Some days staring at the ceiling making friends with shadows on my wall Some nights hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something. Hold on, feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown and I don’t know why (I might have a vague idea)
I’m not crazy I’m just a little unwell (a little???) I know right now you can’t tell But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see A different side of me (Sides?)
I’m not crazy I’m just a little impaired (repaired, scared, flared, despaired, prepared?) I know right now you don’t care But soon enough you’re gonna think of me And how I used to be (somedays I don’t even remember how I used to be)
See me Singing to myself in public And dodging glances from my brain I know, I know they’ve all been talking ’bout me I can hear them whisper (you know, when folks do that cool exaggerated whisper which is actually much louder than the average voice) And it makes me think there must be something wrong (define wrong) With me
Out of all the hours thinking (thinking, thinking, overthinking, thinking about chocolate, thinking some more, trying not to think then thinking about having a cup of tea and thinking a cookie would go well with, misthinking, watching some TV while trying not to think, misunderstanding my thinking, thinking about my thinkabilities with my thinkiest mind particles, unthinking then rethinking again, then back to overthinking, I think). Somehow I’ve lost my mind (of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most)
I’ve been talking in my sleep (is my phone listening to that too?) Pretty soon they’ll come to get me (they’ll have to find me first and I haven’t even found myself yet!) Yeah, they’re taking me away (Oooh, nice, a vacation!)
Yeah, I miss how I used to be How I used to be
You may be hearing this song by Rob Thomas/Matchbox 20, but I’m hearing it as Mad Monster Scientist from Season 13 of The Masked Singer...I won’t tell you who it really was (just sayin’, I guessed who it was, what can I say, I have music in my head 24/7 so I recognize a lot of the voices in my head, oh hello!!!), in case you haven’t watched, or want to watch. I wouldn’t want to do “spoilers”.
Anyway, this song has firmly stuck in my head and I decided the only way to remove it was to press it onto this page. Don’t blame me if it sticks to you next.
Struggling to read, sleep, find words, stand (and stay standing), sit, write, blog https://yadadarcyyada.com/2025/09/07/how-can-you-miss-me-if-i-wont-go-away/, well, anything, as usual, and now all the while watching the world spiral. I’m not sure if the world is crazy or just a little unwell, but right now, right now I can’t tell. Up is down and down is up, it’s distorted, distended, diseased, disgraced, disappointing, discouraging, dishonest, and frankly, mostly, distasteful. It feels as topsy-turvy as though I’m Alice down the rabbit hole, but without the cute dress. So here I am just trying to figure out if there’s anything left to figure out in the world.
There’s a bright side. I truly believe many people are still good. They still do good. I also believe more people waking up to reality isn’t bad, or as depressing as they think/thought. As weird, bad, and scary as things are: The Epstein Files; the economy; wars; tariffs; unaffordable and completely unaccessible housing; sky high grocery prices; crime; horrible, horrible, distracted drivers; loss; fear; chaos; endless ads, subscriptions, verification codes to distract us (seriously, companies need to invest in cybersecurity, why should I be your administrative assistant for free?); the rise of AI (seriously, look up what AI is doing, nothing intelligent about using it, it’s not worth it), https://yadadarcyyada.com/2024/02/21/i-am-not-a-robot/and the list goes on and on…sometimes I feel like giving up, but then I remember, there’s still good, there’s still hope.
On the bright side, there’s no zombie apocalypse. The Walking Dead is kinda scary, no electricity, no internet, no indoor plumbing, and we’d run out of chocolate quickly!!! And sooooooooo much walking, I mean, it’s in the title!!! I really don’t think I could get passed the smell. Also, World War Z and 28 Days/Weeks/Years (28 Decades/Centuries?) Later “zombies” are way too fast.
No cloned dinosaurs are roaming on any island (there are much, much, much scarier things on certain islands).
No alien invasion, although at this point it might be a blessing. Of course, space has its own issues, Alien, Battlestar Galactica, The 100, Star Trek, Doctor Who, The Orville, Stargate, Cowboy Bebop, Firefly, The Expanse, look at the Star Wars universe, though Andor was an amazing watch, highly recommend.
Was truth always over-rated? In a way, would it be better to not know what snowmen really do in summer?
