Posted in Books, motivational, satire

How To Be A Bestselling Author in 3 Days or Less

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

There’s a lot of noise out there about how to write a bestseller.

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Why don’t we break it down.

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Let’s simplify the process and get you to bestseller status in 3 days or less!

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

1. Write a book.

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Use as many words as you think you need.

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Plots are plots (it’s all been done/redone/overdone; characters are key).

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Use a computer…

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typewriter…

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pencil or pen…

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None of it means anything if you don’t use your heart.

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2. Edit.

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Do not try this at home.

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Being your own editor is like trying to cure your own cancer.

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Don’t mistake skill or intent for reality.

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A friend, family member, professional editor, a dog or cat (if the communication is clear) – anyone (and I mean anyone) but you.

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3. Get published.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/
Big fancy publisher, self-publishing, blog it in serialized form, print them out and hand them to the masses on a street corner, just get it out there. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/06/21/how-to-get-your-book-published/

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4. Do a book tour.

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Sign books, shake hands, meet your fans, hope they don’t want to steal your kidney as a prize.

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5. Become rich and famous.

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Yes, become so rich and famous you’ll forget all the hard work…

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all the anxiety, rejection, doubt, derision.

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Don’t forget not to be a scummy rich and famous person.

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6. If 1-5 don’t happen, no worries.

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No one wants to publish my should-be bestsellers (https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/03/25/welcome-to-your-life/),

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but don’t stop me now (https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/02/06/dont-stop-me-now/)!

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I’m going to keep on writing, reading, researching, submitting, getting rejected, being ignored, and only slightly feeling the stings of all the subtle and not-so-subtle scoffing and mocking.

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Repeat again and again.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/Why? I have to get it all out of my head.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/As for would-be authors of a ‘certain age’, don’t despair, many famous authors didn’t kick-start their written legacy until later in life, not always for lack of trying:

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/J.R.R. Tolkien, Mark Twain, Toni Morrison, Anna Sewell, Bram Stoker,

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Alex Haley, Charles Bukowski, Laura Ingalls Wilder, William S. Burroughs, 

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Raymond Chandler, Frank McCourt, Marquis de Sade (don’t be that guy).

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Even J.K. Rowling and Dr. Seuss

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weren’t spring chickens…oh the places you’ll go (er, Hogwarts?).

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My point? 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years or 30…Write, draw, sing, dance, sculpt, design video games, whatever, creativity doesn’t come with an expiry date, a time stamp – as long as you live you can create.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

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Posted in Blogs, Books, Cats, Chocolate, Doctor Who, Food, Movies, Televison, Uncategorized

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)

1age44Dear readers, I admit to being in a bit of a pickle.
In youth, life seemed limitless, infinite.
Writing was the same, I just wrote, not a lot of stopping to think.
Such is the power and joy of youth.

And as we age limitations don’t just come from the outside, but from your own body:

  • Sagging (oh no, those should still be much higher).

  • Weird spots randomly attach themselves to your skin (“Out, Damned Spot!” doesn’t work, believe me, I’ve tried).

  • Eating cake may seem more exciting and less work than other, er, strenuous activities…

  • But if you’re not aging, you’ve discovered the Fountain of Youth (good for you, care to share?), or you’re dead and you just don’t know it yet.

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Sigh, so many things I wish I’d done or not done.
Sweet dreams lost, given up, given away, or stolen…
Sweet dreams fulfilled, waiting in the wings, and yet to come…

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There’s also a certain grace, a wisdom, a knowing that comes with age, even for books. Remember how those new and shiny ebooks were going to destroy the book industry? Make books into relics only viewed in museums? Those dire predictions may have been premature. The texture and weight of a book in your hands tells you so much about the content; ebooks all feel the same.

Deep in our DNA, we’re storytellers, not just those who write, but those who read. We don’t just want to experience the stories, we want to share the stories. It’s about connection.

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Many of those stories are by independent authors, not backed by a marketing budget larger than most of us will earn in a lifetime. Does that make them somehow less? Personally, I never cease to be amazed at the talent, the passion, the wonder never appreciated, just because it isn’t a bestseller.

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1teagan1I’ve reviewed books on and off for 30 years, yet ironically, I’m not always a fan of book reviews. I don’t enjoy a book report disguised as a review (we got it, you read the book, now, why should I?) and being told I should like or dislike a book. That’s silly, no one can tell you if you’ll like or dislike something, just why they liked or disliked it.

I love a story that transports me, takes me with the characters on their journey. I want to be there, a part of the story, which happened when I called upon Atonement, Tennessee…and never wanted to leave.

