Posted in Books, Fibromyalgia, Food, Music, Televison, Uncategorized

Skeletons In My Closet #1000Speak

1funny583Woah-oh, woah-oh
Skeletons in my closet
Woah-oh, woah-oh yeah
Skeletons in my closet
Skeletons in my closet,
Skeletons in my shoes,
Skeletons I can only see,
Skeletons I can lose….
Skeletons in my basement, loitering on my streets, wearing my best pyjamas, sandwiched between my sheets….Donna? We want you! Donna, Donna! D-Donna, D-Donna, D-Donna, D-Donna?
~To paraphrase Alice Cooper (doubt he’d mind, he’s probably golfing).

The best thing about humans, we’re complex.
The worst thing about humans, we’re complex.

If we’re honest, we all have some skeletons in our closets.
Maybe not stuff you’d see on The Sopranos, Sons of Anarchy, Game of Thrones and hopefully nothing that would show up in a Stephen King novel. Just things we did that we wish we hadn’t done. Things we wish we hadn’t said. Things we’d like to hide away and forget ever happened.

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We should show some love for those skeletons. They remind us of: tough times, poor judgment, mistakes, moments of weakness, intolerance, indifference, cruelty. Mine remind me of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned. Why not just live with them, make peace with our poor choices and our demons? They’re a part of us.

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I know, I know, it’s more comfortable ignore the skeletons and think about, talk about, glory in the times when we did wonderful things.
When we showed kindness, empathy. When we built someone up and made someone feel better. Helped. Comforted. Supported. Cared. Loved.
But what about those times when we didn’t?

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Most monsters are born of pain, despair, sorrow, loneliness, neglect, abuse, greed, apathy, and horrors.
As you grow older, you begin to care much less about pleasing others and worrying about what people think.
They’re going to think what they think.
You can try and try, but you can’t please everyone.
If you’re controlled by the past, how can you enjoy the present?
I’d rather have my skeletons out there, dancing (hey, they’re not bad dancers) than judging others and being a hypocrite.

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It doesn’t matter who or where you come from and choices you’ve made, what matters is who you choose to be from now on.
We worry so much about skeletons while we have monsters to wrestle each day: pain, loss, hopes dashed, conflict, poverty, illness, loneliness, anger, disappointment, frustration, guilt. Make peace with the monsters so they don’t hurt others, even inadvertently.
One of my monsters is chronic illness. It fights to stop me from enjoying life and I do my warrior princess cry (in my head, it would be extremely disruptive to do it out loud) and fight back. I’ve lost a lot, but in the end, I show my monsters some compassion, they’re a part of me.
As long as no one gets hurt, invite your monsters and skeletons for a cup of tea and comfort…or wine…or coffee…or maybe something stronger depending on how long they’ve been in the closet. Don’t forget to offer them cookies, cake, and ummm, snow cones?

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I wake up every morning to a monster in my room.
I try to speak to it, but it runs away too soon.
It sneaks in while I sleep, to hide behind my bed.
I can hear it breathing; does it want me dead?
What is it doing? Is it playing games?
I sip some tea and finally see,
that lovely monster is part of…me.

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Posted in Blogs, Books, Canada, Doctor Who, Fibromyalgia, Internet, Movies, Music, Televison, Uncategorized

To Blog or Not To Blog

1funny452I have always been me and despite many attempts to make me not me, I still seem to manage to be me.

That’s not always a good thing.

Read some of my stuff, comment, critique, praise, ignore, puzzle, or just do whatever you want.

That’s my blog bio…everything else you’ll learn in my posts or you don’t care.

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Every time I think I understand, even vaguely, how the world works, it tilts on its axis, spinning me right round, baby right round, like a record. Turns out, the blogging world is no different. Like everyone else on the planet (that might be a slight exaggeration, overstatement was never my strong suit), I have a blog. If I had a cat it would have a blog about sleeping, eating, and occasionally chasing a mouse lurking around the property. The mouse would have a blog about his adventures trying to escape the cat that bothers him while he’s trying to lurk around the property. And so on.

August 2013,  I started this blog to relax, to practice writing, and to be more concise, with varying degrees of success. My Very Me-ness doesn’t always translate well, but no need to worry (hear that brain, no need to worry…forget it, it’s not listening), I’ve been embraced by readers, bloggers, etc. and I feel snug as a bug in a virtual rug.

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Blogging has been difficult in many ways, but has made me fall in love with writing again, which guided me to start a year-long project to add even more happiness (Or contentment? Peace of mind?) to my life.

I more or less doubled my 7 goals in my first week https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/06/03/dont-worry-be-happy/, even giving up 4 TV shows, but then I added 2, drum roll please, ok, I really only gave up 2 (math rules!).

