Wonderland you are truly #Christmas 🎉🎁🎄🌟

    Like

    Reply

    1. Oh Ian, thank you so much, not only for this lovely feature, what a delightful early Christmas gift, but for your kind and inspiring words as well. 🙂 Big holiday hugs. 🙂
      Happy Christmas and all the best for 2016 – I hope each and every day gets better and better for you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  39. Great ideas for unusual Christmas gifts, Donna.

    Looks like we also share a Birthday (as well as a love for blogging). I’ll be celebrating in two weeks time as well. Christmas, New Year, Birthday…they all come at once for us Capricorns. 🎅

    Merry Christmas.🎄

    Like

    Reply

    1. Hope the gift ideas were, um, helpful? Well, the indie books one at least was awesome. 🙂
      Happy Holidays to you and yours, Happy Birthday to you as well, and all the best in 2016! 🙂
      Yes, they do, don’t they, all at once, but that’s ok, we Capricorns can handle it. 😉
      Merry Christmas! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  40. Hi, Donna

    Merry Christmas and Happy birthday (many more to come).

    You are right they are not the gifts that I am looking for because I never think of that. However, i don’t mind to get one of them. Your post is one of the funniest Christmas posts in the blogging sphere. I laughed so hard for quite awhile after I read the post.

    This is my first visit; looking forward for your next post.

    Will share!

    Stella Chiu

    Like

    Reply

    1. Thank you kindly, Stella, so happy we found each other! 🙂
      I’m glad I could make you laugh and I hope your gifts are the ones you’re looking for… 😉
      Thanks for sharing!!! 🙂
      Happy Holidays to you and yours and all the best in 2016 – looking forward to virtually visiting often! 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  44. Darling Donna, Fellow Crappycorn, I love you. You should license yourself as medicinal because I feel so much better after reading your latest piece. I wish the laughing hadn’t made me cough so much, I don’t know how to get that lung back in. Pushing with a pencil didn’t work. FYO don’t use the pointy en, it sounds like a bellows now. More than it already did I mean.
    I may have to go back to bed and read.I just wanted you to know that I I die , it was smiling.
    Have a wonderful, beautiful Christmas
    xxx Gigantic Hugs xxx

    Like

    Reply

    1. Dear David, fellow Capri, love you too and hope you’re starting to feel better, but the whole lung popping out would imply that you aren’t feeling as well as one would hope.
      No no, in fact, I think using a pencil at all is a bad idea, how about a cushion? 🙂
      It’s terrible to feel so poorly and especially in the holiday season you love so much. Hope you’re feeling much much much better very very soon. How is Roobs doing, is he feeling any better? We don’t want you both sick for Christmas.
      Go back to bed, get some rest, and don’t die, even smiling, please, please, please. 🙂
      Merry (feeling better I hope) Christmas and all the best for 2016!
      Massive sending healthy vibes your way hugs xoxoxox

      Like

      Reply

  45. My mother in law and I (and my sister in law, too) all have birthdays around Christmas. We had a joint birthday party last Saturday and it was fun. Glad to meet someone else in that category. Happy forthcoming birthday, and may you not get too many lint animals.

    Like

    Reply

    1. There are a surprising number of us around the holidays babies. I hope you all have lovely birthdays this year and goes without saying, I hope you get almost none of these gifts on the list for Christmas or your birthdays, well, except the indie books. 😉
      Thank you kindly and if I do get lint animals I’ll be careful of them around water. 😉
      Happy Holidays, Alana and all the best for 2016! 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  47. Pingback: These Aren’t The Gifts You’re Looking For « Marcey's Table

    1. Wow, thank you so much for sharing my, er, um, for lack of a better word, gift ideas… lol 😉
      At least the indie books idea was awesome, the rest, well, best of luck, especially for those who receive! 😉
      Happy Holidays, thank you again and all the best in 2016! 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  49. Hilarious as always. I think ‘Indie books’ are the best gift anyone could give, lol, not being biased or anything. 🙂 Happy holidays to you and yours Donna.

