Posted in Books, motivational, satire

How To Be A Bestselling Author in 3 Days or Less

Posted on by D. Parker

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

There’s a lot of noise out there about how to write a bestseller.

Why don’t we break it down.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Let’s simplify the process and get you to bestseller status in 3 days or less!

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

1. Write a book.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Use as many words as you think you need.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Plots are plots (it’s all been done/redone/overdone; characters are key).

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Use a computer…

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

typewriter…

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

pencil or pen…

None of it means anything if you don’t use your heart.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

2. Edit.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Do not try this at home.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Being your own editor is like trying to cure your own cancer.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Don’t mistake skill or intent for reality.

A friend, family member, professional editor, a dog or cat (if the communication is clear) – anyone (and I mean anyone) but you, unless you have special skills.

3. Get published.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/
Big fancy publisher, self-publishing, blog it in serialized form, print them out and hand them to the masses on a street corner, just get it out there. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/06/21/how-to-get-your-book-published/

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

4. Do a book tour.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/
Sign books, shake hands, meet your fans, hope they don’t want to steal your kidney as a prize.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

5. Become rich and famous.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Yes, become so rich and famous you’ll forget all the hard work…

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

all the anxiety, rejection, doubt, derision.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Don’t forget not to be a scummy rich and famous person.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

6. If 1-5 don’t happen, no worries.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/
No one wants to publish my should-be bestsellers (https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/03/25/welcome-to-your-life/),

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

but don’t stop me now (https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/02/06/dont-stop-me-now/)!

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

I’m going to keep on writing, reading, researching, submitting, getting rejected, being ignored, and only slightly feeling the stings of all the subtle and not-so-subtle scoffing and mocking.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Repeat again and again.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/Why? I have to get it all out of my head.

As for would-be authors of a ‘certain age’, don’t despair, many famous authors didn’t kick-start their written legacy until later in life, not always for lack of trying:

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/J.R.R. Tolkien, Mark Twain, Toni Morrison, Anna Sewell, Bram Stoker,

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Alex Haley, Charles Bukowski, Laura Ingalls Wilder, William S. Burroughs, 

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Raymond Chandler, Frank McCourt, Marquis de Sade (don’t be that guy).

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Even J.K. Rowling and Dr. Seuss

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

weren’t spring chickens…oh the places you’ll go (er, Hogwarts?).

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

My point? 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years or 30…Write, draw, sing, dance, sculpt, design video games, whatever, creativity doesn’t come with an expiry date, a time stamp – as long as you live you can create.

https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/

Author:

Very me

150 thoughts on “How To Be A Bestselling Author in 3 Days or Less”

    1. You should be, have you pitched Contract, My Girl, His Revenge, etc. to Netflix yet? I’d love to see them translated onto the screen, until then, I’ll keep reading and you’re know, John, you’re know. 🙂
      Hope the week ahead treats you kindly and keep writing into the 100s and beyond! :0

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

    1. Cats are like that, but really, when was the last time they wrote a book? It could be a cat-astrophe or purrfect. The again, cats probably have a lot of tails to tell in those 9 lives. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. All kidding aside, we know what we meant to write to we can’t always see what we did write or should have written.
      I could paper walls, I see them as a badge of honour, after all, I tried. 😉
      Hope the week ahead treats you kindly, dear Jan. 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  7. Pingback: How To Be A Bestselling Author in 3 Days or Less // yadadarcyyada #Donnamazing #AceSocialMediaDesk reports | Ace Social News Desk

    1. Thank you so much for the awesome reblog, dear Ian. 🙂
      I hope this summer is treating you well so far, dealing with all the heat is trying, for sure. 🙂
      Wishing you all the best in the hours, days, weeks, months and years ahead, in other words, always. 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  8. Thanks for the push forward, Donna! After two years in the doldrums, I’m finally working on my next writing project, but I’m not out of the sludge yet.