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This week’s goals:
1. Remove 15 minutes or more of screen time per day and play a game with my son (I want chess, he wants Pokémon, maybe we need a Pokémon chess set).
2. Remove 100 calories per day (No cheating, it can’t be veggies…Step away from the cookies).
3. Remove 15 minutes or more of screen time per day and just write, doesn’t matter what.
4. Remove 15 minutes or more per day of sitting time (replace with Yoga and Tai Chi).
5. Spend 15 minutes or more per day submitting articles and manuscripts, especially knowing they might be rejected.
6. Change 15 minutes of internet time to relaxation and rest.
7. Give away, use, or get rid of 1 or more items a day.

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1funny433Blogging myths busted and wisdom learned:

1. Blogging is solitary. Wrong. Blogging, my friends, is social and addictive, like sugar, and as the song by Maroon 5 says (I’ve tried to get it out of my head, believe me), I need a little sweetness in my life, your sugar, yes, please!

2.You need to have something to say to have a blog. How snotty and daft was that assumption? Everyone has something to say.

3. Blogging is simple. Wrong again, complicated, yet worth it, despite the intricacies that sometimes make you feel like your head might explode. Mistakes have been made and more shall be made; it’s all part of learning.

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4. Success! I thought I needed to be a world-famous writer, then I saw comments that said I’d made people laugh, smile, and think. Anything else that comes along would be the icing on this delicious, chocolatey cake of a blog experience thanks to you, dear readers.

5. Blogging is constant. Wrong. As with life, the only thing you can count on in blogging is change.
For example, I believe the WordPress motto is: If it ain’t broke, fix it a few times a day.
Twitter seems to have a midlife crisis every few weeks and I don’t know what happened to Facebook.
There are: trolls, traffic, topics, taboos, privacy issues, time, concentration…what was I saying? Oh yes, so the question today is, to blog or not to blog?
For now, the answer is…why not?

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Posted in Books, Family, Fibromyalgia, Movies, Parenting, Uncategorized

Don’t You Forget About Me

1alice18We all forget things.

  • We’ve all forgotten where we put our car or house keys.

  • Who hasn’t walked into a room and forgotten why?

  • Been speaking when the word you want goes missing, you know it’s there, you grope around in your mind, finding other words that might work in it’s place, but the word you wanted is gone.

  • I’m forever putting things ‘where I know they’ll be’ then fairies spirit them away, only to be found later in a totally illogical spot. Those fairies.

Forgetting is normal. Our minds are full. Overfull. We’re stressed or tired.

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What if it isn’t just that?
1alice8What if forgetting is a symptom?
I made the mistake/best choice to watch Still Alice, based on the stunning novel by Lisa Genova about a 50-year-old Linguistics professor who learns she has early onset Alzheimer’s. I hadn’t been quite prepared for the visceral punch of watching a woman close to my age lose her mind and herself.
How can your thoughts, memories, love, dreams, the essence of who you are all be ripped from you, not by some invading army, some natural disaster, but by your own brain?

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How could we lose: Our Dad’s laugh. Mom’s wisdom. Joking with siblings. Husbands. Wives. Friends. The smell of our children as babies. The feel of loved ones in our arms. Our first date, first kiss, first job. Or our best date, best kiss, best job? I can’t even begin to imagine staring at pictures of family and friends and not knowing who they are.
Our knowledge and memories so greedily gathered over the years, erased as though they never happened.
Losing who we are, even before we’re gone.

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In the movie, Alice (played the exquisitely talented Julianne Moore) quotes Elizabeth Bishop’s poem, One Art, sad and famous words,
“The art of losing isn’t hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.”
As a person with Fibromyalgia I’ve long appreciated and hated those words. For those who live with illness every day the art of losing isn’t hard to master, it becomes more of a science. You learn to manage, modify, accommodate, cope, compromise, let things go, adjust, re-adjust and always adjust your expectations – there’s a trick to life, except you’re not always sure it isn’t being played on you.

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At times we all want to forget. Forget pain. Forget sorrow. Forget humiliation. Forget betrayal. Forget loss. The seductive lure of forgetting makes us forget that remembering is a gift, one that should never be wished away.

I won’t recommend this film. Not because it wasn’t wonderful, it was.

I won’t urge you to watch this film. Instead watch the news, so full of ISIS, FIFA, elections that are months or even years away, what celebrities are wearing, eating, doing, it’s all sooooo important, we really should be paying close attention.

Don’t worry about Alzheimer’s, cancer, MS, heart attacks, strokes, diabetes, asthma, and all the other illness that take our loved ones.

Don’t watch this movie, there wasn’t any sex, violence, special effects, car chases, CGI, superheroes. It’s only about change, dignity, character, and highlights that things we too often think matter, you know, little things, petty things, stupid things, don’t matter at all.

