Month: March 2014
Before Game of Thrones…Gormenghast
Getting antsy waiting for the next season of Game of Thrones to start? Missing the intrigue, passion, treachery, lies, horror, murder, lust, filth, fighting, and fantasy?
Tired of hearing Winter Is Coming when many have had enough of winter?
Then the 4-part BBC Gormenghast might be just the ticket to exotic destinations.
Before Game of Thrones there was Gormenghast. Adapted from the first 2 books in the trilogy by Mervyn Peake, this is a stunningly creepy and brilliant experience you’ll not soon forget.
Exceptional cast including: Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Stephen Fry, Christopher Lee, Ian Richardson, Neve McIntosh, Richard Griffiths, Zoë Wanamaker, Spike Milligan, and more.
This twisted foray into fantasy will be a stark reminder – more is out there.
25 Ways To Stay Alive in a Horror Movie
1. When you hear a noise down a dark alley, or basement, up in the attic, in the woods, in the shadows, or a cemetery – don’t go to check it out or call out things like “Is anyone there?” or “Who’s there?”. You probably don’t want to know.
2. When confronted by a serial killer or zombie, etc. don’t try to come up with an overly elaborate Scooby-Doo-type plan to kill them. Run away.
3. If you’re in a good hiding space, don’t leave it right away or make a lot of noise. Shhh!
4. Don’t depend on someone coming to rescue you, they usually get killed.
5. Don’t go all hero and decide you’re going to go and fight the serial killer, zombie, demon, etc. It rarely works and usually ends in death, dismemberment, maiming, or all of the above.
6. Don’t check into a hotel or motel named:
Bates Motel, The Overlook, Motel Hell, or Pinewood Motel.
Stay off Elm Street, Hanging Hill Lane, or Lucifer Dr.
Don’t go to summer camp at Crystal Lake.
Don’t go to places with names like:
Satan’s Kingdom, Transylvania, Bloody Springs, Silent Hill, Helltown, Amityville, Monster, or Bad Axe (really, it’s scary, trust me, I know) and apparently all small towns in New England have an overabundance of spooky and bad things happening in them, go figure.
7. Not the time for heart-to-heart chats, true confessions, make-out sessions, or arguments – wait until the bad things are gone.
8. If loved ones or companions start growling, hissing, have glowing eyes, misshapen features, sudden hairiness, a fascination with blood, this isn’t the time to practice tolerance – run!
9. If you get invited to a spooky mansion for a party, don’t go, really, even if it seems cool, skip it.
10. If you see a book of spells or a book of the dead – don’t read aloud from it!
11. If you think you’ve killed a zombie, monster, serial killer, etc. don’t go closer to check if it’s really dead.
12. Don’t solve puzzles that might open portals to Hell, or loose demons upon the world, bringing about the End of Days, etc. Stick to crosswords.
13. Even if you’re really good at it, don’t play with recombinant DNA, actually, especially if you’re really good at it.
14. If you find a town that’s deserted, leave. Leave quickly. But first listen to the old crazy who tells you there’s a curse, or alien invasion, or possession – he’s the last one alive, he knows stuff.
15. Don’t borrow or steal from the dead. Don’t wake the dead. Don’t try to talk to the dead even if you think they might have helpful information. Don’t even think about them. Just don’t.
16. If plants and animals start behaving in an odd or aggressive manner, this is not the time for curiosity.
17. If your children, loved ones or friends start speaking to you in Latin, or ancient Babylonian, or some alien language it’s probably time to run, or get help, or run and get help.
18. Don’t fall asleep (I got this one covered).
19. Don’t try to figure things out or try to investigate. Also don’t go to the authorities, they’re probably already altered in some way, they won’t believe you, or you’ll get them killed.
20. If something is after you run or take a bus. I don’t care how reliable your car is, this time it won’t start or it will take you a long time to start it, or the cab driver will be possessed, or something really, really bad.
21. Even if you think your problems are over, you might want to wait to take a bath or shower.
22. If you find out your house is built on an old cemetery, ancient burial ground, where they use to perform rituals or sacrifices, or some other bad stuff, cut your losses, or get a really good supernatural real estate agent.
23. Always ask why a piece of real estate is so cheap and no one else wants it.
24. Whether you’re on an alien planet or Earth, stay away from: giant eggs, glowing things, ooze, furniture that moves on its own, scary clowns, TVs that lead to other worlds, hockey masks, machetes, chain saws, cabins in the woods, creatures, etc. And don’t wander around on your own or go looking for someone.
25. This is the most important one: good shoes. No heels, no slippery soles, no untied laces. You are going to be running. Yes, you still might fall as they chase you, but your odds are better if you have good shoes.
Good luck…and don’t split up!
Beware the Ides of March
This is another one we can blame on Shakespeare, that’s ok Will, I still love you.
In Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar the soothsayer tells Caesar to “beware the Ides of March”. For some reason this caught on and people often celebrate March 15 so I guess they’re celebrating when Julius Caesar was assassinated in the Roman Senate in 44 B.C.?
Here are some more commonly used phrases you may or may not have known came from Will S.
- Hamlet: To thine own self be true. There’s method in my madness. Own flesh and blood. Neither a borrower nor a lender be – used in song on Gilligan’s Island when performing Shakespeare to get off the island, another great plan.
- Julius Caesar: Itching palm – My Grandma always said if you had an itching palm you were going to get money, yes, most likely from her. Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war – not a common phrase, but was used in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, so cool.
- Romeo and Juliet: Wild-goose chase. Star-crossed lovers. What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Parting is such sweet sorrow.
- Macbeth: What’s done is done. A sorry sight.
- Merchant of Venice: Love is blind. All that glitters/glisters is not gold. Bated breath. In the twinkling of an eye.
- The Tempest: In a pickle. Fair play. Such stuff as dreams are made on.
- As You Like It: Too much of a good thing. Forever and a day. As you like it. Bag and baggage. Neither rhyme nor reason.
- The Merry Wives of Windsor: A laughing stock . What the dickens – people often think this refers to Charles Dickens.
- Henry IV 1: Set your teeth on edge. Send him packing. The game is afoot – later make even more famous when used by Sherlock Holmes/Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
- Henry IV 2: Eaten out of house and home.
- Henry VI 2: As dead as a doornail. Mum’s the word.
- Henry V: Heart of gold.
- Henry VIII: For goodness’ sake.
- Othello: Neither here nor there. Jealousy is the green-eyed monster. I will wear my heart upon my sleeve. Vanish into thin air. Pomp and circumstance.
- Taming of the Shrew: Kill with kindness. Cold comfort
- Cymbeline: Not slept one wink
- Troilus and Cressida: Good riddance
- All’s Well That Ends Well: Obviously, the title.
- King Lear: Full circle
- King John: Play fast and loose . Cold comfort.
- Twelfth Night: In stitches. Out of the jaws of death