Posted in Autism, Parenting, Televison, Uncategorized

Floating to Autism

au2Suspended in time, floating through space…sounds overly dramatic, but there it was. The sensation was unmistakable. The doctor kept saying words, but he shouldn’t be saying them about your child.A child that could have won contests for most beautiful baby. Brilliant, funny, and clever. Yet the doctor keeps saying more words and you keep floating. Pervasive Developmental Disorder. Float. Asperger’s Syndrome. Float.

Autism. You abruptly stop floating for a second. Autism? Wait, back it up, did he say ‘Autism’? My child can’t have Autism. My child speaks fluently, uses large words, and has a vocabulary many adults would envy.

Then your mind is roughly yanked backward. Memories cut through the cloudy haze of your suspension. Your baby lying happily staring at fans and mobiles going around and around. A tiny flutter then a dull thud starts in your head.

Thomas the tank engineYour mind recalls the endless times your son would line up his Thomas The Tank Engine trains over and over and over: first by colour, then by size, then by age, steam engines first and then diesels. That was just because he was so smart, right? Right?

The car mat and cars your parents bought him – he didn’t zoom the cars along the streets, he lined them up, again, by colour, by size, by shape, by model.

That thudding was now like a distant drumming.

Flashes of him walking on his tiptoes. Inflexibility. Poor motor development. Flash.

Overreaction to touch. Parallel play. Little or no eye contact. Flash.

Picking. Hand flapping. Hypersensitivity. Flash.

Monologues of special interests. Changes and transitions that were ordeals and more. His inability to lie or keep his thoughts to himself no matter what trouble it caused. The truth his King and he, a Knight of the King’s court willing to serve at all costs. All the reasons you had brought him to these doctors. The flashing and drumming are now a throbbing thunderstorm inside your brain.

My little miracle. My inflexible, uncompromising, stubborn, brilliant, wonderful little miracle.

The doctor was saying the words because they were true.

Yet the words could be so much worse and you think, okay, we can do this.

The storm subsides to a dull roar that you will hear inside your mind from that moment on.

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Very me

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