    Always a delight to hear from you. I wish you well with your own writing projects 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I know just how you feel, I often feel like I’m wading through a tar pit with the writing, but hey, I’ll put on my tar pit shoes (that should be a real thing) and slog through it to the green grass. 🙂
      Best wishes for your future works, dear Rosaliene, keeping pushing through. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  9. If your first name was Dorothy instead of Donna, you WOULD be a bestselling author…but you’d also be long dead, so count your blessings, if not your money. Even better, count your laughs, because you’re rich in generating them….which just made me realize that you should never marry a Mr. Generate unless you want to become a D. Generate.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. I’ve adored Dorothy Parker since I was young and while I may never achieve her author status I won’t have her liver either (before death). I do count my laughs each day in the mirror, I may never be rich and famous, but I’ll go to my end with plenty of laugh lines and if I can give some to others, I’m richer than I think. 🙂
      lol I love that, D. Generate! I may use that as a pseudonym! That’s awesome!
      Thank you for dropping by and for all the laughs, my lines thank you. 🙂
      Hope this week and all others are filled with laughter, love, and more laughter. 🙂

      Like

      Reply

    1. Thank you so much, you’re too kind, love yours too and if it says I’ve unfollowed you, I haven’t, I keep pressing Follow and Like and they disappear, not just yours and I’m not the only one, but I’ll still keep pressing Follow over and over and over again! 🙂
      Best wishes for today, hopefully a day full of love, laughter, and peace (and no unfollowing by WordPress). 🙂

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      Reply

    1. You dear David might be the exception to that rule, but we can’t depend on being you, there is only one you (more’s the pity). 🙂
      Massive you can be anything you want to be dear friend hugs xoxoxox

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    1. Thank you so much for the awesome reblog and your general awesomeness! 🙂
      Hope this week is treating you well so far and the rest of it is full of peace, love and understanding. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Me too and me too. 🙂
      Hope the week ahead is full of writing, laughter, love, more writing and peace (and more writing).
      And remember, we’re like a fine wine getting better with age, or feeling better about our age with lots of wine. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Sadly I know, I’m thinking of papering my walls with rejection letters but sometimes they don’t even bother to send those. You are the inspiration for the posts, those who get out there and write and get your words out to one and hopefully all despite the trials and tribulations. Thank you for the inspiration, Jack. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  15. Two birds with one stone: humor and encouragement in one package!
    I think I love this line the best: “Don’t mistake skill or intent for reality.” Such good advice, lol !!!
    Thank you, Donna.
    Stacey

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  16. I made a tongue-in-cheek comment yesterday, but I don’t see it today, so I’ll pay it lip service by asking if it got sidetracked into your SPAM folder? If so, would you kindly let me know? Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. Amen sister! Also add…print out copies of your book(s) and give them to family and friends. Don’t wait until you find a publisher. You might as well be waiting for the next shuttle to Mars. Write a series and see if your family and friends beg you for more. If they don’t, give them more anyway! Let the words flow!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you kindly. So glad we found each other in this tangled web, hope to virtually visit often (though you know all about actual visits/travel, clearly). 🙂

      Like

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    1. Thank you kindly, dear Kathleen, not only for your generous words, but for another feature (I’m spoiled, please continue lol) and mostly for all the work you and the other amazing members of #BloggersPitStop do each and every week, I really have no idea how you do it, but sincerely, thank you. It’s difficult for bloggers to find each other in this tangled web but you bring us together, give us a place to rest, find friends, find truth and knowledge, fun and laughter, hope and heart. 🙂
      Wishing the best, always. 🙂

      Like

      Reply

    1. Awww, thank you, Rob, you’d recognize the sharp and to the point, wouldn’t you? 🙂
      Thank you so much for the lovely reblog, dear friend and the kind words, both are appreciated more than you know. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      6. I feel like it’s so much about people not wanting to admit they were wrong or that they were scammed, when the truth is, it happens to all of us at one time or another. Be wrong and learn from it instead of doubling tripling and billioning down on stupidity and lies and excuses.

        Liked by 2 people

      7. The thought that the government of the United States was infiltrated and successfully attacked by a foreign power from is completely at odds with the myth of our invulnerability (Superman) and our naive belief that everyone born ‘American has at his or her core a sense of decency and moral obligation. To accept the reality that trump is an illegitimate president placed in power by a foreign adversary with the help of an infiltrated and corrupt GOP is mind boggling to even the most Progressive democrat.

