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You Can’t Handle The Blogging Truth!

Posted on by D. Parker

1halloween40October conjures images of:
Fall leaves, crisp nights… pumpkins and pumpkin spice…Halloween, candy, black cats…sexy Hunger Games costumes, yeah, I’ve stopped asking why at this point…

Apparently, scary is definitely different for different people.

For some scary is:
The dark – where all the known and unknown creep.
Horror movies that make people hide their eyes, but have to peak.
The price of groceries or hydro (both terrifying).
Trying on bathing suits (could turn your hair white).
Dating, parenting, love…
Loss of those we love.
Christmas or any holidays with in-laws.
Elections, wars, politicians.
Loss of cellphone reception (The horror! The horror!).
Running out of chocolate (now that’s horror!).
Liars, vampires, aliens, monsters, sparkly vampires, zombies…

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I started blogging to relax, reignite my love of writing, and to be rich/famous (not necessarily in that order) – 555 posts later, well, two out of three ain’t bad. No one warned it could be so scary!

Life doesn’t come with instructions, we have to grope our way through this at times terrifying funhouse – long strips of goodness, gooey badness, melty magnificence, and squishy horrors – blogging is pretty much the same.

1halloween26It was  a dark and stormy night…Start a blog they said. It’ll be fun they said.

1. You want the blog truth, you can’t handle the blog truth! By the flickering computer light and hum, something wicked this way comes…really, Shakespeare how would thou deal with: endless emails, trolls, glitches, and ghosts in the machine?

2. First, you find your way through the woods (aka the internet) to an old mansion (aka WordPress) where you start your blog. Soon, strange things start happening – stuff moves by itself, stuff disappears, and you find yourself alone, in the dark, and still, you hear the click, click, click of the keyboard…

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3. Come up with a cunning plan, overly elaborate with, as a random example, a dog with a speech impediment; a drug-addled vegetarian with a groovy van; narcissistic metrosexual; frumpy geek girl who needs contacts; and constantly kidnapped drama queen.

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4. Your loved ones look at you oddly as you repeatedly type: All work and no play makes Donna a dull girl…They complain you’re hunched over your shining computer, or using them for…inspiration.

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5. Read aloud from online posts, only to realize, you’ve freed some ancient vengeful Babylonian deity…or worse, a telemarketer! Who you gonna call?

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6. Invited to Bloggers Bash at a spooky mansion, you accept, bloggers are fun, right?

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7. Pop over to Pinterest for a ‘minute’ to find an image or inspiration…later you’re found wandering through the desert and learn you’ve been missing for 7 years and still didn’t find the right meme.

8. Fall asleep at your computer and wake up in a dream where a serial killer is hunting you, or worse, you’ve lost all your followers!

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9. You decide to take a break from writing and take a bath or shower, you know better, but it’s been a long day.

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10. You ask for books to review, but then …One, two, writers are coming for you. Three, four, publishers knock at your door. Five, six, who do you pick? Seven, eight, accept your fate. Nine, ten, never sleep again.

11. You turn to run from the glowing ooze on your keyboard, but there’s a evil clown or worse, housework behind you…your furniture is moving on it’s own, but it’s not getting dusted…Why? Oh why?

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12. Through a series of unfortunate events, you find out your blog is built on an old cemetery and an ancient burial ground where rituals were performed. You could run to another platform, but that’s a lot of work.

13. So I will think of blogging not as a horror movie, but more like a community garden. We all work together to grow something remarkable. There will be ups and downs, but in the end, we’ll all be part of something amazing…as long as nothing comes alive to eat us.

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257 thoughts on “You Can’t Handle The Blogging Truth!”

  4. The most scary? Realising what you’ve just posted instead of saved makes you look like an incontinent loon with a dodgy back story, an unhealthy obsession with Kathleen Turner and not enough magnesium in your diet. Plus you can’t spell sympathee for toffy and you’re grammar suck’s. And your wife is the only person who comments and she just wants to know why you put the car keys in the freezer. Again.

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    1. That’s an oddly specific example, but just a completely random oddly specific example, right? Again. 😉
      And what really constitutes an ‘unhealthy’ obsession with Kathleen Turner? 😉
      Hope this day treats you way better than that scary example of blogging horrors!!! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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  6. Oh… thank goodness. I was so caught up in the story you told (so real and so much my own), that I had trouble making the transition to the “community garden” idea. But then you subtly reminded me of Little Shop of Horrors and i felt normal again. 😀
    Donna, I don’t know how you do it. Magnificent! Oh, and loved the picture of the Scoobies — their expression was perfect for what you had just said! 😀 Mega hugs!