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Posted in Books, Chocolate, Family, Fibromyalgia, Holidays, Movies, Music, Political, Televison, Uncategorized

Come To The Dark Side, We Have Cookies

14th4“They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally they became heroes.”
Princess Leia Organa of Aldaraan, Senator

This is one of my favourite quotes from Star Wars, though it was never used in the movies. I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time, or if one believes in fate, perhaps I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Each day is filled with choices, decisions, some huge, life-changing and others little, although who knows, they might be life changing as well.

Today is May the 4th, some may know it as Intergalactic Star Wars Day. For some, that’s everyday.
Nerds greet each other with, May the 4th Be With You. Posts, memes, parties, hash tags, sales, and news stories converge, in greater numbers.
Although this May 4th, the news is more about Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana than Princess Leia.14th21
Tomorrow, to a lesser degree with Revenge of the Fifth, although I think Revenge of the Sixth makes more sense. Is that a thing?

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An old nemesis has descended upon me this May the 4th – my Darth Vader, my Boba Fett, Jabba the Hut (probably rather have Pizza the Hut), Rancor (although it smells better), Greedo, or Count Dooku –  I’ve loosely titled it, Stars Wars VIII: Return of the Back Pain. Luckily it doesn’t hurt as much when I sit…and if I go over to The Dark Side, I hear they have cookies.
I think I know what brought it on, an unusual activity (not nearly as exciting as it sounds).

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It also brings back horrible memories of the car accident where the pain originated and I’m left to watch my back, like the aptly titled book, Watch Your Back! by Richard A. Deyo MD (Cornell University Press). I read this last time my back pain flared, hoping for some answers. It left me with more questions as it’s straightforward information shone a light on The Dark Side of the medical profession which offers people less and less, for more and more.

We don’t like to think that our pain is a business, but it’s big business.
This book won’t be popular, it points out that the medical profession, like politics and other systems, to paraphrase George Lucas, is like a great tree, able to withstand any external force, but rots from within. The lure of money, power, and prestige can overcome common sense and decency.
I understand the temptation of the magic fix, but realistically I know I have to do most of the figurative heavy lifting.
As patients we should be pushing for more treatments that are sensible, empowering, and give effective, long-term results for moderate costs.14th20

I’m used to being in constant pain with Fibromyalgia, it waxes and wanes, but never actually ceases, but in a strange way pain can also be freeing. You see past the Jedi mind tricks or I guess more like Sith mind tricks…you see the truth.1starwars15

What about you, dear readers, do you ever see The Dark Side of people when they think they can’t get anything from you?

Do you also see the power of The Force of goodness when some people like you just the way you are?
The latter is what I choose to believe in.

May the Fourth be with you.

Posted in Autism, Blogs, Canada, Cats, Family, Fibromyalgia, Uncategorized

I’ve got a secret

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He’s back. That bird. The rude one. The one that taunts me.
He sits outside my window and calls me cheap. Over and over again.
He doesn’t even know me. He’s never even taken the time to know me.

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OK, having a mock feud with a loud bird wasn’t the best start to the day, but it is a good sign of Spring. Migraine seems gone, still have a cold or maybe it’s allergies, but not throwing myself a Pity Party, I’m going to throw a Yay Me Party! And facing problems gives us the ability to learn, make mistakes, adapt, and maybe even find solutions or at least, the chance of a solution, right?1bird5

People talk about Happiness in wide, sweeping terms as though we’re all made happy by the same things. No, really different.
I’ve got a secret, it’s  a decision to do something that might make me a lot happier, but I don’t think I’m ready.
But then I tell myself, thinking you’re not ready is an excuse.
The truth is, I doubt anyone is always ready, but that doesn’t mean I can’t give it my best.
But what if I do it incorrectly? Nothing is perfect, why wait for the perfect time when I can be doing something, right now?

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It’s said life is a journey, well, sometimes it’s more of a trip. Weird thing is, there’s always a path, at least one, sometimes it’s overgrown, sometimes it’s been taken by others, lots of others, sometimes it leads you the wrong way, but it always leads you somewhere.
Where you take the path, if you stay or go back, take another path or make your own path is your choice, just do so with all the information you can.

So ready or not, here I come! I think.1bird2

Posted in Autism, Awards, Blogs, Books, Canada, Cats, Chocolate, Family, Fibromyalgia, Movies, Music, Televison, Uncategorized

March Madness Spring Fling Blog Party

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Depending on where you are, this week is:
Spring Break, March Break, March Madness, Spring Equinox, St. Patrick’s Day or maybe it’s just March.

So for our own form of March Madness, a Spring Fling to get us in the mood, let’s have a Blog Party!!!
Please use the comment box below to tell other bloggers about your blog –
don’t forget to include your blog link!
Tell us something about yourself and/or your blog
and share it so other bloggers will find out about you and everyone else!