        The idea that there is no low to low for Evangelicals in their lust for the power to dictate how Americans live their lives.

        It is shocking to discover that these ‘people of no-faith are as amoral as their corrupt president who stands credibly accused of raping a woman when she was 12.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Denial is a strong power, it’s a shield some people hold in front of them because they don’t want to face pain, shame, etc. yet if you don’t face it, you can’t overcome it.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Cry havoc and let slip the pens of writing! 😉
      But seriously, thank you, dear Rob, for all your kindness, you make me want to be a better writer (and person). 😉
      Thanks for the reblog and the delightful words.
      Hope the week treats you well, full of peace, love and understanding (and no orange intrusions). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  25. This struck my brain re: your post:

    I saw them, live, in San Diego, when I was relatively young. Everyone was blown away by all of them, but is was before the current renaissance.
    So, Rob, Freddie says, Don’t stop now!
    I know you won’t and I love you for it.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  26. Well then… I guess my stuff sucks along with my 20+ year editorial career. Thanks for trying to end on an encouraging note.
    Ray Bradbury kept his rejection papers to cover his office walls. That kind of determination is amazing. Keep the faith, my friend. Hugs on the wing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I know there are exceptions to the rule, dear Teagan, but generally most people are terrible editors and I don’t want to encourage people thinking they’re the exception rather than the rule. The whole post in tongue-in-cheek, I was an editor for years but when I try to edit my own stuff, like most people I know what I want to say so I don’t always see what I have said, aka I am the rule not the exception. lol 😉
      I’ve thought about doing that too, but most don’t even bother sending rejection letters (how rude) to use as paper, then again, maybe they’re saving the planet as well as saving the readers (from me). 😉
      I’ll keep going, dearest friend, and you keep being exceptional in so many ways. 🙂
      Mega “A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.” ~Richard Bach hugs xoxoxoxox

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      Reply

  27. This is fun, and it is exactly the way you describe it. Just do it.
    BTW, I know a person who started to write her first book 20 years ago. She is still writing the same book which grew to be a 6 volumes book. 😱Whatever strikes her fancy. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. It’s totally the thought that counts, Sean and I thank you kindly for the thought (and deed). 🙂
      Glad I could tickle your funny bone, that’s way better than hitting it which hurts and isn’t funny at all. 😉
      Hope today and every single day is filled with peace, love, laughter and understanding. 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  30. Great advice and the pictures are funny. Everybody wants to be a best seller in three days. The reality is that if you are not already a famous person you might not be popular. But, we cannot give up.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  32. Pingback: Blogger's Pit Stop #181 ~ The Blogger's Lifestyle

    1. Every single time I think #BloggersPitStop can’t get any better, it does and this week I’m honoured to be one of the fantastic features here, thank you all so much. And thank you all for helping connect bloggers, it’s a tangled web out there and to find a place to stop and rest, to connect with other bloggers, and to find tips, tricks, truth, and talent all in one place is a gift. I have no clue how you all do this week after week after week, tirelessly helping other bloggers connect, but I thank you and hope you keep on doing it.
      Dear Kathleen, I hope the week ahead is filled with the wonders of peace, love, laughter and understanding. 🙂

      Like

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  33. Pingback: Blogger's Pit Stop #181 - from This Autoimmune Life

    1. Every single time I think #BloggersPitStop can’t get any better, it does and this week I’m honoured to be one of the fantastic features here, thank you all so much. And thank you all for helping connect bloggers, it’s a tangled web out there and to find a place to stop and rest, to connect with other bloggers, and to find tips, tricks, truth, and talent all in one place is a gift. I have no clue how you all do this week after week after week, tirelessly helping other bloggers connect, but I thank you and hope you keep on doing it.
      Hope the week ahead is filled with the wonders of peace, love, laughter and understanding. 🙂
      Big bloggy hugs xox

      Like

      Reply
  34. Pingback: Author Inspiration and This Week’s Writing Links – Staci Troilo

    1. Staci, I feel like a wilting flower but your week has inspired me and with all these amazing links to visit, I needed some boosting, thank you.
      And thank you so much for including my link, https://yadadarcyyada.com/2019/07/07/how-to-be-a-bestselling-author-in-3-days-or-less/ I hope despite it’s tongue-in-cheek style people felt the hope vibe I was sending out. 🙂
      Hope the next week is as productive as the last and also filled with peace, love, laughter and understanding.
      Thank you kindly for including me, I’m in fantastic company!