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    1. Teagan, glad you got caught up in the story and now I’m going to songs from ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ in my head…so ‘Grow For Me’, ‘Feed me (Git It)’, and sigh, ‘Dentist’ it is. 😉
      Just wanted to remind everyone blogging is supposed to be fun, not scary despite the fact that it is scary sometimes. 🙂
      Hope this day and the weekend treat you kindly, Teagan, hope the writing is going well…I’m almost done rereading your glorious ‘Atonement, Tennessee’ again so no pressure, but, um, sequel? 😉
      Megahugs and all the best, dear one. 🙂

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    1. Thank you kindly, I’m so glad you stopped by, you’re welcome anytime. Best part, I popped over to you blog – you had me at cream cheese icing, but then I went on to read more (while still thinking of cream cheese icing, of course) and there’s a lot of great information and fun. Now go and write, I don’t want anyone to miss out on any opportunities. 😉 Hope this weekend treats you well. 🙂

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  9. Pingback: Yadadarcyyada: You Can’t Handle The Blogging Truth! | The Linden Chronicles: The Wolf's Moon/The River

  11. LOL! Yeah, um, pretty spot on! Like get-out-of-my-head accurate! I’ve been taking some time to decide, okay, I’ve been taking months and months to decide my goals and direction, but I keep coming back, so it’s still enough good to outweigh the creepy!
    Love this one – have a great day Donna!

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  13. You know, I have noticed a few blogs I like and follow sudden;y disappear. Maybe they weren’t familiar with these truths…

    Any thoughts on how you got your blog to go so big (8000+ followers) and DIDN’T want to quit like they did?

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  14. Pingback: You Can’t Handle The Blogging Truth! | Love, Laughter, and Life

  15. OMG…I’m sticking with Feelin fine. Maybe I’ll plant myself in the Community Garden. But, I’m staying outa the scary basement. Geez, Donna! How to put this blogging stuff in a scary perspective. 👻 Loved it! Chryssa

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  16. Haha, You are so amazing! This post is just awesome!!! I looooove your humor and skills how you convey that all. I was bursting when reading about Pinterest… haha! Whatever I read from you was fantastic!
    Oh, and your scary list is amazing. Most of all that one: “Christmas or any holidays with in-laws.”

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    1. Thank you so much, Erika…I hope I didn’t scare off any new bloggers, but I thought, it’s Friday, people needed some fun, and to remember, blogging is supposed to be fun.
      Hope this day is treating you well so far and have a great weekend. 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

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      2. I hope it and thank you so much, I guess this is the part I was trying to get to (eventually), the community garden we’re all adding to, thank goodness you’re a part of it, Erika. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Awh, that was so nice, thank you bunches 🙂 I am happy too that I may be a part of this wonderful community! As you say it so well: a garden! And we all are gardener. Big hugs to you 💖

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    1. Thank you so much for the reblog and for sharing my blogging ‘horror’ story. 🙂
      So pleased people liked it and hearing it made them laugh and smile made my day. 🙂
      Hope this weekend treats you kindly. 🙂

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  18. My friends and I decided, back in the day, to have a practical joke contest. The winner was the person who could make the most people either run away screaming and/or vomit. I won. I think I did posts about it. Also, I am now banned for life from doing practical jokes… sigh…

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      26. But, I mean, I did it with style and cleverness… unless you aren’t talking about the practical jokes, but rather making a snide comment on the fact that I shamelessly go to other people’s blogs and use their comment section to try to lure people to my blog… because I am totally one of those people… HA!

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      27. I’m sure you did and I wasn’t, but now that you mention it…It’s ok, you’re luring us for non-creepy reasons (mostly), although wait, there was that post about thinking of princesses in the shower. 😉

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  28. I always have so much fun reading your posts, Donna, and most of the time–this should be frightening for you–I feel like we’re on a similar wavelength, so I get most of your cultural and musical references. 🙂 Anyway, it’s probably better to be overwhelmed in the blogosphere than underwhelmed. So, anyhow, enjoy your weekend (hope you had a great Thanksgiving recently). Don’t know about your location farther north, but fall is finally in full swing here in middle USA.

