Posted in Blogs, Books, Canada, Food, Movies, Music, Star Wars, Televison, Uncategorized

Go Home Star Wars You’re Drunk

Posted on by D. Parker

1starwars43Regrets
I’ve had a few,
then again
too few
to mention.

So what if
my life is riddled
with plot holes
and logical gaps?

I have flaws and quirks (I say adorable, some may beg to differ).
I’m thoughtful and thoughtless.
Brilliant and oh so dumb, sometimes astonishingly, at the same time.
I’m a gloriously human jumble.

So why do we expect our entertainment to be perfect when we aren’t? As humans, we get caught up in things, even now, computers are galactically buzzing about the new Star Wars, loving it, trashing it, or both, and it hasn’t even hit theaters yet. I admit, my unease intensifies as The Force Awakens.

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There were times, I’m sure you knew, when I bit off more than I could chew-ie and I didn’t want to become blaster fodder. And Disney buying Star Wars made my complicated relationship go full Death Star explosion (scared of it I am). But Star Wars On Trial looked interesting, so I let the tractor beam pull me in (that’s no moon, that’s a blog post!).

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I consider myself an intelligent viewer (is that an oxymoron?), so I selected the 8th charge against the accused iconic franchise, The Plot Holes and Logical Gaps in Star Wars Make It Ill-Suited for An Intelligent Viewer.

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I agree, sometimes watching these movies, I just want to say, go home Star Wars you’re drunk, but I believe those who consume the story are culpable, not the storyteller.

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Upon first review of the charges, perhaps it does seem like only morons would enjoy movies like Star Wars – I’m paraphrasing, the witnesses for prosecution, Nick Mamatas and defense, Don DeBrandt were actually quite witty and eloquent. Star Wars certainly did it all and not in a shy way, oh no, let the record show George Lucas took the blows, and did it his way.

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I’ll state my case, of which I’m sorta certain, the details of the story aren’t nearly as important as the story itself. Why? Because we are the story.

  • We are Yoda, who trained Luke (more or less), but once said Anakin was too old to train, back in the days of surplus Jedi.

  • We are Obi-Wan Kenobi, I mean, Ben Kenobi hiding Luke Skywalker in plain sight, on a barren planet where most everything wants to kill him – guess we know who the favoured child was.

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  • We are Darth Vader (really, you didn’t recognize your own kids?), Han Solo, Amidala, Picard, The Avengers, The Doctor, Sherlock, Buffy, Leia, Luke (ewww, dude, you kissed your sister), The Lorax, Bugs Bunny, Scarlett O’Hara, Rick Grimes (You think it’s a plot hole, but it ain’t!), Rocky, Capt. Jack, Batman, Frodo, C-3PO, Scully, Mulder, Scrooge, Kirk, James Bond, Edward Scissorhands, Simpsons, Reddington (The Blacklist is a logical gap, who cares, watching James Spader read menus would be entertaining),

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  • Chewie, Daryl Dixon, Darcy, Katniss, Joker, Boo Radley (having a moment), The Griffins, Keyser Söze, Willy Wonka, Don Draper, Bridget Jones, Charlie Brown, Harry Potter, Walter White, Spock, R2-D2 (the real hero of SW) and more…

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No spoilers, I enjoyed all the sci-fi and fantasy authors, including, but not limited to David Brin and Matthew Woodring Stover who diligently prosecuted and defended the idolized, intriguing, yet infuriating series while the Droid Judge (This isn’t the Droid Judge you’re looking for) attempted to keep order.

Star Wars, innocent, guilty, or just in the wrong place at the right time, you decide, vote at http://www.smartpopbooks.com/star-wars-verdict/ or www.BenBellaBooks.com

And enter to win a free copy of Star Wars on Trial from BenBella Books (Canada or U.S only). In the comment box below, tell me your most hated or loved plot hole or logical gap (any book, movie, TV show, or life). Notification via droid (or me) November 15, 2015 – all contact will be confidential.

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I would say life isn’t logical. How could it be when we live it on a baffling blue ball twirling in space like a tattered ballerina in a vintage music box?

Stories are told by humans and therefore, delightfully flawed.

Think of it like extra cheese on lasagna, yes, it’s irrelevant, but does that mean it shouldn’t have happened? Life is messy. Take a bite.

 And Star Wars has Muppets…isn’t that enough?

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 Your true destiny? To always…do it your way.

May The Force Be With You1starwars76

Author:

Very me

143 thoughts on “Go Home Star Wars You’re Drunk”

  1. Loved this and despite never having seen any Star Wars film, got most of the references which shows how deeply embedded in our culture that funny wee creature which speaks backwards is! 🙂
    Am I the only person on the planet who hasn’t seen Star Wars?