    Like

    Reply

      1. Hi Donna. That was so kind of you to invite me back to leave my book links. Although I’m not here to take up your real estate with my books, I will add that two of them will be on sale, Words We Carry will be on kindle countdown starting at .99 cents Wed. Dec. 23rd http://www.amazon.com/dp/b00oqjge42 and Conflicted Hearts will be FREE starting Thurs. Dec. 24th until the 28th. http://www.smarturl.it/bookconflictedhearts

        Thank you kindly for inviting me to share some of my books here. Here’s to hoping you have lots of joy and presents, lol, at this festive holiday season. ❤ Happy 2016, it was lovely connecting with you this year! 🙂

        Like

      2. Love having the company of indie authors, here, there and everywhere! 🙂
        Thanks for leaving your links…and ebooks make great last minute gifts – no mailing! 🙂
        Merry Christmas, Debby, so glad we found each other and all the best for 2016! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Likewise Donna. It was lovely to connect with you. It’s always a treat coming to your page! Hoping your holidays are fun, fabulous and festive! 🙂

        Like

    1. Ça va? Glad you could pop by and always pleased to provide the laughs. 😉 Pas souci, I’m not just randomly breaking into French, I enjoyed your post, can you tell? 😉
      Joyeux Noël and all the best in 2016, Caroline! 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  52. I’m glad Harrison Ford is back; I missed him.

    Because you said we could, these are links to two of my books:
    Regency Spies #1: http://www.amazon.com/Heart-That-Lies-Regency-Spies-ebook/dp/B00LYI74BK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449867804&sr=8-1&keywords=april+munday

    Regency Spies #2: http://www.amazon.com/Heart-That-Hides-Regency-Spies-ebook/dp/B017MW4N5Q/ref=pd_sim_351_1?ie=UTF8&dpID=513RzLHf7AL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_UX300_PJku-sticker-v3%2CTopRight%2C0%2C-44_AC_UL160_SR100%2C160_&refRID=18CD5E94RJTVVNVXZW1G

    Like

    Reply

  53. Ha…. that was hilarious… you are so right s to Honesty ..they may not appreciate it at first, but it might be the best gift ever, someday…. so to start let´s admit we all want a gift, and that´s the first step… IKR
    A foundation in their name sounds good but one in my name sounds even better…
    Thanks for the giggles and for being such a special blogger, Donna.
    Merry Christmas. Love and all my best wishes to you. Aquileana 🎄

    Like

    Reply

    1. Thank you kindly, Aquileana and for sharing this as well. Honesty is a gift beyond compare, even if it’s not always appreciated at the time. 🙂
      Glad I could give you a giggle. 🙂
      Merry Christmas to you and yours and all the best in 2016!!! 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  58. Love, LOVE the idea of Indie books! I never would have thought of it. Fab suggestion!

    Also, I almost did a snort-laugh at your suggestion to fix something for someone, even if not broken – but it might be afterwards. When I was a kid, my brother always wanted to take things apart and was fully confident he could put them back together in working order. There were endless things he would dismantle, then Uh Oh… Great memories!

    Happy Holidays to you and yours!

    Like

    Reply

  69. You aren’t coming up in my email or my reader, so I have to search for you! I hopy you had a fabulous holiday. I watched “A Christmas Story” twice right in a row Wed. night. Love that story and this one! Best wishes for a wonderful and inspiring new year!

    Like

    Reply

    1. I haven’t published in awhile – life being life again so I won’t pop up for a bit – but so glad you found me again. 🙂
      Love ‘A Christmas Story’. 🙂
      Best wishes for the holiday season and hope you have a wonder-filled 2016! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  71. Happy Christmas New year and birthday 🎶🎄🎊🎉🎁😇 All my gifts were unexpected and smashing. How do you do, I found you through reblogging christmas meet and greet. I look forward to spending some time here and getting to know you. 😇

    Like

    Reply

    1. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! 🙂
      Glad to hear that and so glad you popped over, was it from Danny’s, he is amazing, so generous to other bloggers, letting us lay about on his blogsofa like that. 😉
      Glad we found each other in this giant virtual haystack and look forward to visiting often. 🙂
      Happy Holidays and all the best for 2016! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  75. Vastly entertaining!
    That saloon reminds me of a restaurant I came across at the end of somewhere …
    Honesty, honestly? Rather dangerous. People will suspect one of having a serious defect.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to D. Parker Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.