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I started this blog for relaxation (although sometimes, especially when WordPress makes changes, relaxation is not the word I use), but now, over 500 posts later, I look at my followers and views with wonder.
As a single mom with Fibromyalgia, raising a child with Autism and other health concerns, relaxation is important because most days I feel like Wile E. Coyote with his tiny umbrella.

I’ve learned a lot, but the best part has been my dear readers.
You make it all worth while.
Finding each other in this giant virtual haystack is astonishing and awesome.
I’d hoped it would also lead to fame and fortune; that part hasn’t panned out, but who knows?
Till then, still broke and just a tad less obscure.1thanks6I’m thankful for all the awards I’ve received, but narrowing down other nominees has become too challenging as I find more and more astonishing bloggers whose insights thrill, stories chill, make me cry, laugh, smile, remember, make me think, wonder, and dream.
I love that you think of me, but my time and energy are limited so I’ll use them by responding to your comments and leaving some on your blogs, Tweeting, Retweeting, and sharing your posts.

I’d like to thank some of my most stalwart supporters, those of you who follow, take the time to press the Like button; who humble me by reblogging; Tweet and Retweet, share on Facebook, Google+, Reddit, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Tumblr and more. I find myself looking forward to your posts, comments, insights, loving your stories, glowing…
I just want to soak them all up.1bean2

So join me here, it’s easy to Follow via email or WordPress
and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/yadadarcyyada

Twitter @yadadarcyyada for some Hashtag parties:
Sundays: #SundayBlogShare @suzie81blog
Mondays: #MondayBlogs @MondayBlogs
Wednesdays: #wwwblogs (Women Writer Wednesdays),
and #BeWoW (Be Wonderful posts on Wednesdays @RonovanWrites)
Saturdays: #ArchiveDay
Any day with compassion: #1000Speak @1000Speak
Weekends: #WeekendBlogHop @WeekendBlogHop
Excellent ways to find posts and bloggers.

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1athank5So thank you all for a memorable time here on this big bouncy web.
Please don’t leave without sharing your blog link and info below,
so other bloggers can find you
and you can find other bloggers.

Keep checking back, who knows how long this party will last?

Posted in Autism, Family, Fibromyalgia, Music, Uncategorized, Zombies

Personal Reasons

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Hmm, TV shows and movies about the coming apocalypse, books about dystopian futures, surrounded by people zombified by technology and cynicism…now, the news that two young men dug a tunnel, man cave or survival, who’s knows, apparently it’s legal, for #PersonalReasons, but it got me thinking how well I’d do during the apocalypse. What about you, dear readers?

  • Where would I keep books? Too heavy to carry and no e-reading.

  • I don’t sleep much (Fibromyalgia), so I could do sentry duty, but don’t have mad weapons skills.

  • Not going to wear a crop top.

  • Don’t like smelly things.

  • Doubt my immune system is up to: terrible hygiene, no running water, rotting stuff, and diseases running amok.

  • Zombies might die out quickly, but aliens  – different story. They came through space, I can barely figure out how to do stuff on my computer most days.

  • I have a child with Autism. How’s that going to work with the Apocalypse? Actually, he’s one of the Nerds, so he’ll probably do ok, they’ve been training for this since the first time they touched a video game controller.

  • I really don’t think I’d like the ickiness of all those zombie bits, alien guts, or demon slime on me all the time.  Whole lot of sticky and not many showers.

  • Who would you converse with? Academics would die first, survivalists can be a tad intense, and the Nerds are busy trying to get a high score, I mean, save the world…1apocalypse3

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So before we get too far into this relationship, I need some space, for Personal Reasons. I’m not ready for a long-term relationship with you, you’re the Apocalypse.

No, I don’t want the mix tape you made me, wait, a mixed tape, really, what year did you start planning the end of days?

  • Tainted Love. How appropriate.

  • Every Breath You Take. Really?

  • 99 Problems. You’re #1.

  • Big Girls Don’t Cry. Haha.

  • Against All Odds. My high school graduation song.

  • Survivor. I’m gonna give up…on you.

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  • Careless Whisper. Oh come on.

  • It Ain’t Me Babe. Yes, it is.

  • Everybody Hurts. Thanks to you.

  • Bad Romance. Definitely.

  • How Come U Don’t Call Me Anymore? The phones don’t work.

  • Live Like You Were Dying…Ok, just to hurry this break-up along, I’ll take the mix, it’ll be the soundtrack of my dystopian future. Not like I can play it anyway.

apocalypse8 This just isn’t the right time for us, Apocalypse. We can still be friends, as long as you don’t keep trying to kill me. I deserve better.