Teagan Riordain Geneviene kindly and brilliantly invites us to visit a small Southern town where things are not as they seem, but instead, is full of mystery, intrigue, murder, dashes of magic, romance…even a cat naturally more attuned and intelligent than her human counterparts (guess that goes without saying).

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I admit being a tad miffed Atonement, Tennessee didn’t come with a warning label, something like: Don’t start reading if you have anything else you need to do for the next couple of days. Of course, obsessively reading this book also helped me cast the movie and/or TV series, let’s see, how about Ian Somerhalder, Richard Armitage, and David Tennant? Look how cute and cuddly they are…oh, and there’s cats too!

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This is fantasy at its finest, but still left me wanting more…more…more…

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And thanks to technology, we can have more on Teagan’s wonderful blog, including her online serial, and even hints of a sequel, Atonement in Bloom (waiting with bated breath): https://teagansbooks.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/TeagansBooks
https://www.pinterest.com/teagangeneviene/
https://twitter.com/teagangeneviene

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 Maybe I could 100% honest review your books too, just contact me, see, over there to your right – ‘Sending Me Stuff’.

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Age can sure make you restless, even more so than in the bloom of youth, for we have the knowledge of what has been, what never was, and what could be. I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter what your age, and the only real limits are those of your courage and your convictions.

1age45

Posted in Blogs, Books, Chocolate, Family, Movies, Televison, Uncategorized

How To Get Your Book Published

1funny608As a writer I’ve read literally (that might not be the correct use of that word) thousands of articles on ‘how to get your book published’.

Then I noticed something strange about all of those articles, something they all had in common – they’d all been written by published authors.

What? This is a complete travesty! There are so many more of us, unpublished writers, looking for work and those authors are hogging the spotlight. They get books published, then they get articles published about how to get published. What a scam!

I’ve read enough self-help books to know what had to be done, those books (ironically, also written by published authors) clearly tell us that if you want something bad enough, you just have to imagine it, wish for it, and you’ll get it. Or was that a book about fairy tales?

Anyway…here’s my version of imagining it, wishing for it, my 12 easy steps to get your book published, I mean, how hard could it be, there are whole buildings full of books.

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How To Get Your Book Published:

1. Write a book.

2. Books or manuscripts (as they say in the biz) are generally typed on typing thingies. Some famous writers in history seemed to prefer typewriters, who knows, maybe they didn’t know about computers back then, I don’t have all the answers. I suggest going for a more personalized approach – handwriting your book. Publishers will appreciate your dedication and they’ll understand you really want this book deal.

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3. Go on a book tour. Don’t wait for your book to be published, the public is hungry for your words, bring them to the masses. Go to a book store and start telling customers all about your book. Sign books they’re holding or books on the store shelves – someday when you’re famous they’ll thank you for it.

4. Get an agent. As exciting as it might be, not a secret or special agent.

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5. You need a literary-sounding name. If your name isn’t already literary-sounding, change it to something like: J.K. Rowling, Dan Brown, Dr. Seuss, Jane Austen, Stephen King, Stephenie Meyer, George R.R. Martin, Shakespeare, E.L. James, Suzanne Collins, Agatha Christie – something really authory.

6. Writing for children is different from writing for adults. For example, don’t use the name Stephen King or anything he writes about…ever.

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7. Have family and friends write glowing book blurbs and reviews. If possible, have them use a well-known authory name, see #5 for examples.

8. People love pictures. You should totally get some of those.

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9. Have characters in your book. Characters is just a fancy literary term for people you write about, either made-up people or those you know (I doubt anyone will sue you).

10. People like when characters do stuff in books. Have your characters stay busy. I don’t want to tell you what to write, but supernatural, scary, science, and sex (or a combination thereof) fly off the shelves. Have fictitious people who don’t even slightly resemble your siblings, parents, children, boss, ex, celebrities, anyone, living or dead or undead, doing fictitious (nudge nudge, wink wink) stuff.

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11. Have your publisher help you promote your book. Sorry, did I skip that part? Get a publisher, preferably one who showers you with money, then get them to help promote your book (see #1).

12. Be prepared. Get ready, not only for fame and fortune, but to discuss and possibly explain your book, at length, on or in: TV, radio, podcasts, blogs, forums, bathroom stalls, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Skype, planes, trains, automobiles, restaurants, conventions, parties, family gatherings, fan sites, stalker fan sites, book signings (see #3 and don’t forget to bring a pen) – yes, everywhere and mostly to people who haven’t actually read your book.

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Now you’ve done all the hard work. Take some ‘me time’, relax in a bubble bath, have some tea or wine.

Let those royalties roll in and remember, show some love to those who helped you out. You’re welcome.

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