Posted in Televison, Uncategorized

How to do Reality in 25 Steps or Less

bullying61. Be a ‘Real’ housewife or gypsy. You have to know how to fight.

2. Have multiple births, multiple wives, multiple weddings – sometimes more is more.

3. Be morbidly obese and trying to lose weight. Willing to be filmed naked or eating or naked while eating.

4. Tell people what to wear – maybe once Clinton Kelly passes on he can tell the Long Island Medium What Not To Wear.

5. Dying to be a model, even if your only qualifications are the abilities to pout and purge. 

6. Be a reclusive mountain man interested in being on TV, making money, letting people know where you live, and where your traps are.

7. Have a beard, a camouflage fetish, and difficulty stringing together a complete sentence.

8. Be Amish or a Hutterite, anxious to be on camera and horribly melodramatic.

9. Dance like everyone is watching, sing like there’s no tomorrow, and be willing to set things on fire, if things get dull.

10. Go to an island to get thin and whiny.pressexpress

11. Be a celebrity most people assumed were dead, but now are soooooo fascinating every minute of their lives must be watched.

12. Have a toddler you can dress as a hooker, or biker, or smoking or all the above. Learn to make flatulence fascinating. Burping, also a valued skill.

13. Be willing to date multiple partners or date someone with multiple partners. If I wanted to date a guy who was dating at least a dozen other women at the same time I would have just stayed in the music scene.

14. Let people pour things on you like insects, slime, snakes, etc.

15. Buy things, sell things, or whine endlessly about buying and selling things.

16. Live on the Jersey Shore with more DUIs than IQ points.


17. Have freaky obsessions, collections, things in storage or being bought from storage, or be a hoarder who cares so much about their stuff it’s in a pile of poop.

18. Live in a trailer park or be fired by Donald Trump, not necessarily in that order.

19. reality12Try to cook, if you can’t cook, then travel, swear, sell, drink, smoke, and be up for doing just about anything. Don’t limit yourself, do it all.

20. Be a Kardashian. I hope I don’t have to mentally Keep Up With The Kardashians, ’cause I had that covered when I was  about 10.

21. Go to jail or get out of jail, either way, Do Not Pass Go.

22. Try to marry a millionaire or marry your cat or yourself, just say yes to a dress already!

23. Live in a house with complete strangers, act ridiculous, and let it all be filmed.

24. Have multiple camera angles even when you’re alone, tracking someone down, on a boat, in a plane, or on an ice road.
(Are these Paranormal cameras? Note to self, copyright and sell the idea for Paranormal Island.)

25. Be the crack-smoking, drunk Mayor of a large city.

So these are ‘Real’ people making ‘real-life’ decisions, really?

Here we are, just tiny strides into the evolutionary cycle and we went and got ourselves all kind of dumb. Or maybe it just appears that way.

I have no evidence to back any of this up, it’s merely speculation.

TV – meant to distract from reality, now infested with so-called reality.

Enjoy them for what they are, just know that kind of reality…isn’t real.




Very me

15 thoughts on “How to do Reality in 25 Steps or Less

    I agree with D.Parker, that “TV was meant to distract from reality, now it’s infested with so-called reality shows.” Her 25 points are so real to people!


  2. Wow, that really made me laugh! And it’s all true, sadly. I can’t stand reality TV and think most stuff on television is crap anyway. Even movies have gotten terrible. Good thing books are still around and great stuff comes out every so often. Awesome list!


  3. Hi-larious. LOL – I cannot do reality shows, in fact I can’t do most TV. We cut cable and I totally don’t miss it. The one I still would maybe watch if I could …is the Amazing Race, because it’s virtual travelling for me. Other than that I feel like it all sucks my brain cells out of my ears…slowly.


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