Day: April 1, 2015

Shocking news!  Reports are pouring in from around the world of senior citizens leaving their homes and care facilities to join terrorism groups.

Over 145,000 aging Baby Boomers, fed up with living in poverty and feeling like they’re a burden on their families have left for war-torn countries in the Middle East.

“I spoke to a nice young man at ISAS, he reminded me a lot of my grandson,” a senior, calling herself ‘Hilda’ told Senior Today News. “Next thing I know, I was up to my support hose in sand, cooking over an empty steel fuel can, darning socks, and knitting flags,” she said, smiling. “Mind you, the air raids interrupt my programs and the cries of ‘Death to America’ disturb my sleep, but at least here I feel needed.”

Authorities are bewildered and at a loss of what to do to stop the radicalization of seniors.

“We didn’t even think of seniors being radicalized,” a top aide to Obama told this reporter. “They weren’t even on our radar and now they’re using walkers as weapons in this bloody conflict.”

Young people, upon learning that over half of the new recruits were their grandparents and great-grandparents have decided it’s no longer cool to be radicalized.

“When I went online and saw that my Gram had joined the same terrorist caliphate as I was joining, well, it was Facebook all over again,” Caleb Smith explained as he unpacked his knapsack. “How can I commit acts of merciless violence with my Gram watching?”

The only upside? Decreased burden on pension plans, as well as reduced wait times for healthcare and spaces open up in care facilities.

Although experts see no end in sight to this bizarre recruitment of the elderly, sources tell us that the terrorists seem to be tiring of being asked the same questions over and over again…and watching Wheel of Fortune.

Happy April Fool’s Day!