Posted in Chocolate, Holidays, Uncategorized

Fifteen Shades of Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day brings out the wacky and tacky, classy and sassy.

1. Candy necklaces made into bikini tops, g-strings, posing pouches, and tassels, wait, you mean the candy we all associate with little children is now an erotic aid, um, creepy alert.

2. Eating bizarre foods to dream of your future partner, careful, that might just be indigestion.

3. Chocolate has long been suggested for the love-lorn, whether pharmaceutical or psychological, chocolate makes people happy. Fifty Shades of Chocolate works for me and it’ll be on sale Feb 15!

4. People travel from all over the world to Verona, Italy to leave letters addressed to Juliet. Seriously? If you want a trip to Italy, go for the pasta, but first, actually read Romeo and Juliet – two teens, together only a few days, and their ‘love’ caused a lot of deaths, including their own. Hmm, by that logic, Natural Born Killers  is super romantic.

5. Novelty gifts lose their novelty by about, oh, Feb 17.

6. Schools highlight the popular and point out the unpopular by having students give and buy Valentine’s Day cards, flowers, chocolates. Some students even send themselves items, strangely, this continues into adulthood, almost 20% of women send themselves flowers. Psst, ladies, there’s an app to make up a boyfriend too!

7. Nothing says ‘I know you’ better than a gift they don’t like. Or not.

8. Fifty Shades of BDSM – he’s as twisted as a pretzel, but he’ll change for you. Good luck with that, next you should become a hooker, meet a millionaire who hires you, then falls in love with you, wait, has that been done too? I really weep for the future, but it’s ok, look my tears have turned into puppies, unicorns, rainbows, and kittens. I guess imaginary love really does conquer all.

9. Heart-shaped anything is inaccurate and clichéd, instead give something from the heart.

10. Cupid costumes are not cute or sexy, think about it, you’re dressing up as a baby to look sexy, yup, refer to #1.

11. Heart-shaped branding iron – if I wanted to get burned, I’d just cook more.

12. Honesty Valentine’s – a new trend where you tell your Valentine you’ve been cheating to get a free pass. Oh, that’s going to work out soooo well.

13. XO symbolizes a kiss and a hug. The O is obvious (no, not that O), arms hugging someone, but some believe the X comes from Medieval Times – when someone couldn’t write, they signed their name as X then kissed it to show they were genuine. Oh, so that’s what ‘going Medieval‘ means.

14. Taxidermy, if they like it, it’s a cool gift, if not, it’s a never-hear-from-them-ever-a-restraining-order-might-be-in-order-ever-again gift. I’m sorry to say the same goes for zombie-themed gifts.

15. If you love someone, you don’t need gifts and don’t wait for Valentine’s Day to say it. Tell them you love them, even if they don’t say it back, no shame in that, you were expressing honest feelings.

Dear readers, whether you love Valentine’s Day, or hate it, remember, it’s just another day…love should be around all year long.



Very me

50 thoughts on “Fifteen Shades of Valentine’s Day

      1. My Canadian niece tells me that he (the one who has the valentine’s date) was also in The Office. I’m not sure that showed here in Australia …


  1. The novelty gifts….they lose that cuteness on Feb. 15th 12:01 AM for me. I always give my kids small gifts. This year I am trying to stay committed to the idea that they actually have to be useful.


  2. LMAO @ number 8!

    Listen, I always wait until Feb 15th to go buy my chocolate half off. I’m a practical romantic. 😉



  3. I hope I can still find 50% off chocolate tomorrow; went to buy some last minute candy today for my boys and husband and found that all the Easter stuff was out and all the Valentine’s stuff was already on the sale shelf… but only at 25% off…


    1. Thank you so much, so kind of you to share my posts. I’m so glad to hear people like my posts, if I can bring a smile, it makes it all worth while. 🙂
      Thank you again and again and hope the weekend is good to everyone and the week ahead treats you kindly. 🙂


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