I don’t want a lot for Christmas. There’s just one thing I need. Don’t care about the presents, shopping, or a Christmas tree – could we unblur the lines between good and bad? Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is less celebration of Black Hats (or Red Hats with Fur Trim), more celebration of White Hats (and cookies, definitely cookies).
We cheer for serial killers, drug lords, mobsters; glamorize celebrities and corporate fat cats – I hear they can even become President.
We’re allegedly repulsed by the violence, greed, self-absorption yet…we’re mesmerized.
-
Look at Santa. Or should I say: Santa Claus, Pere Noel, Father Christmas, SinterKlaas, St. Nicholas, Dun Che Lao Ren, Kris Kringle? Secret Santa indeed…he needs many aliases, with all the break and enters; sure, he leaves gifts but also a lingering sense of unease.
-
Some poor child still sings about being traumatized when he saw his Mommy kissing ‘Santa Claus’ underneath the mistletoe one night; how about Grandma getting run over by a reindeer, huh, whose reindeer? Take a wild guess.
-
Santa only works one day a year, while keeping elves slaving all year-long, to make toys, for which he takes the credit (and cookies).
-
Santa’s all ‘thank u, next’, he only cared about Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer when he deemed Rudolph useful, not when the poor reindeer was bullied relentlessly (#BeBestSanta).
-
Only eight tiny reindeer? Really?!? For one cookie-stuffed man? Does that seem fair?
-
Santa leaves his reindeer out in the cold and snow while he goes into warm homes…and they say The Grinch treated Max poorly (he did/does!).
-
Elvis begged Santa to bring his ‘baby’ back to him…what other atrocities don’t we know about, is it just me or does Santa seem kinda, I dunno, elfish?
-
Santa tells children he’s watching them when they’re sleeping; knows if they’ve been bad or good. He browbeats children into behaving well, threatening to leave a toxic substance, a lump of coal, in their stocking – The Nice List, The Naughty List, more like The Blacklist.
What’s next, Santa?
-
Are you gonna lead The Sons of Santa motorcycle gang, Ho Ho SAMCRO?
-
Be President in The House of Christmas Cards?
-
Have a barbed wire baseball bat covered in with Christmas lights (P.S. You’ll poke your eye out with that thing; or someone else’s eye)?
-
Kill to sit on the Candy Cane Throne in the Game of Santa’s Village Thrones (you sit on a throne of lies)?
-
Go over to The Dark Side (they have Christmas cookies – Merry Sithmas!)?
-
Be known as He Who Must Not Be Named at The North Pole…Harry Potter and The Half-Eaten Gingerbread Man?
-
Breaking Bad Santa?
-
Supernatural Santa?
-
Rescue Me from Santa’s tyranny…Hmmm, maybe Santa should be on The Naughty List.
-
Santa baby, c’mon please make it right this Christmas, or at least make it wrong and interesting.
yadadarcyyada 