We’ll Cream You With Our Tim Hortons Donuts, You Hosers!

What is the deal, America?
I thought we had an agreement.
We Canadians have tried to be polite neighbours; we’re kinda known for it.

I feel kinda let down. Canada has kept our part of the bargain, regularly offering up sacrificial talent to the USA volcano: Michael J. Fox, Ryan Reynolds, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, Mike Myers, William Shatner https://yadadarcyyada.com/2013/10/20/shatners-world-we-just-live-in-it/

Tricia Helfer, Alex Trebek, Lorne Michaels, Michael Bublé, Mary Pickford (yes, American’s sweetheart was Canadian), James Doohan, Elizabeth Arden, Joni Mitchell, Arcade Fire, Sandra Oh, Monty Hall, Michael Cera, Tommy Chong, Nathan Fillion https://yadadarcyyada.com/2013/10/24/firefly/

Dave Foley, Yannick Bisson, Cobi Smulders, Wayne Gretzky, The Tragically Hip, Leslie Neilsen https://yadadarcyyada.com/2013/11/04/airplane/ Rick Moranis, Seth Rogen, Neil Young, Margaret Atwood, Martin Short, Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne, Peter Jennings, Rich Little, Morley Safer, Barenaked Ladies, Fay Wray…

Eugene Levy, Carrie-Ann Moss, Frank Gehry, Drake, Ryan Gosling https://yadadarcyyada.com/2017/03/09/heres-to-the-ones-who-dream/ Shania Twain, Joshua Jackson, Eric McCormack, Neve Campbell, Kiefer Sutherland, Donald Sutherland, Brendan Fehr, Joe Shuster, Margot Kidder…

Celine Dion, Glenn Ford, Ellen Page, Andrea Martin, Pamela Anderson, Catherine O’Hara, Leonard Cohen https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/10/10/ive-told-the-truth-i-didnt-come-to-fool-you/ Lorne Greene, John Candy, Will Arnett, BTO, Trailer Park Boys, The Guess Who, James Cameron, Dave Thomas, Paul Gross, and more…

Now we’re going to war? Over wood and dairy? Really?

Canadians forced to don our uniforms of toques and parkas, eh, and hoard rations of maple syrup, poutine, butter tarts, and beer for the battles! Ski-Doo Fleets! Canoe Armadas! We’ll cream you with our Tim Hortons donuts, you hosers!

 Speak truth to power, tell the Emperor he’s not wearing any clothes, Oh Lord, I feel like scrubbing my mind of that horrifying orange image. How can you trust a guy that says he’s gonna pull out then doesn’t? Obviously talking about Trump pulling out of NAFTA here.

Fighting with both your neighbours, Canada and Mexico, America, who’s the problem child? https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/07/04/happy-4th-of-july/

Canada isn’t known as the 51st state for nothing. Canada and America are BFFs, I thought it would be easier…to stay friends, well, except throwing shade during that nasty little war over 200 years ago, but Canada wasn’t even a country then, we’re only turning 150 this July 1st – Happy Birthday Canada! https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/07/01/happy-canada-day-eh/

Maybe you’d like us more if we added yet another Canadian superhero, say, to The Avengers?  https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/05/02/the-avengers-age-of-oldtron/
How about Captain Concussion, a hockey player caught in a Gamma radiation blast from an experimental Zamboni (a real word, say it a few times, it’s fun).

Captain Concussion could use his superpowers to fight Iced Z, the Zamboni driver who got turned into an arch-villain during the blast and bring awareness to concussions. Stan Lee could show up selling beer and snacks at the hockey games. And we’ve got some groovy 70’s music too, how about a StarCanuckLord in the next Guardians of the Galaxy movie?

Come on, we’re trying, we elected a moderate-yoga-posing-legalizing-marijuana- -nonorange-hot Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau (not perfect, but seems like he’s actually part of the human race).

But it’s not enough, is it, America, I know, Blame Canada, we’re not a real country anyway (thanks South Park).

And France, you too? I gave you a pass on escargot, but frog legs – please, I’m a Kermit fan https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/09/17/on-the-right-track-muppets-they-were-sewn-that-way/.

French is one of Canada’s official languages, some facsimile of English is the other. We have a whole French province, we love French Toast, French Fries, French cheese, Lord knows we drink more than our share of French wine…

France, you have the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, Johnny Depp drinking living there (is there really another Pirates of the Caribbean movie, talk about not pulling out in time).

Please don’t let Russia/Putin control your election like it did with the #Election2016 and #Brexit – aren’t you kinda notorious for revolutions against tyrants?

The same goes for upcoming elections in other countries, ie. Britain – you’ve given us so much, where would I start? Music, Monty Python, Doctor Who, Jane Austen, Star Wars filming there (May the Fourth be with you https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/05/04/may-the-4th-be-with-you/)…

We still accept endless visits from Prince Charles/Camilla when you know some prefer Kate Middleton, Prince William, Princess Charlotte, Prince George, and Prince Harry. We still have the Queen on our money.

Germany – Albert Einstein https://yadadarcyyada.com/2013/10/02/iq/      https://yadadarcyyada.com/2014/04/05/overwhelmed/  beer, Bach, bratwurst, Christmas trees, U2’s unhealthy obsession with Berlin, Beethoven…

New Zealand – Lord of the Rings and Flight of the Conchords, say no more. https://yadadarcyyada.com/2013/10/10/flight-of-the-conchords/

This hating on Canada by The White House will have ramifications for many. In Canada, we already pay more for most stuff than Americans do; now our dollar shrank, meaning we’ll pay even more for books (noooo!), food, shelter, clothes, medicine, and even, gasp, chocolate.

Canadians are, er, unique…

But America, won’t you please, please won’t you be my good neighbour again? I miss you. A lot.