Posted in Movies, Televison, Uncategorized, Zombies

Happy Halloween – Is that a knife in my back or are you just happy to see me?

Your day starts off well. It’s Halloween (Happy Halloween!).

Everyone is excited, talking about costumes, candy, going to parties…

But suddenly, you find yourself alone, maybe in the woods, or a cemetery, or another dimension, a hell-spawn universe, basement, attic, abandoned summer camp, alley, decaying amusement park, no matter the location, it’s dark and foggy, silent, scary.

Your plans for picking up pizza before going out to a Halloween party now seem a dream while you’re in a nightmare.

Here are some ways to survive and even thrive what comes next:

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

1.  Do not, I repeat, do not go to “check things out”, you’re better off not knowing.

2.  Don’t call out things like, “Is anyone there?” or “Who’s there?”. You won’t like the answers.

3.  Find a good hiding place. Don’t make a lot of noise – don’t sob loudly or leave your cellphone on (it’s the one time someone will actually  call) and for goodness sake, don’t leave two seconds after the scary goes by. Rest, take stock, and come up with a plan, but not an overly-elaborate Scooby-Doo plan. Shhh!

4.  Don’t depend on someone coming to rescue you, we’ve seen horror movies, there’s a good chance that nice neighbour, helpful police officer, boyfriend, girlfriend, sibling, parent, whoever, is going to get killed trying to help you.

5.  Don’t try to be brave or set traps when confronted by a demon, witch, warlock, ghoul, monster, ghost, alien, vampire, zombie, etc. They’re supernatural, trust, they have the advantage…Run away.

6.  Don’t go all hero and decide you’re going to go and fight the serial killer. He/she is a success story, hence the word, serial in their job title. It usually ends in death, dismemberment, maiming, and/or all of the above.

7.  Don’t let your possessed GPS lead you to places with names like:
Satan’s Kingdom, Transylvania, Bloody Springs, Silent Hill, Helltown, Amityville, Monster, or Bad Axe (really, it’s scary, trust me, I know) and apparently all small towns in New England have an overabundance of spooky and bad things happening in them, go figure.Don’t check into a hotel or motel, even if you’re really tired, don’t have to stay in: The Overlook (all work and no play makes Donna a dull ghoul, all work and no play makes Donna a dull ghoul…), the Bates Motel (you’re clean enough, don’t take a shower), Pinewood Motel, or Motel Hell (the name may be a clue).Stay off streets with names like: Elm Street, Hanging Hill Lane, or Lucifer Dr.Summer camp at Crystal Lake…just no.

8.  If you see a book of spells, a book of the dead, or any literature (even electronic) covered in weird symbols, human flesh, or it’s seeping blood, growling, showing you a gaping abyss to the fiery pits of Hell, I don’t care how bored you are, don’t read it, especially out loud.

9.  If you’re joined by others in this nightmare, stick to them like glue, don’t say things like: “We should separate or “You go and check upstairs and I’ll check the basement”. This is not the time to be independent.

10.  A life that has suddenly become a horror film is not the time for: heart-to-heart chats, true confessions, make-out sessions, sex, ‘working things out’, taking a bath, shower, sleeping, arguing, ‘clearing the air’, drugs, and/or drinking – wait until the bad things are gone.

11.  If loved ones or companions start growling, vomiting pea soup, hissing, head-spinning, have glowing eyes, misshapen features, sudden hairiness, get all pretzelly with their bodies, start climbing on the ceiling or floors, have a sudden fascination with blood – this isn’t the time to practice tolerance and acceptance – run!

12.  Receive a fancy invite to a spooky mansion for a party, inheritance, game, challenge? Don’t go, really, even if it seems cool, or lucrative, skip it (you’ll thank me later and by that I mean you’ll be alive to thank me later).

13.  So you think you’ve triumphed and killed your zombie, monster, serial killer, etc., that’s awesome, pat yourself on the back, just don’t go closer to check if it’s really dead (it isn’t).

14.  I know they’ve told us puzzles are good for our brain, will stop Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc. but that won’t be your worst problem if one of those puzzles opens a portal to Hell, or looses demons upon the world, bringing about the End of Days, etc. Stick to crosswords, Sudoku, Find-A-Word.

