Posted in Cats, Christmas, Holidays, Uncategorized

‘Twas the month before Christmas

‘Twas the month before Christmas

‘Twas the month before Christmas and all through the city,
Not a creature was stirring, er, you find a rhyme…
I’m just not that witty.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Oops, don’t have a chimney, hmmm…
Oh well, Santa’s magic, who cares?

The people were nestled all snug in their beds,
(your business what you’re doing there)
While visions of shopping malls danced
in their wallets and heads.

I in my Soft Kitty PJs and the cat in the hat
Had just settled down to read,
maybe eat some cookies…
How about that?

When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed (ok, sprang is an exaggeration),
To see what was the matter.

It was only a drunk guy,
With his nose all aglow,
Shouting and singing,
Let it go, let it snow, let it go…

The moral of this story is plain to see
Please don’t sing outside my house
At Christmas or any other time,
Even on key…

1christmas33

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Posted in Monty Python, Movies, Televison, Uncategorized

And how does that make you feel?

INT. SUNLIT ROOM –  EARLY EVENING

Two middle-aged man, sitting in chairs, with takeout coffee, both casually dressed.

SETH
DOC, it’s happening again! I was doing so well. I had twenty-eight days without incident.
DR. ZAIUS
That’s real progress, SETH.
SETH
I can’t sleep, the words, the pictures, the music!!!
DR. ZAIUS
How does that make you feel?
SETH
Tired. Like I need more coffee.
DR. ZAIUS
Tell me about it.
SETH
I’ve been streaming again, Doc, it’s bad.
DR. ZAIUS
How does that make you feel?
SETH
Dizzy. Trying to watch any movies or TV shows, even listen to music is messed up. I tried Predator and Magnum PI, but it was too much.
DR. ZAIUS
Understandable, the heat signatures alone would be overwhelming. Did you try the relaxation techniques we practiced?
SETH
I tried, but it felt like I was in a dream within a dream, then I snapped.
DR. ZAIUS
Tell me about ‘snapped’.
SETH
I kept repeating my affirmation, I embrace the changes while flowing with the rhythm of the originals.
DR. ZAIUS
Did that help?
SETH
I couldn’t take Star Trek, Shawshank Redemption, Star Wars, The Shining, Lord of the Rings, and Lost seriously, the gags, the cutaways, the jokes, the spoofs kept intruding.
DR. ZAIUS
Seth, deep breaths.
SETH1aparody1
Doc, I talk like Stewie, have Mel Brooks as a pin-up, Monty Python as my screen saver, Cartman doing Poker Face as my ringtone. Where will it stop?
DR. ZAIUS
That’s up to you, Seth.
SETH
I can’t watch Matthew McConaughey’s Lincoln commercials without thinking of Jim Carrey’s Lincoln commercials on SNL. I feel like clawing my face off, like that guy in Poltergeist who needed to cut out late night snacking.
DR. ZAIUS
That’s perfectly natural, Seth, most people have felt that way watching Jim Carrey.

SETH
I haven’t gone to work or showered, I have 2001 phone messages. What’s going to happen when the parodies come out of Jurassic World and the latest Star Wars?
DR. ZAIUS
Seth, this is a safe place. Look around, you’re in the Parody Support Group.

Camera pans out – several other men and women – also sitting in chairs.

SETH
Doc, what if I’m in the parody of the Parody Support Group?
DR. ZAIUS
Are you laughing?
SETH
No.
DR. ZAIUS
You’re safe right now, take some deep breaths while Al tells us about how he lost on Jeopardy.

Fade to black.