It took me a long time to understand the culture was the problem, not me. Having said that I’ve also lost a substantial amount of weight and am keeping it off, but that’s for health, not image.
Like most women I have tried every diet known to humans, also a few I believe might have been of extraterrestrial origin.
Low carbs, high carbs, no carbs.
Hypnosis (you won’t eat the fried chicken, you are the fried chicken).
Keto. Low calorie. Raw. Watermelon.
Chocolate (already there).
Bernstein. Tube-feeding. Egg.
Zombie (fresh brains).
Seafood. Jenny. Wheat Belly.
Martha’s Vineyard (does this involve wine?).
High protein, low protein, no protein.
17 Day (I didn’t even last 17 hours).
No sugar. No dairy. No fruit. No wheat. No food.
Beyond Broccoli (take me to this magical place!).
Green drink. Asian. Abs. HCG.
Hot Latin (sign me up).
Shakes, powders, bars. Fasting.
Detox (am I going to cupcake rehab?).
Gluten Free. Macrobiotic. Grapefruit.
Aztec (Isn’t this diet extinct?).
Volumetrics. MILF. Gluten-free. Atkins.
Baby Food. Low fat, no fat.
Baby Boomer (not old enough for this one).
Biggest Loser. Hungry Girl. Subway.
Scarsdale (that’s a killer one…what? Too soon?).
Anti-Aging. Alternate Day. Anabolic. Acai Berry.
Fat Smash (Isn’t that the band that did Hey Now You’re An All Star? No? Should have been).
5 Bite Diet. Thermogenic. Blood type.
Peanut butter (awww, no jelly?).
Cambridge. South Beach. Zone.
Fat Burning Bible (as opposed to the other burning the other bible describes).
Weight Watchers. Flexitarian. Vegetarian.
My Big Fat Greek Diet (that’s ok, I make you lamb).
Tracy Anderson. Sonoma. Paleo.
Cookie Diet (while tasty that didn’t turn out so well).
Hormones. Herbs. Mediterranean.
Martini (this sounds promising).
Vegan. Fast Track. Slim-Fast.
New Beverly Hills (I’d like to try the Beverly Hillbillies Diet, they were all thin).
Warrior. Hallelujah. Master Cleanse.
Skinny, er, the B word (I can be that without being skinny).
Combining foods. Blending foods. Juicing foods.
Ice Cream Diet (they might not have meant Heavenly Hash, oops).
Crash. Curves. Cabbage soup. Cottonball.
Best Life (no, I’d rather try the Worst Life Diet).
3-Hour. Belly Fat. Glycemic Index.
French Women Don’t Get Fat (actually, some do).
Model Diet. Five factor. Shangri-La.
Can I get an Amen?
Exercise. Standing on your head while singing The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow. Did I mention exercise?
Why? Because someone told you that you were the wrong size.
If someone had said you were the wrong colour they’d be called a bigot.
If someone had said you were the wrong religion, well, that can start a war.
But it’s ok to say you’re the wrong size, more than ok, it’s encouraged.