Day: February 14, 2015

1. The Notebook. There’s no winner here, men will be edging to the door wanting to avoid the crying woman beside him in the theater and comparing themselves to Ryan Gosling. Your date will be all dewy-eyed and comparing you to Ryan Gosling.

2. (500) Days Of Summer. Sweet and quirky, but both of you will be thinking, hmmmm, they’re just going to break my heart, why even start this?

3. Lolita. Whole mess of discomfort and awkward conversations.

4. Saw. Any of them. Stay away from horror movies unless your date specifically says they love horror movies.

5. Knocked Up. Take a trip to a pharmacy before you see this.

6. Anything too funny – who can live up to that? Your jokes will fall flat for the rest of the night and you’ll end up repeating back the movie lines. Great way to weed out atrocious laughers though.  

7.  Marley & Me. Nothing says hot date like the death of a beloved pet.

8. Muriel’s Wedding, The Wedding Date, Monsoon Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. My Best Friend’s Wedding, Love Actually…you could be sized up for a tux while you’re getting popcorn. This goes double for Jane Austen-related films.

9. Anything too political. Could spark a lively debate or you could end up hating each other.

10. How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days. Because it’s about screwing up relationships, but mainly because it’s just kinda boring.

11. Fatal Attraction, Basic Instinct, Misery, Play Misty For Me, You Belong To Me, One Hour Photo, Sleeping With the Enemy, The Crush. Anything too stalkery – your date will be looking for the exits and changing their number.

12. Anything by David Lynch. This could lead to unsettling conversations about who has tried what, with whom, and when.

13. Titanic. Too long and spoilers, it didn’t end well. This goes for: Romeo and Juliet, Blue Valentine, Blue Velvet, The Comfort of Strangers, Antichrist, American Psycho, or Shame.

14. The Break Up. Leads to long silences and not just about the poor acting.

15. War movies, specifically Holocaust related.

16. Back to the Future. Mom in love with her son. Enough said.

17. He’s Just Not That Into You. Too much chatter and suspicion.

18. Vanilla Sky. I have nothing.

19. Remember Me. Your date may not want Robert Pattinson to die and guess what? Stick with any of the Twilight films.

20.  Say Anything. Unless you have a boom box, a trench coat and are John Cusack, don’t even try this one.