Be kind. Stay kind. Do things for people who can’t do anything for you. Smile. Laugh. Care. Love. Hope. Dream. Watch what you want. Question. Share. Read what you want. Question. Eat the cake. Give. Renew. Refresh. Laugh some more, with people (not at them, resist the temptation, I know it seems too easy sometimes but what does that say about us, not them?). Sing. Question everything. Write. Explore. Discover. Delight. Dance like everyone is watching. Hug someone (like, not some random person, someone you know). Be kind again. Eat the cookie or the salad…is there cookie salad cause I want that. Learn lessons. Believe (I want to believe). Turn off your screens (right after you read and share this post!). Go outside. Spend time with family and friends. Make friends, some will become family. Hope some more. Dream some more. Care some more. Courage my friends, we are so much more than they think we are, especially together.
Guess what? I won! I entered a contest, on a whim, to win tickets to the Seniors (High School) London Performing Arts Academy (London, Ontario, Canada Not-for-Profit School of The Arts) interpretation of The Addams Family musical.
Funny jokes, snap snap, cotton candy, snap snap, audience laughter, snap snap, and musical notes surrounded us, offering the most elusive thing as society struggles…joy. For a couple of hours I was in the Addams mansion, laughing, tapping my feet, and snapping my fingers.
Some highlights: George Crosby as the dashing Gomez Addams brought smiles, laughter, and applause (cara mia).
Uncle Fester, played to distraction by Juan Ambrosio-Ungson stole every scene he was in.
Maddie Carrick brought her vision of the enigmatic Morticia Addams to life death with soaring vocals, dance, tight black dress, and humour.
Lauren Atkinson was a love-struck version of Wednesday Addams, whose impressive vocals pulled us in many directions.
Dylan Lale was comedically candid as Grandma Addams.
Leland Chafee was a treat as the tortured teen, Pugsley.
Mackenna Van Massenhoven was a sheer delight as the ever-changing Alice Beineke, wow, what a voice.
Also, kudos to Will Deman as Lucas Beineke, Xavier Kitching as Mal Beineke, Max Loblaw as Lurch and The Addams Ancestors were entertaining and diverting, in the best way possible.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but this ain’t your Mom’s high school musical; I was impressed by the talent, enthusiasm, and effort all the players brought to the stage. The singing was superb, the choreography swell, and the sets subtle (but effective).
London Performing Arts Academy The Addams Family
Only time and love can brew such a darkly delicious stew. They were, as promised, creepy and kooky, mysterious and ooky…Thank you all for the magical night.
Yup, they’re out there, the indies (independents, not the big bucks), waiting.Indie authors (https://yadadarcyyada.com/2021/05/21/how-i-met-your-author/), artists and performing artistsgalore. Your community and other communities have so much to offer, locally. Art classes and exhibitions, bird watching, cooking/food, nature walks, theater, concerts, plays, gardening, trivia nights, history, craft shows, haunted walks, plants, pottery, paintings, poetry, films, fashion, festivals, fantasy…fun. I visited Museum London for an art show/tour (free).
Meryl McMaster (Canadian, b. 1988), Edge of a Moment, 2017, archival inkjet photograph on paper, Collection of Museum London; Purchase, John H. and Elizabeth Moore Acquisition Fund, 2017
Know what else is indie and free?The support group I founded to help those with chronic conditions, Chronic Not Hopeless (chronicnothopeless@gmail.com), yup, free Zoom activities for anyone, anywhere. Sadly, lots of stuff isn’t free, like chocolate, candy, ice cream, and tea, but with inflation, shopping the sales makes you patient.https://yadadarcyyada.com/2022/01/21/cant-buy-me-love/
So it’s good to step outside your comfort zone, literally and figuratively.For those with chronic conditions, anytime leaving home is can be a big adventure. You have to have a plan within a plan within a plan, so basically, planception. You need your gargoyles in a row, or at least know where your gargoyles are, in the relative scheme of things. So I had a plan and everything went as planned…no, better than planned.
Sometimes, creepy and kooky is a good thing. Does anyone remember The Addams Family motto?“Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc” or “We Gladly Feast on Those Who Would Subdue Us”.Maybe we should update it to,“Veritas numquam perit” or “Truth never perishes”…but the truth can be bought, sold, stolen, hidden, maimed, incapacitated, disfigured, kidnapped, horribly mangled, lost. We need to protect it before it does perish.
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