Posted in Blogs, Books, Canada, Food, Movies, Music, Star Wars, Televison, Uncategorized

Go Home Star Wars You’re Drunk

1starwars43Regrets
I’ve had a few,
then again
too few
to mention.

So what if
my life is riddled
with plot holes
and logical gaps?

I have flaws and quirks (I say adorable, some may beg to differ).
I’m thoughtful and thoughtless.
Brilliant and oh so dumb, sometimes astonishingly, at the same time.
I’m a gloriously human jumble.

So why do we expect our entertainment to be perfect when we aren’t? As humans, we get caught up in things, even now, computers are galactically buzzing about the new Star Wars, loving it, trashing it, or both, and it hasn’t even hit theaters yet. I admit, my unease intensifies as The Force Awakens.

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There were times, I’m sure you knew, when I bit off more than I could chew-ie and I didn’t want to become blaster fodder. And Disney buying Star Wars made my complicated relationship go full Death Star explosion (scared of it I am). But Star Wars On Trial looked interesting, so I let the tractor beam pull me in (that’s no moon, that’s a blog post!).

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I consider myself an intelligent viewer (is that an oxymoron?), so I selected the 8th charge against the accused iconic franchise, The Plot Holes and Logical Gaps in Star Wars Make It Ill-Suited for An Intelligent Viewer.

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I agree, sometimes watching these movies, I just want to say, go home Star Wars you’re drunk, but I believe those who consume the story are culpable, not the storyteller.

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Upon first review of the charges, perhaps it does seem like only morons would enjoy movies like Star Wars I’m paraphrasing, the witnesses for prosecution, Nick Mamatas and defense, Don DeBrandt were actually quite witty and eloquent. Star Wars certainly did it all and not in a shy way, oh no, let the record show George Lucas took the blows, and did it his way.

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I’ll state my case, of which I’m sorta certain, the details of the story aren’t nearly as important as the story itself. Why? Because we are the story.

  • We are Yoda, who trained Luke (more or less), but once said Anakin was too old to train, back in the days of surplus Jedi.

  • We are Obi-Wan Kenobi, I mean, Ben Kenobi hiding Luke Skywalker in plain sight, on a barren planet where most everything wants to kill him – guess we know who the favoured child was.

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  • We are Darth Vader (really, you didn’t recognize your own kids?), Han Solo, Amidala, Picard, The Avengers, The Doctor, Sherlock, Buffy, Leia, Luke (ewww, dude, you kissed your sister), The Lorax, Bugs Bunny, Scarlett O’Hara, Rick Grimes (You think it’s a plot hole, but it ain’t!), Rocky, Capt. Jack, Batman, Frodo, C-3PO, Scully, Mulder, Scrooge, Kirk, James Bond, Edward Scissorhands, Simpsons, Reddington (The Blacklist is a logical gap, who cares, watching James Spader read menus would be entertaining),

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  • Chewie, Daryl Dixon, Darcy, Katniss, Joker, Boo Radley (having a moment), The Griffins, Keyser Söze, Willy Wonka, Don Draper, Bridget Jones, Charlie Brown, Harry Potter, Walter White, Spock, R2-D2 (the real hero of SW) and more…

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No spoilers, I enjoyed all the sci-fi and fantasy authors, including, but not limited to David Brin and Matthew Woodring Stover who diligently prosecuted and defended the idolized, intriguing, yet infuriating series while the Droid Judge (This isn’t the Droid Judge you’re looking for) attempted to keep order.

Star Wars, innocent, guilty, or just in the wrong place at the right time, you decide, vote at http://www.smartpopbooks.com/star-wars-verdict/ or www.BenBellaBooks.com

And enter to win a free copy of Star Wars on Trial from BenBella Books (Canada or U.S only). In the comment box below, tell me your most hated or loved plot hole or logical gap (any book, movie, TV show, or life). Notification via droid (or me) November 15, 2015 – all contact will be confidential.

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I would say life isn’t logical. How could it be when we live it on a baffling blue ball twirling in space like a tattered ballerina in a vintage music box?

Stories are told by humans and therefore, delightfully flawed.

Think of it like extra cheese on lasagna, yes, it’s irrelevant, but does that mean it shouldn’t have happened? Life is messy. Take a bite.

 And Star Wars has Muppets…isn’t that enough?

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 Your true destiny? To always…do it your way.

May The Force Be With You1starwars76

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Posted in Books, Chocolate, Family, Fibromyalgia, Holidays, Movies, Music, Political, Televison, Uncategorized

Come To The Dark Side, We Have Cookies

14th4“They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally they became heroes.”
Princess Leia Organa of Aldaraan, Senator

This is one of my favourite quotes from Star Wars, though it was never used in the movies. I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time, or if one believes in fate, perhaps I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Each day is filled with choices, decisions, some huge, life-changing and others little, although who knows, they might be life changing as well.

Today is May the 4th, some may know it as Intergalactic Star Wars Day. For some, that’s everyday.
Nerds greet each other with, May the 4th Be With You. Posts, memes, parties, hash tags, sales, and news stories converge, in greater numbers.
Although this May 4th, the news is more about Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana than Princess Leia.14th21
Tomorrow, to a lesser degree with Revenge of the Fifth, although I think Revenge of the Sixth makes more sense. Is that a thing?

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An old nemesis has descended upon me this May the 4th – my Darth Vader, my Boba Fett, Jabba the Hut (probably rather have Pizza the Hut), Rancor (although it smells better), Greedo, or Count Dooku –  I’ve loosely titled it, Stars Wars VIII: Return of the Back Pain. Luckily it doesn’t hurt as much when I sit…and if I go over to The Dark Side, I hear they have cookies.
I think I know what brought it on, an unusual activity (not nearly as exciting as it sounds).

