Posted in Movies, Televison, Uncategorized, Zombies

Happy Halloween – Is that a knife in my back or are you just happy to see me?

Posted on by D. Parker

Your day starts off well. It’s Halloween (Happy Halloween!).

Everyone is excited, talking about costumes, candy, going to parties…

But suddenly, you find yourself alone, maybe in the woods, or a cemetery, or another dimension, a hell-spawn universe, basement, attic, abandoned summer camp, alley, decaying amusement park, no matter the location, it’s dark and foggy, silent, scary.

Your plans for picking up pizza before going out to a Halloween party now seem a dream while you’re in a nightmare.

Here are some ways to survive and even thrive what comes next:

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

1.  Do not, I repeat, do not go to “check things out”, you’re better off not knowing.

2.  Don’t call out things like, “Is anyone there?” or “Who’s there?”. You won’t like the answers.

3.  Find a good hiding place. Don’t make a lot of noise – don’t sob loudly or leave your cellphone on (it’s the one time someone will actually  call) and for goodness sake, don’t leave two seconds after the scary goes by. Rest, take stock, and come up with a plan, but not an overly-elaborate Scooby-Doo plan. Shhh!

4.  Don’t depend on someone coming to rescue you, we’ve seen horror movies, there’s a good chance that nice neighbour, helpful police officer, boyfriend, girlfriend, sibling, parent, whoever, is going to get killed trying to help you.

5.  Don’t try to be brave or set traps when confronted by a demon, witch, warlock, ghoul, monster, ghost, alien, vampire, zombie, etc. They’re supernatural, trust, they have the advantage…Run away.

6.  Don’t go all hero and decide you’re going to go and fight the serial killer. He/she is a success story, hence the word, serial in their job title. It usually ends in death, dismemberment, maiming, and/or all of the above.

7.  Don’t let your possessed GPS lead you to places with names like:
Satan’s Kingdom, Transylvania, Bloody Springs, Silent Hill, Helltown, Amityville, Monster, or Bad Axe (really, it’s scary, trust me, I know) and apparently all small towns in New England have an overabundance of spooky and bad things happening in them, go figure.Don’t check into a hotel or motel, even if you’re really tired, don’t have to stay in: The Overlook (all work and no play makes Donna a dull ghoul, all work and no play makes Donna a dull ghoul…), the Bates Motel (you’re clean enough, don’t take a shower), Pinewood Motel, or Motel Hell (the name may be a clue).Stay off streets with names like: Elm Street, Hanging Hill Lane, or Lucifer Dr.Summer camp at Crystal Lake…just no.

8.  If you see a book of spells, a book of the dead, or any literature (even electronic) covered in weird symbols, human flesh, or it’s seeping blood, growling, showing you a gaping abyss to the fiery pits of Hell, I don’t care how bored you are, don’t read it, especially out loud.

9.  If you’re joined by others in this nightmare, stick to them like glue, don’t say things like: “We should separate“ or “You go and check upstairs and I’ll check the basement”. This is not the time to be independent.

10.  A life that has suddenly become a horror film is not the time for: heart-to-heart chats, true confessions, make-out sessions, sex, ‘working things out’, taking a bath, shower, sleeping, arguing, ‘clearing the air’, drugs, and/or drinking – wait until the bad things are gone.

11.  If loved ones or companions start growling, vomiting pea soup, hissing, head-spinning, have glowing eyes, misshapen features, sudden hairiness, get all pretzelly with their bodies, start climbing on the ceiling or floors, have a sudden fascination with blood – this isn’t the time to practice tolerance and acceptance – run!

12.  Receive a fancy invite to a spooky mansion for a party, inheritance, game, challenge? Don’t go, really, even if it seems cool, or lucrative, skip it (you’ll thank me later and by that I mean you’ll be alive to thank me later).

13.  So you think you’ve triumphed and killed your zombie, monster, serial killer, etc., that’s awesome, pat yourself on the back, just don’t go closer to check if it’s really dead (it isn’t).

14.  I know they’ve told us puzzles are good for our brain, will stop Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc. but that won’t be your worst problem if one of those puzzles opens a portal to Hell, or looses demons upon the world, bringing about the End of Days, etc. Stick to crosswords, Sudoku, Find-A-Word.

15.  It’s nice to be good at something but even if you’re really good, like genius-level good, don’t play with recombinant DNA, especially if you’re really good at it.

16.  Deserted town? Leave. Leave quickly. But first, listen to the old crazy who tells you there’s a curse, or alien invasion, or possession – he’s the last one alive, he knows stuff.

17.  Don’t borrow or steal from the dead. Don’t wake the dead. Don’t try to talk to the dead even if you think they might have helpful information. Don’t even think about the dead. Just concentrate on living.