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    1. I don’t find it frightening at all, I love that we’re on the same wavelength (I don’t know about you, but some days it’s a bit wavier than others). 🙂
      Yes, I’d rather be here and a little spooked. 🙂
      I’m actually pretty much in the States I’m so South where I live, except it’s still Canada (map humour). Yup, Fall is knocking at our door and gasp, the weatherman said the ‘s’ word today (snow), but I hope he’s wrong…even if he isn’t, it will be short-lived this early. 🙂
      Hope this weekend treats you kindly, Leigh and see you on the next wave. 😉

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  30. Reblogged this on ' Ace Social & Media News ' and commented:
    The reason why people blog as l have found out in the last 7 Years going from blogger to WordPress is a number of reasons, boredom, illness or wanting to share.
    Mine was all three needing to do something while my mother was ill and drying and wanting to share my knowledge with other people – who are now my fellow bloggers and like you my friend/friends.
    You posts are story and l know more about you by what you write, what l read and what l now understand than ever before.
    Thanks for sharing you have a nice weekend and may your life be filled with all the good things 🌟🎂🍷👸🌹and of course not forgetting 🍫
    Like this post is #Donnamazing as always. Ian X with ❤️

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    1. Thank you, Ian, not only for the reblog, but for sharing yourself and being part of this community blogging garden. You’re right, the reasons are all different, but in the end the reasons we stay are probably more similar, for each other. 🙂
      While I’m sorry for the troubles that may have brought you here, I’m glad you’re here. 🙂
      Take care and hope this weekend is treating you kindly. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. Just call me Doctor Donna (oh and that makes me think of Doctor Who and reminds me I have to go catch up, but I digress…), so very glad my laughter prescription is doing it’s work. 🙂
      Hope this weekend treats you kindly. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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    1. I thought everyone could use some laughter on this Friday (rainy Friday here and they said the ‘s’ word, snow, gasp). 😉
      Hope this weekend treats you kindly, Tess, all the best, always. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  35. Many on your list are my worst nightmares, D. I loved the beginning photo clip of the Addams family Mortician snd hubby Aldo Scooby-Doo cartoon. Mystery and fun go together except when you fall asleep at your computer and a real scary episode begins to haunt you, D. Shriek!!

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  40. Your blog is hilarious Donna, with a whole lotta clever! I too get very frightened by my hydro bill and the price of groceries. Canada is becoming an expensive place to live! 🙂

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  45. Pingback: October 17 #LinkYourLife Roundup | On The Verge
  46. Pingback: October 17 #LinkYourLife Roundup | The Honeyed Quill

    1. I can’t tell you how thrilled I was when I read this and then reread it (too tired, apparently my reading comprehension is lowered or I was just too excited). 🙂 Thank you so much. 🙂

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    1. I’m always happy to hear I can make people laugh, Marcey, thanks for dropping by, you’re welcome anytime, especially if you say had pumpkin muffins or black beans brownies with you (hint hint). 😉

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  48. Pingback: You Can’t Handle The Blogging Truth! « Marcey's Table

    1. So glad you and Jim liked this, Marcey…I hope I didn’t scare away any new bloggers. 😉
      And I’ve been on your blog wandering around, drooling at the recipes; having a streusel pumpkin muffin craving now…I don’t think my pumpkins are going to make it through the night! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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  51. Outstanding post and glad you included Charlie Brown!! The shower skeleton GIF is hilarious!
    Have you seen the Simpson’s halloween episode where Homer recites the Edgar Allen Poe “The Raven” It is brilliant.

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    1. Thanks…there’s always room for Charlie Brown. 😉
      I am proudly and sheepishly admit I’ve seen most of The Simpsons episodes and all Treehouse of Horror, um, more than once…as a Poe fan I was thrilled. 🙂

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  52. I don’t think WordPress will be along to eat us, I get the feeling we’ve already been spat out by them. But this is a scary world populated by phantom hackers and spiteful spammers, people who want to criticise and argue instead of accepting views differ.
    Don’t get scared though Donna,there are plenty of us to hold your hand though in fairness since some of us may be reluctant to let go, that could be scary too.
    xxx Sending Humongous Hugs xxx

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    1. Oh David, the best question is why are we staying in this spooky mansion? I guess we’re choosing to ignore the weird goings-on and creaks and groans…for now. 😉
      Thank you, glad to hold hands with you…there’s some creepy stuff out there. 🙂
      Hope this week is treating you well so far and hope you enjoy your break, you certainly deserve it. 🙂
      Wishing Reuben a wonderful Halloween! 🙂
      Take care and massive hugs. 🙂