15.  It’s nice to be good at something but even if you’re really good, like genius-level good, don’t play with recombinant DNA, especially if you’re really good at it.

16.  Deserted town? Leave. Leave quickly. But first, listen to the old crazy who tells you there’s a curse, or alien invasion, or possession – he’s the last one alive, he knows stuff.

17.  Don’t borrow or steal from the dead. Don’t wake the dead. Don’t try to talk to the dead even if you think they might have helpful information. Don’t even think about the dead. Just concentrate on living.

18.  If your children, pets, parents, co-workers, friends, etc. start speaking to you in Latin, or ancient Babylonian, or some alien language or they try to get you to kick a football, it’s time to run and get help (psst, they’re going to move the football).

19.  Don’t fall asleep (I got this one covered).

20.  Don’t go to the authorities, they’re probably already altered in some way, or they won’t believe you, or you’ll get them killed, maybe all three.

21.  If something or someone is after you, run, cycle, or take a bus. Not only are they more environmentally-friendly, but your car, normally reliable, is now in  horror movie or nightmare scenario, this time it won’t start, or it will take you a really long time to start. That taxi you call? The driver will be possessed or have an alien attached to his face. Uber, sure, but your driver will be a ghost or a deranged lunatic (hard to tell if that’s a horror thing or just, well, you know), or something really, really bad.

22.  On an alien planet, Hellplain (Hellplane?), or Earth, stay away from: giant eggs, pods, glowing things, ooze, goo of any kind, furniture that moves on its own, scary clowns (with or without red balloons), TVs that lead to other worlds, hockey masks, machetes, chain saws, cabins, creatures, etc. Don’t wander around on your own or go looking for someone.

23. Don’t assume you’re the “Final Girl”, or some other horror movie troupe. Assume you’re the one that gets killed in the first 5 minutes and try to change that.

24. Let’s say you’ve read too many erotic paranormal novels (How many is too many? Asking for a friend.), watched too much “Twilight” or “Buffy”or whatever and you think you’re gonna hook up with some sexy vampire, demon, werewolf…Even if your milkshake brings all the ghouls to the yard, then what, you gonna strike a pose, hand on hip, duck lips out and take a selfie while doing your best Mae West impression, “Is that a knife in my back or are you just happy to see me?”.A supernatural romantic rendezvous is only sexy in movies/TV shows/books because you can’t smell the sulfur, dried blood, and pure evil. Take a ‘Calamity Cosmo’ quiz – seductive supernaturals are strictly wham-bam-now-you’re-damned-ma’am.Remember, dating a serial killer is a relationship killer.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

25. You suddenly appear in your home, you think you’re safe, but then you remember, I found out about this place from a flaming note and I only paid with my signature in my blood.

Yup, your house is probably built on an old cemetery, ancient burial ground, where they use to perform rituals or sacrifices, or some other bad stuff, you’re still not safe, cut your losses, or get a really good supernatural real estate agent. And you may or may have sold your soul. Only time will tell. But it’s a great neighbourhood, close to a school, a ghoul, and a swimming pool (full of skeletons).

Most important? Good shoes. No heels, slippery soles, or untied laces. You’ll still fall (tripping over nothing) as you’re being chased, but your odds are better if you have good shoes.

Good luck…and I hope this never happens to you, but if it does, now you know what to do and what not to do!

Happy Halloween 2019!

Posted in Holidays, Movies, Televison, Uncategorized

It’s Friday the 13th, Do You Know Where Your Serial Killer is?

13th3With Friday the 13th and St. Patrick’s Day so close this year, will bad luck rub off or will the luck of the Irish prevail? Maybe a cage match between Jason Voorhees and a Leprechaun and may the best, er, whatever they are, win.

Are you among the millions who believe Friday the 13th is bad luck?

Are you especially careful on this day? Statistically, there are actually fewer accidents and injuries on Friday the 13th, most likely because people are more cautious.

  • Do you have any superstitions?

  • Do you carry a good luck charm or talisman?

  • Believe in signs?

  • Omens?

  • Portents?13th1

  • Do you wear a special outfit for a job interview or date?