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      5. They are more frightening than what they showed in the movies…arrg.
        Can’t wait to the next movie….hopefully it has not been too hyped and it lives to it’s reputation. All that science and technology.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. OMG. ..Sinatra was Darth Vader and the rat pack were dark lords? At least Star Trek is pure. Maybe not. We live abbreviated lives. Plot holes fit because we don’t care about details if the special effects are good! If guilty only part of vicarious liability. Everyone else did it too. 😀

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    1. You know it, they faced it all and took the fall. 😉
      Star Trek is a whole other thing, at least the original series and bits and pieces of others and movies.
      Don’t know how well your defense will work, but I have to wholeheartedly agree anyway!
      Hope this day is treating you well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  4. Donna, this is absolutely stellar — as of course your posts always are. ⭐
    And I totally agree that watching James Spader read menus would be entertaining… 😀
    You are right — we are all of those characters. All of us. Each one.
    Wishing you a thriving Thursday my friend (and since you often ask for a link…) https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/more-knowledge-teagan-geneviene?trk=hp-feed-article-title-publish
    Mega hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Awww, thank you kindly, Teagan, you’re always so wonderful! 🙂
      Yes, I think James Spader should do that and post it online – I’d view it once (a million times). 😉
      We are all those and more, we are the story. 🙂
      Oooh, thank you Teagan, hope people follow and follow. 😉
      Hope this day treats you well, dear one. Megahugs! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  5. I have to admit- I do like the original three, but found the prequels completely unwatchable. And I’d say I’m pretty open to most of the standards of geek moviedom- so that’s saying something. I’m looking forward to this one- because Indy-I-mean-Han is pretty awesome, and Leia always kicks butt.

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    1. I think Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamil are the reasons I’m giving this one a shot at all.
      4-6 (still with some what? moments) were amazing, 1-3 had too many what? moments. 😉

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  6. I’m prepared to suspend my concept of reality for the sake of decent entertainment. Just don’t insult me with lame acting and a lame story. Call me a geek – I loved Star Wars.

    … but then again I would watch anything with Harrison Ford 😉 Hans Solo, my favourite character … a genius of comedic drama. Or is it dramatic comedy?

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  7. I have to agree 100% that R2 -is- the real hero of the franchise. He is the only character to keep his integrity from movie 1 of the new series (now middle series?) to movie 3 of the original series. If you insist I’ll break down and call it Star Wars VI. OK, there’s Ben, but he’s a minor character in comparison.

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  8. I knew M’s relationship with the last girl was doomed when she kept getting Chewbacca and Wickett mixed up in ROTJ. 😀

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    1. Can you imagine him describing spaghetti with meatballs, grilled swordfish, prime rib…anything chocolate? Sorry, what were we talking about, I got distracted. Oh yes, James Spader reading menus…oh, here I go again! 😉
      Go, enjoy and May The Force Be With You, Kate!!! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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  10. Huge plot hole (no one apparently knows about) of my beloved Back to the Future: In the third, Marty travels to the Old West to save Doc. But, the car is damaged once there, and there aren’t parts back then to fix it… BUT WHAT THE- WAIT! THERE ARE 2 DELORIANS IN THE PAST! The one Doc wrapped up in a cave for Marty, and the one Marty just arrived in. (“Let’s just ignore that,” the writer said.)

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    1. I hadn’t watched those movies in years, then my teen son was watching them and he was pointing out plot holes and logical gaps, but still enjoying them (well, parts of them) and you’re right, how can there be two Delorians? Thanks David, that’s a huge plot hole…maybe we need another ‘Back to the Future’ movie to explain it or for any reason at all. Just sayin’. 🙂

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  11. Pingback: And Did It My Way | ' Ace Social & Media News '

    1. Thanks so much for sharing this, Ian. 🙂
      Hope this week is being go to you so far. We’re getting unseasonably (whatever that really means nowadays) warm weather this November, quite enjoying it, keeping the snow at bay, how about you?
      May The Force Be With You. 🙂

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  12. I too felt a wrongness in the force when I learned that Lucas had voted to align with the galactic Disney empire, but much like the innocent bystanders of the republic I am willing to go along with it based entirely on what Abrams was able to do with Star Trek. Perhaps there is reason for a new, New Hope.

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  13. The things that bugged me a bit about Star Wars movies:

    Han Solo is encased in a monolith and has no other side effect but blindness (what about brain damage)?

    The very first Star Wars uniforms looked like there were manufactured from a costume store called cheap-plastics-R-us. That bothered me from the very first time I saw it when it was in the movie theaters in the 1970’s.

    The books let you imagine a better quality uniform.

