Tag: Darth Vader

Posted in Blogs, Books, Canada, Food, Movies, Music, Star Wars, Televison, Uncategorized

Go Home Star Wars You’re Drunk

Posted on by D. Parker

1starwars43Regrets
I’ve had a few,
then again
too few
to mention.

So what if
my life is riddled
with plot holes
and logical gaps?

I have flaws and quirks (I say adorable, some may beg to differ).
I’m thoughtful and thoughtless.
Brilliant and oh so dumb, sometimes astonishingly, at the same time.
I’m a gloriously human jumble.

So why do we expect our entertainment to be perfect when we aren’t? As humans, we get caught up in things, even now, computers are galactically buzzing about the new Star Wars, loving it, trashing it, or both, and it hasn’t even hit theaters yet. I admit, my unease intensifies as The Force Awakens.

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There were times, I’m sure you knew, when I bit off more than I could chew-ie and I didn’t want to become blaster fodder. And Disney buying Star Wars made my complicated relationship go full Death Star explosion (scared of it I am). But Star Wars On Trial looked interesting, so I let the tractor beam pull me in (that’s no moon, that’s a blog post!).

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I consider myself an intelligent viewer (is that an oxymoron?), so I selected the 8th charge against the accused iconic franchise, The Plot Holes and Logical Gaps in Star Wars Make It Ill-Suited for An Intelligent Viewer.

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I agree, sometimes watching these movies, I just want to say, go home Star Wars you’re drunk, but I believe those who consume the story are culpable, not the storyteller.

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Upon first review of the charges, perhaps it does seem like only morons would enjoy movies like Star Wars – I’m paraphrasing, the witnesses for prosecution, Nick Mamatas and defense, Don DeBrandt were actually quite witty and eloquent. Star Wars certainly did it all and not in a shy way, oh no, let the record show George Lucas took the blows, and did it his way.

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I’ll state my case, of which I’m sorta certain, the details of the story aren’t nearly as important as the story itself. Why? Because we are the story.

  • We are Yoda, who trained Luke (more or less), but once said Anakin was too old to train, back in the days of surplus Jedi.

  • We are Obi-Wan Kenobi, I mean, Ben Kenobi hiding Luke Skywalker in plain sight, on a barren planet where most everything wants to kill him – guess we know who the favoured child was.

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  • We are Darth Vader (really, you didn’t recognize your own kids?), Han Solo, Amidala, Picard, The Avengers, The Doctor, Sherlock, Buffy, Leia, Luke (ewww, dude, you kissed your sister), The Lorax, Bugs Bunny, Scarlett O’Hara, Rick Grimes (You think it’s a plot hole, but it ain’t!), Rocky, Capt. Jack, Batman, Frodo, C-3PO, Scully, Mulder, Scrooge, Kirk, James Bond, Edward Scissorhands, Simpsons, Reddington (The Blacklist is a logical gap, who cares, watching James Spader read menus would be entertaining),

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  • Chewie, Daryl Dixon, Darcy, Katniss, Joker, Boo Radley (having a moment), The Griffins, Keyser Söze, Willy Wonka, Don Draper, Bridget Jones, Charlie Brown, Harry Potter, Walter White, Spock, R2-D2 (the real hero of SW) and more…

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No spoilers, I enjoyed all the sci-fi and fantasy authors, including, but not limited to David Brin and Matthew Woodring Stover who diligently prosecuted and defended the idolized, intriguing, yet infuriating series while the Droid Judge (This isn’t the Droid Judge you’re looking for) attempted to keep order.

Star Wars, innocent, guilty, or just in the wrong place at the right time, you decide, vote at http://www.smartpopbooks.com/star-wars-verdict/ or www.BenBellaBooks.com

And enter to win a free copy of Star Wars on Trial from BenBella Books (Canada or U.S only). In the comment box below, tell me your most hated or loved plot hole or logical gap (any book, movie, TV show, or life). Notification via droid (or me) November 15, 2015 – all contact will be confidential.

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I would say life isn’t logical. How could it be when we live it on a baffling blue ball twirling in space like a tattered ballerina in a vintage music box?

Stories are told by humans and therefore, delightfully flawed.

Think of it like extra cheese on lasagna, yes, it’s irrelevant, but does that mean it shouldn’t have happened? Life is messy. Take a bite.

