Posted in Family, Uncategorized

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

Posted on by D. Parker

1age16

The worst part
 about growing old,
surprisingly,
isn’t:
Wrinkles – although watching your face
become a road map to your final destination isn’t pleasant;
Creaking joints/aches and pains –
maybe shouldn’t have done that.
Learning more than you ever wanted
to learn about some people – sigh.
Losing your nouns, keys, and even memories –
although, frustrating.
The worst part is loss.
Some experience loss early and often through life,1funny65
others face the inevitable and unenviable state of loss
through time.

After losing someone you start thinking about your life
and like most people, I have some regrets.

I regret not seeing a friend was really an enemy
And an enemy was really a friend
I regret harsh words spoken
Cuts that will never mend
I regret not doing what I wanted to do
And doing what I did not want
I regret not being stronger
For being frail when I should have fought
I regret worrying about little things
That only mattered in my head
I regret thinking I knew it all
Using sarcasm to cover pain
I regret turning away from love found
Not recognizing love given
Doing too much
Doing too little
But these are backwards
And do not overwhelm
The smiles I was given
The smiles I received
The love that I treasure
Compassion given
And accepted
Hope lost and recovered
Happiness collected
All invaluable1age14

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36 thoughts on “Coulda Woulda Shoulda”

  1. Donna this is lovely and so true. But I have to tell you, I was nodding along, agreeing in all sincerity when me eyes alighted on the dog pic, read it and burst out laughing! Poor, poor creatures, what if they never find out?! I’ll never be able to say that to my dog again without thinking of this and saying, ‘I’ll tell you one day!’

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      1. That just cracked me up and made my day that you made them! And, this is awful, but I’m so glad they didn’t work for you either!!! hehehehehe, I’m totally okay if I mess up and something fails, but it feels so much better knowing it’s not just me!!

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  4. Donna (sorry, think I’ve been calling you Diana). I can relate to this post…being “old as dirt” I probably have a few more regrets to add. Happy to read some of your “all invaluable” thoughts at he end! Christine

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  7. This registered with me too, especially not seeing a friend was really an enemy
    And an enemy was really a friend.

    The timing of this post is rather interesting. Over the past couple of days I’ve also been thinking a lot about regrets and what it means. Must be a mood in the air 🙂

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  11. When I was younger my ageism was severe. I thought that the worst thing that could happen was growing old…but then it happened and I have never been happier, more confident, less
    neurotic or more compassionate. If I regret anything it was all of the “old” people whose friendship I rejected in my fear and bias against age. The lines in my face tell a story of a man
    who has experienced deep pain and exquisite joy. I hope that everyone has a chance to live long enough to grow past the fear of aging.

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  12. I like how you start with regrets, but end up talking about the wonderful things that you did experience. What you say about not recognizing an enemy was really a friend (kind of how I felt when I realized that making me eat my vegetables was an act of love on my mother’s part.).

    One of my best friends was somebody I initially disliked. We were in a class together at University, and she always seemed to have a strong point of view about everything and no sense of humor. My own tendency was to withhold forming an opinion until I’d explored it from all angles.

    Instead of quietly disliking her, I decided to find out more about her (part of my nature to explore all angles before making a judgement). It turned out she had thoroughly examined the issues about which she felt so strongly. She did have a sense of humor, just not about anything glib or unkind. She became a best friend and mentor. I lost her seven years ago to cancer, but I am so grateful that I decided to get to know her.

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    1. I’m so sorry about your loss, Connie, but you had her in your life because you kept an open mind which is amazing. 🙂
      Thank you so much for dropping by and sharing not only your story, but your insights. Hope this day treats you kindly. 🙂

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      1. Thank you, but I still carry her with me. We got to know each other so well that when I ask, “What would Monika say?” I can hear her reply. In this way, she is still my mentor and friend.

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      2. I know exactly what you mean, my best friend of almost 30 years passed away suddenly just over a month ago, I will carry her in my heart always.
        We were lucky to have such wonderful friends. 🙂

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  13. I don’t have any regrets. I know I always did the best I could and looking back at what I did before doesn’t matter to me because I always had good intent and when I did things, I know I did the right thing. We can look back at things and see them from a different perspective…even breakfast…why didn’t I have toast instead of cereal. Doesn’t get anyone anywhere. Once it’s over it’s over and I don’t care or worry about it. Loss sucks and so does getting older. That’s why I wrote CONVERSATIONS WITH DEATH…revenge keeps me warm at night.

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    1. lol And I always thought revenge was best served cold. 😉
      No, there’s no point in playing the ‘if’ game, there’s nothing anyone can do to change the past, unless we get a TARDIS and go back in time, but then, we could create a time paradox and those rarely turn out well. 🙂

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  14. Pingback: The Weekly Headlines – My Daily Musing

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