  • Have a lucky symbol or charm with you when taking a test?

  • Not shower before the big game?

  • Bring a troll (hopefully just a toy one) with you to bingo?

  • Don’t trust black cats?

  • Never walk under a ladder?

  • Throw salt over your left shoulder if you spill salt?

  • Freak out if you break a mirror?

I can’t think of any of that I believe in, then again, I don’t really believe in luck either. I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong in believing, unless it controls you.13th5

Why is Friday the 13th considered unlucky? Theories abound.

  • The combination of 13 being considered an unlucky number and Friday an unlucky day.

  • Books, movies, urban legends, numerology, deaths, etc. about it.

  • People coping with grief or trauma often try to find something to blame, perhaps superstitions seemed an easy scapegoat.

  • Humans always want an explanation or excuse.

Strange thing is, most countries and cultures don’t actually consider Friday the 13th unlucky…

Dear readers, do you do anything different on Friday the 13th?

I could suggest the new Friday the 13th movie released today,
I think it’s called:

Friday the 13th Part XXXV:
Jason Kills Again at his Seniors Assisted Living Home

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Good luck…we’re all counting on you.

Posted in Holidays, Movies, Parenting, Televison, Uncategorized, Zombies

Welcome to my Nightmare

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Around this time of year people often pose the question: what’s your worst nightmare? For me, something horrible happening to my son, and the rest of my family and friends.

My nightmares, when I actually sleep, are few, but they all start the same, running. Not jogging, all comfy shoes and music, but frantic, desperate, trying-to-get-away-from-something-running. I’m not scared of the running, but of what I’m running from. Maybe that’s why I love to walk, little chance I’m leisurely strolling away from a zombie, vampire, alien, mass murderer, serial killer, etc., right?
Luckily in the nightmares my son is usually running ahead of me; he’s fast, so he makes it.

I know what you’re doing right now…hopefully reading this:

1. The origins of Halloween are ancient and include: sacrifices, celebrating Harvest, fairies, demons, feasts, Druids, Celts, scaring away spirits, appeasing spirits, passion, death, and so much more…and this is for children now, hmmm.

2. In Medieval England hearing an owl’s call meant someone was about to die, well, duh, it was Medieval England, of course someone was about to die.

3. Ireland is believed to be the birthplace of Halloween so why does no one drink green beer on October 31st?

4. Harry Houdini died on Halloween 1926…coincidence?

5. We have carved: beets, turnips, potatoes, and pumpkins for Halloween, weird amount of veggies for a candy holiday.

6. Safety first, sadly, children are twice as likely to be killed in or by a car on Halloween.

7. Some animals shelters have stopped adoptions of black cats near Halloween, because people sacrifice them. What is wrong with…sigh, I have no words.1alice18. Orange symbolizes: Harvest, Fall, and strength. Black implies darkness and death, including the death of summer…I just like wearing it.

9.Witch comes from wicce which means wise woman. I know a lot of witches.

10. Halloween can cause poor behaviour and deindividualization. In costume, together, people care less about consequences of individual actions; doing things they normally wouldn’t do alone.

1alice311. The Michael Myers mask in 1978’s Halloween was actually a William Shatner mask. And now he has a renovation show, William Shatner, not Michael Myers although it’s reality TV so who knows?

12. Some suggestions for definitely too-soon Halloween costumes: Sexy Hazmat suits, zombie Robin Williams, terrorist, Ray Rice dragging a doll…just don’t.

13. Halloween has had many names: All Hallows Evening, All Hallows Eve, Samhain, Witches Night, Lambswool, Haunting Night, Summer’s End, Snap-Apple Night, wait, doesn’t that last one just sound like Snapple Night? Mmmm, Snapple.

And if you inadvertently find yourself in a horror movie this Halloween, here’s some help: https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

Posted in Environment, Movies, Televison, Uncategorized

5 ways to know you’re living in a Godzilla film

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1. People are running and screaming and it’s not because there’s a new iPhone coming out.

2. It seems to be raining concrete.

3. You’re gaping up at the sky a lot, mouth open when you should be running.

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4. You get a huge gust of rancid fish breath and think, forget the warheads, get this guy a giant breath mint.