18.  If your children, pets, parents, co-workers, friends, etc. start speaking to you in Latin, or ancient Babylonian, or some alien language or they try to get you to kick a football, it’s time to run and get help (psst, they’re going to move the football).

19.  Don’t fall asleep (I got this one covered).

20.  Don’t go to the authorities, they’re probably already altered in some way, or they won’t believe you, or you’ll get them killed, maybe all three.

21.  If something or someone is after you, run, cycle, or take a bus. Not only are they more environmentally-friendly, but your car, normally reliable, is now in  horror movie or nightmare scenario, this time it won’t start, or it will take you a really long time to start. That taxi you call? The driver will be possessed or have an alien attached to his face. Uber, sure, but your driver will be a ghost or a deranged lunatic (hard to tell if that’s a horror thing or just, well, you know), or something really, really bad.

22.  On an alien planet, Hellplain (Hellplane?), or Earth, stay away from: giant eggs, pods, glowing things, ooze, goo of any kind, furniture that moves on its own, scary clowns (with or without red balloons), TVs that lead to other worlds, hockey masks, machetes, chain saws, cabins, creatures, etc. Don’t wander around on your own or go looking for someone.

23. Don’t assume you’re the “Final Girl”, or some other horror movie troupe. Assume you’re the one that gets killed in the first 5 minutes and try to change that.

24. Let’s say you’ve read too many erotic paranormal novels (How many is too many? Asking for a friend.), watched too much “Twilight” or “Buffy”or whatever and you think you’re gonna hook up with some sexy vampire, demon, werewolf…Even if your milkshake brings all the ghouls to the yard, then what, you gonna strike a pose, hand on hip, duck lips out and take a selfie while doing your best Mae West impression, “Is that a knife in my back or are you just happy to see me?”.A supernatural romantic rendezvous is only sexy in movies/TV shows/books because you can’t smell the sulfur, dried blood, and pure evil.

Take a ‘Calamity Cosmo’ quiz – seductive supernaturals are strictly wham-bam-now-you’re-damned-ma’am.

Remember, dating a serial killer is a relationship killer.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/03/20/25-ways-to-stay-alive-in-a-horror-movie/

25. You suddenly appear in your home, you think you’re safe, but then you remember, I found out about this place from a flaming note and I only paid with my signature in my blood.

Yup, your house is probably built on an old cemetery, ancient burial ground, where they use to perform rituals or sacrifices, or some other bad stuff, you’re still not safe, cut your losses, or get a really good supernatural real estate agent. And you may or may have sold your soul. Only time will tell. But it’s a great neighbourhood, close to a school, a ghoul, and a swimming pool (full of skeletons).

Most important? Good shoes. No heels, slippery soles, or untied laces. You’ll still fall (tripping over nothing) as you’re being chased, but your odds are better if you have good shoes.

Good luck…and I hope this never happens to you, but if it does, now you know what to do and what not to do!

Happy Halloween 2019!

Author:

Very me

100 thoughts on “Happy Halloween – Is that a knife in my back or are you just happy to see me?”

  3. Ah, the little white dog with the black cat behind it, i love that photo as a matter of fact he is on my computer. I send it to people that like “animals” …. for especially Halloween. Yes, the black cat looks like my last one Venus and she was just as sneaky. With my screen name is it odd that I had a black cat. Who knows. Such good advice you give out for what to look for. I will take it to heart, if mine is still with me after Halloween!!

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to drop by and I hope you survive and thrive, not only through Halloween but all time! Hope the week ahead is filled with treats and no tricks. 🙂

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  4. Welcome back Donna and Happy Halloween to you.
    I hope, that you get to write some books, I think, that your imagination would be great for that.
    I don’t celebrate Halloween and find that very good 🙂

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    1. Thank you kindly, it always feels like coming home when I’m back. Thank you, I’m trying but life is being very lifey and getting in the way, but I am doing another blog for a Fibromyalgia group and a few other things so I’ve been keeping busy.
      Thank you for taking the time to drop by and for spreading the bloglove. Hope this week treats you well. 🙂

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      Reply
  9. Pingback: FEATURED: Happy Halloween – Is that a knife in my back or are you just happy to see me? // yadadarcy yada #Donnamazing | Ace Social News Desk

    1. Thank you so much for spreading the bloglove, Ian, that’s dreadfully kind of you. Hope this week is treating (not tricking) you well and Happy Halloween 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

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    1. Thank you for your frightfully kind words and for the dreadfully wonderful reblog!
      Hope this week treats (not tricks) you well and most of all, Happy Halloween! 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

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    1. This is the kind of advice I really hope you never ever need, but hope for the best, prepare for the worst. 😉
      Hope this week treats (not tricks) you well and Happy Halloween! Stay safe! 🎃