 And Star Wars has Muppets…isn’t that enough?

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 Your true destiny? To always…do it your way.

May The Force Be With You1starwars76

Posted in Books, Chocolate, Family, Fibromyalgia, Holidays, Movies, Music, Political, Televison, Uncategorized

Come To The Dark Side, We Have Cookies

Posted on by D. Parker

14th4“They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally they became heroes.”
Princess Leia Organa of Aldaraan, Senator

This is one of my favourite quotes from Star Wars, though it was never used in the movies. I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time, or if one believes in fate, perhaps I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Each day is filled with choices, decisions, some huge, life-changing and others little, although who knows, they might be life changing as well.

Today is May the 4th, some may know it as Intergalactic Star Wars Day. For some, that’s everyday.
Nerds greet each other with, May the 4th Be With You. Posts, memes, parties, hash tags, sales, and news stories converge, in greater numbers.
Although this May 4th, the news is more about Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana than Princess Leia.14th21
Tomorrow, to a lesser degree with Revenge of the Fifth, although I think Revenge of the Sixth makes more sense. Is that a thing?

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An old nemesis has descended upon me this May the 4th – my Darth Vader, my Boba Fett, Jabba the Hut (probably rather have Pizza the Hut), Rancor (although it smells better), Greedo, or Count Dooku –  I’ve loosely titled it, Stars Wars VIII: Return of the Back Pain. Luckily it doesn’t hurt as much when I sit…and if I go over to The Dark Side, I hear they have cookies.
I think I know what brought it on, an unusual activity (not nearly as exciting as it sounds).

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It also brings back horrible memories of the car accident where the pain originated and I’m left to watch my back, like the aptly titled book, Watch Your Back! by Richard A. Deyo MD (Cornell University Press). I read this last time my back pain flared, hoping for some answers. It left me with more questions as it’s straightforward information shone a light on The Dark Side of the medical profession which offers people less and less, for more and more.

We don’t like to think that our pain is a business, but it’s big business.
This book won’t be popular, it points out that the medical profession, like politics and other systems, to paraphrase George Lucas, is like a great tree, able to withstand any external force, but rots from within. The lure of money, power, and prestige can overcome common sense and decency.
I understand the temptation of the magic fix, but realistically I know I have to do most of the figurative heavy lifting.
As patients we should be pushing for more treatments that are sensible, empowering, and give effective, long-term results for moderate costs.14th20

I’m used to being in constant pain with Fibromyalgia, it waxes and wanes, but never actually ceases, but in a strange way pain can also be freeing. You see past the Jedi mind tricks or I guess more like Sith mind tricks…you see the truth.1starwars15

What about you, dear readers, do you ever see The Dark Side of people when they think they can’t get anything from you?

Do you also see the power of The Force of goodness when some people like you just the way you are?
The latter is what I choose to believe in.

May the Fourth be with you.

Posted in Books, Doctor Who, Movies, Music, Televison, Uncategorized

Dear Luke, We Need To Talk. Darth

Posted on by D. Parker

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 Icebergs, henchmen, Fight Club, The Walking Dead, Friends, Twilight, Dora The Explorer, Jurassic Park, The Superbowl, Beastie Boys, Star Trek, Disney, The Grinch, Seinfeld, X-Files, B-52’s, Twilight Zone, Elton John, NASA, Harry Potter, Kurt Cobain, War Horse – no one is safe from John Moe’s satirical pop culture whimsical correspondence, and I’m so glad.

1darth18This book Dear Luke, We need to Talk. Dad Darth and other Pop Culture correspondences by John Moe (Three Rivers Press/Penguin) is hilarious, a remarkable, one might even say, noteworthy poke at pop culture. I love to laugh and when I saw the title on http://www.bloggingforbooks.org I knew I was going to have fun.

Some of my favs include, Bruce: A Shark’s Journal, which had me in giggles, especially the June 14 entry where Bruce fell off the wagon. Some of you may remember the eating issues Bruce had in Finding Nemo, now have that go Jaws.

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Also, a letter from the Pea1darth17nuts gang teacher regarding the lack of adults in Charlie Brown and his friends’ lives; also, how grateful she is to have a job considering her speech issues.

An explanation of what happened to Agents 001 through 006.