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    1. I’m so glad you liked it. 🙂
      Oh, you popped over from Elena’s lovely blog, isn’t she amazing?
      I love Halloween and Fall too and I’m so glad we found each other – thanks again Elena!!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  58. I just love how you put it all..:) and with such humour. Thank you. My thoughts of blogging is the ‘scary’ like caring for a baby. At this time when I read your post, I thought of the baby duckling we adopted which we can’t leave alone because it cries and tries to follow – literally and in our thoughts, you have to attend to it and feed it and check it. I hope that makes sense…LOL

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    1. It makes perfect sense, it’s a great description of a blog actually and it certainly needs a lot more care and feeding and love than I imagined, but I think I’m more imprinted on it than it on me (if that makes sense). 😉
      Hope this day is just ducky. 😉

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  61. Superb post! Your exaggerations (or truths!) are so funny ! I love the way you’ve constructed it with such appropriate illustrations. You’ve made me think a lot about what actually goes into ‘blogging’ and your final summary (13) is perfect. 😀

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  62. Pingback: Picks Of The Week #43 | A Momma's View

    1. Yes, where has this week gone, it just zoomed by. I hope the same doesn’t happen to the weekend. 🙂
      Thank you kindly for including me in your wonderful list, it’s a double treat, I get to be on and find other blogs at the same time – bonus! 🙂
      Hope this weekend is filled with wonder. 🙂

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  64. This was hilarious! And I’d have to re-think my childhood with that Scooby Doo description. I always find Peanuts to be, somehow, the unofficial mascot for blogging. I often use them for my posts, and the strips make everything better when you are feeling low.

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      1. Thank you! I will. I just love your blog name. I recently fell in love with Matthew Macfadyen’s Darcy, when I didn’t really get what he tried to do with it in the last ten years. At least Elizabeth Bennet was sooner in seeing it!

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      3. I’ve had a total change from my “first impressions”. I used to be such a purist, I hated the whole idea of that scene in the rain! I’ve always adored MM in other things, but never this. I still feel he isn’t the Darcy of the book (and he said he never read the book), but what he made of the character is simply breath-taking. I feel Austen would have re-written Darcy if she saw it.
        I haven’t seen all the versions. My favourite “Darcy” is actually Richard Armitage’s Thornton from North and South. That story is like an industrial Pride and Prejudice anyway, and Armitage was divine in it!

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  66. I love your post and your writing style but I have to admit that all of the moving pictures are a little distracting. Of course I am ADD so focus is not my strength. Still, they want stop me from coming back. 🙂
    Tony R

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  67. “Pop over to Pinterest for a ‘minute’ to find an image or inspiration…later you’re found wandering through the desert and learn you’ve been missing for 7 years and still didn’t find the right meme.”

    Are you peeping through my web cam at me? ha ha ha! Absolutely brilliant post! Sharing EVERYWHERE! Thanks for partying with us on #FridayFrivolity

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    1. So many of us have obviously had that same experience, Audrey, time has no meaning on Pinterest! lol 😉
      Thanks so much for sharing, I just love #FridayFrivolity so much fun, hope more and more people find it. 🙂
      Hope you have a wonderful week and if we don’t see you at the next #FridayFrivolity we’ll know you went on Pinterest, maybe they should set up an SOS signal we can press! 😉

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      2. Wow, thank you so much, Audrey, I’m so thrilled and honoured. Can’t wait! Love #FridayFrivolity and excited to be part of it and featured too! 🙂
        Hope you have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

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  68. Pingback: Family Friendly TMNT Memes plus Friday Frivolity - Munofore

    1. That’s for the lovely shout-out!!! Visiting here always makes me smile! My son loved TMNTs (and pizza) when he was young and lucky for me I liked them both too! Booyakasha, this post was totally radical! Thanks again for the feature and for all your wonderful ladies do each week here at #FridayFrivolity – making us giggle and connecting bloggers in this giant virtual haystack. Hope you have an awesome weekend. Cowabunga!!!

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  70. Hi Donna,
    That face of Jack Nicholson is still classic though he made the Shining years ago. Thanks for reminding us.
    Great to see you! Thanks for coming to the Blogger’s Pit Stop Linky Party last week.
    Janice, Pit Stop Crew.

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