      Like

      Reply
  36. Pingback: #181 Blogger's Pit Stop - Ask Dr. Ho

    1. Every single time I think #BloggersPitStop can’t get any better, it does and this week I’m honoured to be one of the fantastic features here, thank you all so much. And thank you all for helping connect bloggers, it’s a tangled web out there and to find a place to stop and rest, to connect with other bloggers, and to find tips, tricks, truth, and talent all in one place is a gift. I have no clue how you all do this week after week after week, tirelessly helping other bloggers connect, but I thank you and hope you keep on doing it.
      Hope the week ahead is filled with the wonders of peace, love, laughter and understanding. 🙂
      Big bloggy hugs xox

      Like

      Reply

  37. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord Blog Magazine and commented:
    This hit my funny bone, my wish bone, and my backside all in one glorious montage of gifs and words of wisdom and wit..Donna Parker hits several nails on the head with How to be a Bestselling author in 3 days or less. After 20 years I have come to the conclusion that the planets, stars have to be aligned along with perseverance, a thick skin, unlimited optimism, hard work, and a touch of delusion. I keep going despite the prospect of sitting on Oprah or Graham Norton’s couch discussing my bestseller dimming. At the end of the day I have decided the money would be great but being read and enjoyed is a definite plus. Thank you Donna for brightening the week and if you are reading this Oprah or Graham.. I am available anytime….

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Your words are as inspirational as your deeds, dear Sally, you keep on going, sharing yourself with the world through books, blogging and helping connect bloggers and authors and others. Thank you.
      You made me giggle with, “that the planets, stars have to be aligned along with perseverance, a thick skin, unlimited optimism, hard work, and a touch of delusion”, whether published or not, that is the writer’s lot, isn’t it?
      Thank you not only for the fantastic reblog but the amazing intro, once again, I understand completely why so many flock to you, you are legendary. 🙂
      Hope the week ahead is filled with peace, love laughter and understanding, dear friend. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. The great thing Donna is that one is not alone with the glory of being a writer… it is a glorious community all thinking outside the box.. something you are a genius at. You get us all working our brain cells in a different way.. so the feeling is mutual.. have a stunning week and see you on Oprah’s sofa.. I hear she gives the odd car away.. that woud be something at least.. love and hugs ♥

        Liked by 1 person

  38. Thanks for this amusing and encouraging look at writing a bestseller. I really liked what you said about some writers who don’t really see their careers pick up until they are much older.

    In the meantime, let’s toast you and your beautiful writing. *clink!*

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  41. Well, at least you didn’t downplay any subject )like trains) If I were to do it again, I’d follow Lahel Chini, how she marketed her book, CLIMBING OVER GRIT…see at her blog…A Voice from Iran! BUT…I’m happy on line—here!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Trains are awesome, if I could I’d live on one, but I’d want one of those old-timey sleeping care from ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ or something lol 😉
      Thank you kindly, Jonathan, for the lovely reblog and the wise words. 🙂
      Hope this weekend is treating you well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. I once had the opportunity to reside in a caboose—ONCE I had a job, restored it myself, AND then…..! I was happy for about 2 seconds, until I realized a decent job was what I couldn’t find! BLAMMO! there went that dream! As for the wish to live in a train station—never stayed in one place long enough!

        Like

  44. Creative people are driven to create . . . it’s a reward in itself. You’re right, plots are plots, there are no new ideas, the characters make the story. Keep going, it’s all we can do.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. It’s so hard to find each other in this giant virtual haystack, but here we are and hope we can virtually visit often. Loved, loved, loved, your site, now following you all over the place but in a totally non-stalkery way and shared a bunch of your stuff. So very glad we found each other in this tangled web. Hope this weekend treats you kindly. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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