All of Jay Z’s 99 Problems.

Concerns about the overall direction the Doctor Who franchise is taking.

A letter to the island on Lost on how to promote tourism there.

1darth27Saul Hudson (Slash from Guns’N’Roses) as a Heavy Metal Editor, explaining to Axl Rose why Sweet Child O’Mine isn’t going to be a hit.

CIA 1darth111report from Agent Gilligan from the Island Project – Gilligan’s Island goes to a dark place on April 21, 1973 when they ate The Howells (It was time)…

A Welp! review of Cheers, Rick’s Café, Bronto Burgers, Overlook Hotel, Bates Motel, etc. A funnier version of Yelp!, not just people whining about the their First World Problems with restaurants, here’s a hint, you can afford to go to restaurants.

Correspondence between Batman’s producer and Neal Hefti the writer of the 1966 Batman theme; this money man versus artist exchange pits artistic integrity against commercialism which explains why the theme ended up being, you know, Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman! and so on.

1bat20 Muppet Studios Casting Office where we find out some of the reasons certain Muppets could not be included…

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An Oral History of Pac-Man Ghosts (I think Inky had it the toughest). Wocka wocka wocka.

And some dysfunctionally tasty drink recipes from Mad Men:

Drapertini

4 ounces gin
1 ounce vermouth
3 olives
5 tears that I never shed as a boy

Shake, stir, then pour down the sink because those days can never return.

1darth19Draper Manhattan

2 ounces bourbon
1 ounce vermouth
2 ounces of aromatic bitters
3 dashes of bitterness about my own need to hurt everyone who loves me
2 scrapes of the grime from that apartment I had after Betty and I split
1 maraschino cherry
Pour contents over ice into a glass, catch a distorted reflection in the ice for a moment, and wonder who you are or who anyone is really, sit in chair.

There, it’ll all be ok now.

1darth20

Posted in Books, Movies, Music, Televison, Uncategorized

MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU

Posted on by D. Parker

Some call this Intergalactic Star Wars Day, but really, isn’t that every day?

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Yet this one has an added feature, we now have a date, December 18, 2015, of the next Star Wars movie, as I’m calling it, Star Wars VII: An Old Hope.

Also, cast announcements. The latter has brought a torrent of indignation from many fans.

I think this is unfair in many ways to the new cast.

Of course any comparison can’t be helped and it’s not likely to be favourable.

Many of us grew up with the original cast and still think of Star Wars IV: A New Hope as the first SW movie.

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In 1977 Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamill weren’t even known.

Carrie Fisher hadn’t said, Help me Obi Wan Kenobi you’re my only hope or aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper? stars3

Mark Hamill hadn’t inadvertently kissed his sister, stood in the iconic pose against the twin suns, lost his hand, and screamed his famous nooooo!!!

Harrison Ford had never swaggered about the Millennium Falcon, said I know to Leila’s I love you, been encased in carbonite…

Alec Guiness hadn’t uttered the now famous, That’s no moon, that’s a space station, or said Use the Force Luke or become a cool ghost.

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We had never seen or heard the rasping menace of Darth Vader or the twisted malevolence of the Emperor…no Chewie or R2 or C3PO or Jabb14th10a or Lando or Boba-Fett.

So fear not, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, Kenny Baker, and John Williams are returning.

I think we should give the new cast a chance.

Adam Driver (he’s the best part of Girls, also in J. Edgar, The Unusuals, Your Don’t Know Jack, etc.),

Oscar Isaac (Sucker Punch, W.E., Inside Llewyn Davis, etc.),

Andy Serkis (Lord of The Rings, The Hobbit, King Kong, Einstein & Eddington, Longford, The Simpsons, Avengers: Age of Ultron, etc.),

Domhall Gleeson (Harry Potter as Bill Weasley, Black Mirror, About Time, When Harvey Met Bob, etc.),

John Boyega (Attack the Block and 24: Live Another Day),

Daisy Ridley (Mr. Selfridge, Silent Witness, etc.) and

Max von Sydow who’s been in I can’t even begin to list the work he‘s done since 1949, but he was Ming The Merciless.

Keeping an open mind, I am.

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Hope for the best, you should.

Now go get your comics, watch Star Wars movies, get your nerd on, and May The 4th Be With you!

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