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It also brings back horrible memories of the car accident where the pain originated and I’m left to watch my back, like the aptly titled book, Watch Your Back! by Richard A. Deyo MD (Cornell University Press). I read this last time my back pain flared, hoping for some answers. It left me with more questions as it’s straightforward information shone a light on The Dark Side of the medical profession which offers people less and less, for more and more.

We don’t like to think that our pain is a business, but it’s big business.
This book won’t be popular, it points out that the medical profession, like politics and other systems, to paraphrase George Lucas, is like a great tree, able to withstand any external force, but rots from within. The lure of money, power, and prestige can overcome common sense and decency.
I understand the temptation of the magic fix, but realistically I know I have to do most of the figurative heavy lifting.
As patients we should be pushing for more treatments that are sensible, empowering, and give effective, long-term results for moderate costs.14th20

I’m used to being in constant pain with Fibromyalgia, it waxes and wanes, but never actually ceases, but in a strange way pain can also be freeing. You see past the Jedi mind tricks or I guess more like Sith mind tricks…you see the truth.1starwars15

What about you, dear readers, do you ever see The Dark Side of people when they think they can’t get anything from you?

Do you also see the power of The Force of goodness when some people like you just the way you are?
The latter is what I choose to believe in.

May the Fourth be with you.

Posted in Books, Holidays, Parenting, Uncategorized

Darth Vader – Sweet Child O’Mine

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Jeffrey Brown is a comic book mastermind, writer, cartoonist, and certified nerd, and for some, an acquired taste. For me, his stuff is great for a giggle and these Star Wars parodies are no exception.

I like Darth Vader and Son best, but Vader’s Little Princess is a close 2nd. Star Wars: Jedi Academy (all Chronicle Books) also has some funny moments.

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I love how Brown takes the idea that Vader is Luke and Leia’s Dad (sorry if that’s a spoiler) and has them interacting in normal parent-child moments. Hilarious. Star Wars and average parenting lines take on a whole new meaning…

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I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it further.

When I was your age we didn’t even have Star Destroyers.

Your thoughts betray you.

Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate you. (I may have to try this to get my son’s room clean.)

I find your lack of patience disturbing.

If your Dad is a Star Wars fan, these might make a funny Father’s Day gift.

1darth6For older (notice I didn’t say more mature) audiences check out Brown’s other works including but not limited to: Clumsy, I Am Going To Be Small, Cats Are Weird and More Observations, Bighead, Little Things, and more.

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It’s pointless to resist.

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Posted in Books, Movies, Star Wars

Star Wars VII: An Old Hope

I admit to mixed feelings about Star Wars since George Lucas sold Lucasfilms to Disney.

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True,  it’s still Star Wars.
Creepy, it’s Disney Star Wars. Scared of it I am.sws11

It’s written (so far) by Lawrence Kasdan and J. J. Abrams.
Still, not infallible, look at the ending of Lost.sws12

Not being released until December 2015 that will give them time to make it right.
2015 will be almost 35 years after the release of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Really? I know they want to make money, but maybe some things are better left alone cough cough, Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.stars4

This will give new actors and actresses a chance to shine.
I will miss the original cast SW4-6, to me they are Star Wars.sws8sws9

It will give Family Guy something else to parody.
Family Guy hasn’t even mocked Star Wars 1-3, I guess they figured it was too obvious.stars1

I know I will go to see it, too much of a fan to miss it. And I shouldn’t be surprised either way…Hope R2 is in it, he’s the biggest hero of all the films.sws14

Posted in Books, Movies, Music, Televison, Uncategorized

Labyrinth

ImageI’ve never been sure if Labyrinth was meant to be a children’s film that grown-ups love, or a grown-up film that some children just might like as well.

I guess it doesn’t really matter.

Either way it’s certainly a brilliant lesson in be careful what you wish for.

Remarkable performances by David Bowie (of course) and Jennifer Connelly (a vision of things to come), but we all know, the Muppets are the real stars in this fantastic fantasy flick.

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Bowie is the perfect choice (again, of course) for Jareth, the Goblin King. Edgy, intense, mature, and smooth, he embodies a very, very adult world. Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) is drawn to him (of course) as she teeters on the brink of becoming a woman while still desperately clutching onto her childhood with a grubby fist. Jareth is the embodiment of temptation, to want, to yearn, to cling…he compels her, offering what she thinks she wants, fighting herself to take responsibility for her own actions.

In the throes of teen angst, Sarah blames everyone for her restlessness and discontent. Jareth seems the answer to all until she sees the truth (“I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.” ~Jareth) and the consequences – losing not only her baby brother, but herself.

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Sarah‘s lesson? There are so many to choose from, but the most important? That accepting who she was, is, and will be has its own rewards…instead of running from the future, she must embrace it and the present. The past will take care of itself, it always does.

OK, this definitely isn’t a new story, but this was beyond well-told, all the same.

And it has Bowie. And Bowie singing. Sigh.

 Sarah: That’s not fair!
Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?

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Magical…magically so.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S STAR WARS

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S STAR WARS by Ian Doescher (Quirk Books)sws4

Take the storytelling of George Lucas. Mix in the beauty and sublime elegance of William Shakespeare. The coupling gives us this dramatic, officially licensed do over of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.sws5

If you thought it was epic before, you haven’t seen anything.

Complete with stunning Elizabethan illustrations.sws2

The magnificent Iambic Pentameter makes your heart thump almost as loudly as the very first time you saw Star Wars.

New life hath this tome breathed into the War in the Stars.

Thank you, Master Doescher, this is verily a delight.sws3