5. You hear a loud bellowing and Rob Ford isn’t in town.

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Godzilla turns 60 years this year. Lookin’ good big guy.

Up until 1984 each Godzilla suit was made by hand, new each time.

It wasn’t until 2004 that Toho Co. Ltd  used CGI in their Godzilla films.

1god1710 years ago Godzilla earned a star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood…glad he didn’t do his actual footprint.

Raymond Burr starred in the 1954 black and white Godzilla movie. Yes, yes I see.

3 members of The Simpsons cast, Harry Shearer, Hank Azaria and Nancy Cartwright were in the 1998 reboot of Godzilla.

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Godzilla has more films than James Bond. Zilla, Godzilla.

Godzilla once fought The Avengers, in a comic book.

George Takei did some dubbing for Godzilla films. Oh my!

Guys in suits crushing miniature buildings, that old-school style, Suitmation. 1god2

Scientist killjoys say the weight of Godzilla would crush his own legs. They also say zombies can’t exist. Just cure cancer already and let us have our fun.

Saw Godzilla yesterday, the movie, not the monster. Nice cheesy feel, but was still too high-tech.1god11
I got the stink-eye from my teenage son when I may or may not have sniffed a little as Godzilla went down at one point. Geez, you cry at a few movies and you get a reputation.

Way too long and not enough Bryan Cranston.
Still great messages about the environment, trying to control or destroy nature, and about the checks and balances already in place that we humans keep tampering with.

We’re so arrogant to think we can control nature, look around…do you feel like you’re in control?1god10

PENNY DREADFUL

Penny Dreadful, a Showtime horror TV series that is certainly lurid, melodramatic, frightening, and intriguing.

Set in London, 1891 as the world hurtles toward the 20th century; the old meets the new featuring literary horror staples: Dorian Gray, Victor Frankenstein and creations, Mina Harker, etc.

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The cast is repulsively enchanting:

Billie Piper, again as a companion of sorts (come on Doctor Who fans), also more of a Secret Diary of a Consumptive Call Girl.

Reeve Carney as oh my, Dorian Gray, a portrait of a guy who likes to have a good time, no matter what, a sort of rock star version of the endless playboy.

Timothy Dalton glowers and growls his way through, hey, I’m not complaining he does it so well.

Eva Green as the unfathomable and flexible Kill-Jill-of-all-Trades with many secrets.

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Harry Treadaway as Dr. Frankenstein, defies all that is natural by making himself some friends, literally making them.

Josh Hartnett as a handsome cowboy with a past.

Plus Rory Kinnear, Alun Armstrong, Simon Russell Beale, Alex Price, Anna Chancellor, Helen McCrory, Olivia Llewellyn and more.

John Logan (The Aviator, Rango, Skyfall, Sweeney Todd, Any Given Sunday, Star Trek: Nemesis and more) offers up his own monster in this macabre yet novel series. While this has striking similarities to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie, it has a more sinister tone and not as cheesy.

I’ve only seen 2 episodes, but so far so spine-chilling.

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Penny Dreadful, also the term for garish and shocking serial stories sold in parts in bookstores during the 19th century. Each part cost a penny. As time went on, the term came to represent all sorts of poor quality, sensational fiction for the working class.

Penny Dreadful, not Penny from The Big Bang Theory or my lovely and hilarious British cousin Penny whom I would instead refer to as Penny Delightful.

“The suspense is terrible…
I hope it will last.”
~Oscar Wilde

Posted in Books, Televison, Uncategorized

Before Game of Thrones…Gormenghast

gor2Getting antsy waiting for the next season of Game of Thrones to start? Missing the intrigue, passion, treachery, lies, horror, murder, lust, filth, fighting, and fantasy?

Tired of hearing Winter Is Coming when many have had enough of winter?

Then the 4-part BBC Gormenghast might be just the ticket to exotic destinations.

Before Game of Thrones there was Gormenghast. Adapted from the first 2 books in the trilogy by Mervyn Peake, this is a stunningly creepy and brilliant experience you’ll not soon forget.