    Occasionally, a Star Wars book is available on digital recorder. That, I can handle. 🙂

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    1. lol Yes, wasn’t Han lucky, and it was temporary too. 😉
      The costumes looked like those 70s Halloween costumes, remember the masks had that little piece of rubber on it and it never fit over your face, then it broke and you had to retie it, but it kept snapping; even if it did keep it on you couldn’t breath, so you only had about 10 seconds before you had to pull them up which usually broke the rubber piece again? And if you wore glasses you were out of luck. That’s what Star Wars uniforms reminded me of, it was a big movie, you’d think they could have afforded better costumes than classic Doctor Who.
      Awesome, thanks, you made me laugh and remember. 🙂

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  14. Ha ha – “Go home Star Wars, you’re drunk”. Brilliant! The whole post was a treat to read.

    I have a soft spot for Star Wars, but I do think the movies got worse as the series progressed. I could only stand to see Episode VI once. However, I could watch the first film once a month. (Plot holes? There are no plot holes in the first film. La la la – I can’t hear you.)

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    1. Thanks so much, David, I’m just writing whatever pops into my head, so pleased people are enjoying it. 🙂
      Hope this week has been treating you well (I look forward to hearing about it) and that this weekend is lovely. 🙂
      Super mega massive monster hugs! 🙂

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  19. Wonderful post and so clever as usual…
    “I’m thoughtful and thoughtless” … Well that one truly stood up… I love it… Clapping hands
    Happy weekend ahead, dear Donna… Love. Aquileana 💫✨

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    1. Thank you Paul, wow, I might borrow that as my new tagline. 😉
      Thanks for stopping by, glad we found each other in this monster virtual haystack, hope we can virtually visit often. 🙂
      All the best and hope this weekend is good to you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  24. Star entertainment here D. Although I’m not a great sci-fi fan, it’s hard not to have heard the many catch phrases. Needless to say, your posts make any genre entertaining. 🙂

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  26. I loved the first 3, or was it the middle 3, um maybe the last??? I’m so confused, but I loved your post!
    I told hubs what you said about Spader and he did a MAGNIFICENT impression of him reading a menu, be still my heart! Uh, gotta go, it suddenly got really warm in here!

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    1. In my generation (when dinosaurs ruled the Earth), it was 4-6 which we thought was really 1-3 until they actually did 1-3 (and in some cases wish they hadn’t)…I understand the confusion, completely. 😉
      Oh that’s delightful, you’ve got your very own James Spader, lucky you!!! Lucky, lucky you. 😉

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      1. I agree about wishing they hadn’t.

        It’s terribly delightful and sad that until last night I didn’t know! But now that I do, well, I leave that to your imagination! (And I am one lucky lady!)

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  27. This is brilliant. Loved star wars since I first saw it at the cinema (in the late 70’s) and again when it all got reinvented. 😀 Oh, no… actually I sort of lived through it before that with my two sons after Christmas one year. (mid 90’s) It was Darth (little red headed boy in a darth outfit with the energy of a ping pong ball at full speed) vs C-3P0 (not a pretty sight… had to feel sorry for the older brother!) 😀 To think, if they had looked after those toys and uniforms back then, they’d be worth a bloody fortune now!

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    1. Star Wars has meant so much to so many in different ways, it’s amazing how something as simple as a movies or a series of movies can affect our lives.
      I’m sure the little guys had fun, I’ll always remember my son ‘flying’ the Millennium Falcon around the yard. And yes, the cash would be fun too, but the memories still make us rich. 🙂

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    1. I’m a Star Wars fan, but the hype is scaring me off a tad, I’ll wait until the new year. Hope your son and husband enjoy it. 🙂
      Glad we found each other and hope we can virtually visit often. 🙂
      Happy Holidays and all the best for 2016! 🙂

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  29. Fitting that I would find this as I contemplate watching Rogue One. I too am scared of Disney’s fingerprints. I saw stormtroopers in the Disney Store at the mall today, and even still, threw up in my mouth a little. So glad I found this post on the Traffic Jam Weekend link up.

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    1. I confess after The Force Awakens I haven’t been brave enough to brave Rogue One either.
      I’m sorry you had to go through that, shudder. 😉
      #TrafficJamWeekend is awesome throwback fun.
      Hope this week is treating you kindly. (May The Force Be With You but not with Disney mall characters). 😉

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    1. Yes, I tend to be a bit of pop culture burp, hmmm, that might be my new tagline. lol 😉
      Always a fun party over at #FridayFrivolity
      Hope the week is treating you well. 🙂

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    1. Glad you liked it and glad we found each other in this big blogging virtual haystack.
      #TrafficJamWeekend is awesome, those folks know how to bring the past into the now. 🙂

      Like

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