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    1. Is there something you’d like to tell us, dear David? lol 😉
      No wonder you’re always so kind, you’re luring us in…Nah, I’ll never believe it or should I?
      Hope this week treats (not tricks) you kindly dear friend.
      Massive the Happiest of Happy Halloweens 🎃🎃🎃🎃 hugs xoxoxoxoxox

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    1. It’s true, but I guess it would be a short movie and not as popular if they did all “safe stuff” and we do enjoy trying to help them. 😉
      Thanks for dropping by, hope this week treats (not tricks) you kindly and of course, don’t go down to the basement – Happy Halloween! 🎃

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    1. And I hope you never ever ever need to know but better safe than sorry. 😉
      Thanks for dropping by and sharing the fun with me.
      Hope this week treats (not tricks) you well and Hppy Halloween (stay safe!)!!!! 🎃🎃🎃🎃

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    1. Yes or as I call that day, 50% off chocolate day! lol 😉 Yes, I have a problem. 🙂
      I hope it helps but better yet you never need the info.
      Hope this week is being good to you and Happy Halloween! 🎃

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      1. I always thought 50% of Chocolate day was February 15th – :D. 80-90% off can sometimes be had about a week after Christmas, IF you’re aren’t picky about what is left – – LOL – Happy All Hallows Eve and All Saints Day and All Souls Day – – then we can rest a bit before giving Thanks, scoring deals, to gift and be grateful for the season and ring in the new year – – After all this flurry, some discount chocolate in February and otherwise, just a blank spot on the calendar (nap time) until we can stretch and lean towards the sun in anticipation of spring break, chocolate bunnies on sale and putting out the cute garden fairies we go for 80% off last October – when we were SUPPOSED to be buying full priced candy…..:D

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      2. There are so many ways and days for discounted chocolate which somehow tastes better (go figure!), but really every day is chocolate day. lol 😉
        Whatever today brings, I hope it brings you joy (and chocolate, oh wait, I already said joy). 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Debby and thanks for spreading the bloglove with the great RT! 🙂
      Hope this week is treating (not tricking) you kindly. Happy Halloween (as only Canada can do it eh). 🙂

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    1. I know but as you’re watching it you just wish you could jump into the screen and tell them how not to get killed. lol 😉
      Hope this week is being good to you so far and Happy Halloween! 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

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  24. Just got over my seizure after viewing the post today with all the flashing. Should have started with a warning! Glad I saved you until last. Forgot most of what I wanted to say. “Don’t get naked. That is when the monsters attack! And never take a shortcut driving to your destination, as you will never get there!” 😻

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    1. Shortcuts are often bad but there’s a clue in the name…cuts. 😉
      You should have seen some of the gifs I was going to use lol 😉
      Hope this day is treating (not tricking) you kindly and Happy Halloween. 🙂

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    1. Stop, you’ll make me cry. I’m sorry I’ve been inconstant of late, dear friend, I’ve been doing several new treatments for my health, plus working with a Fibromyalgia group (I’m sure you can see my fingerprints all over this blog https://fibrolondongroup.ca/ lol) and aggressively simplifying my life and it’s all taken a toll on me, but I’m clawing my way back up and I’m going to try harder to be more consistent. I thank you all for your kindness, patience and support, I’m so lucky to have you all in my life, I never want to take you for granted. 🙂
      I see you have been very busy, dearest Teagan and we are all the better for it. You’re the bee’s knees, kiddo, the elephant’s ears and I thank my lucky stars the day we found each other in this tangled web. 🙂
      Mega I hope you never need this advice in the post and I hope you find much joy (much deserved joy) each and every day hugs xoxoxoxox

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    1. Hopefully all the scary will stay on the scream, er, screen for you.
      It’s a great party and always glad to meet awesome bloggers there!!! 🙂
      Hope this weekend treats you kindly. 🙂

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  33. As it’s Bonfire Night, I’m clearly late to this party – and I survived by drawing the curtains and ignoring all the Trick or Treating going on outside. To be fair, I don’t think there was all that much action in our neighbourhood… Lovely, lovely post:))

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    1. What?!? Thank you. I can’t believe it. Everyone at #trafficjamweekend is so awesome, I can’t believe the joy you all bring to us week after week after week. Thank you doesn’t quite cut it, but from the top and bottom of my heart, thank you. 🙂
      Hope this weekend treats you all kindly. 🙂

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  36. Pingback: Black Gold Business Club Mix & Mingle - DelBlogger

    1. I’m drooling at the clothes and the good times! Awesome!
      And thank you, Antionette and everyone at #trafficjamweekend – I promise to be back very soon but right now I feel like one of those red circles going round and round on a screen. 😉
      Thank you all for everything you do for bloggers!!!
      Hope the week ahead treats you kindly. 🙂

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