John Malkovich as a pirate. Wait, it gets better, as Blackbeard the pirate, yes, the infamous Edward Teach being played by John Malkovich, on TV, every week. Pinch me I’m dreaming.
Crossbones sells itself.
The series is based on the book The Republic of Pirates by Colin Woodard (Harcourt) and it’s got 10 episodes, confirmed, starting May 30…tonight!
Created and written by Neil Cross (Doctor Who, Spooks, Luther) this series could easily be as surreal as Being John Malkovich, or Malkovich reading Twas The Night Before Christmas with his creepy add-ons to small children, or Malkovich as a fighter, lover, agent, hunter, ok, I admit, I have a thing for John Malkovich.
I’d love to sit and have tea and finger sandwiches with him. Listen to his hypnotic voice as he talks, watching him try to surreptitiously remove bits of bread and watercress from his teeth, ok, that got kind of weird, but I bet it would be a cool conversation.
Why the ongoing love affair with pirates?
I suppose if we saw them as they were, dirty, smelly essentially naval reserve bilge rats who just wanted to get rich, sort of like capitalists, but not as slimy, we might think differently.
But Hollywood super-romaticizes them, come on: Johnny Depp, Errol Flynn, Cary Elwes, Graham Chapman, Burt Lancaster, Hugh Bonneville, Douglas Fairbanks, Christopher Lee, Tyrone Power, Dustin Hoffman, Charles Laughton and now John Malkovich.
Pirates represent escape, freedom. Arrr! They live by their own rules, go where they want to go, do what they want to do and they’re always on a quest for treasure.
By the by, pirates rarely buried treasure, that’s a legend based on Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island. But they do have great outfits.
So grab your grog of choice, and set sail for Crossbones me lads and lasses.
Aye, that be the way!