Exceptional cast including:  Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Stephen Fry, Christopher Lee, Ian Richardson, Neve McIntosh, Richard Griffiths, Zoë Wanamaker, Spike Milligan, and more.

This twisted foray into fantasy will be a stark reminder – more is out there.

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Posted in Movies, Televison, Uncategorized, Zombies

25 Ways To Stay Alive in a Horror Movie

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/1. When you hear a noise down a dark alley, or basement, up in the attic, in the woods, in the shadows, or a cemetery – don’t go to check it out or call out things like “Is anyone there?” or “Who’s there?”. You probably don’t want to know.

2. When confronted by a serial killer or zombie, etc. don’t try to come up with an overly elaborate Scooby-Doo-type plan to kill them. Run away.

3. If you’re in a good hiding space, don’t leave it right away or make a lot of noise. Shhh!

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

4. Don’t depend on someone coming to rescue you, they usually get killed.

5. Don’t go all hero and decide you’re going to go and fight the serial killer, zombie, demon, etc. It rarely works and usually ends in death, dismemberment, maiming, or all of the above.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/6. Don’t check into a hotel or motel named:
Bates Motel, The Overlook, Motel Hell, or Pinewood Motel.
Stay off Elm Street, Hanging Hill Lane, or Lucifer Dr.
Don’t go to summer camp at Crystal Lake.
Don’t go to places with names like:
Satan’s Kingdom, Transylvania, Bloody Springs, Silent Hill, Helltown, Amityville, Monster, or Bad Axe (really, it’s scary, trust me, I know) and apparently all small towns in New England have an overabundance of spooky and bad things happening in them, go figure.

7. Not the time for heart-to-heart chats, true confessions, make-out sessions, or arguments – wait until the bad things are gone.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

8. If  loved ones or companions start growling, hissing, have glowing eyes, misshapen features, sudden hairiness, a fascination with blood, this isn’t the time to practice tolerance – run!9. If you get invited to a spooky mansion for a party, don’t go, really, even if it seems cool, skip it.

10. If you see a book of spells or a book of the dead – don’t read aloud from it!

11. If you think you’ve killed a zombie, monster, serial killer, etc. don’t go closer to check if it’s really dead.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

12. Don’t solve puzzles that might open portals to Hell, or loose demons upon the world, bringing about the End of Days, etc. Stick to crosswords.13. Even if you’re really good at it, don’t play with recombinant DNA, actually, especially if you’re really good at it.

14. If you find a town that’s deserted, leave. Leave quickly. But first listen to the old crazy who tells you there’s a curse, or alien invasion, or possession – he’s the last one alive, he knows stuff.

15. Don’t borrow or steal from the dead. Don’t wake the dead. Don’t try to talk to the dead even if you think they might have helpful information. Don’t even think about them. Just don’t.

16. If plants and animals start behaving in an odd or aggressive manner, this is not the time for curiosity.

17. If your children, loved ones or friends start speaking to you in Latin, or ancient Babylonian, or some alien language it’s probably time to run, or get help, or run and get help.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

18. Don’t fall asleep (I got this one covered).19. Don’t try to figure things out or try to investigate. Also don’t go to the authorities, they’re probably already altered in some way, they won’t believe you, or you’ll get them killed.

20. If something is after you run or take a bus. I don’t care how reliable your car is, this time it won’t start or it will take you a long time to start it, or the cab driver will be possessed, or something really, really bad.

21. Even if you think your problems are over, you might want to wait to take a bath or shower.

22. If you find out your house is built on an old cemetery, ancient burial ground, where they use to perform rituals or sacrifices, or some other bad stuff, cut your losses, or get a really good supernatural real estate agent.

23. Always ask why a piece of real estate is so cheap and no one else wants it.

24. Whether you’re on an alien planet or Earth, stay away from: giant eggs, glowing things, ooze, furniture that moves on its own, scary clowns, TVs that lead to other worlds, hockey masks, machetes, chain saws, cabins in the woods, creatures, etc. And don’t wander around on your own or go looking for someone.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

25. This is the most important one: good shoes. No heels, no slippery soles, no untied laces. You are going to be running. Yes, you still might fall as they chase you, but your odds are better if you have good shoes.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

Good luck…and don’t split up!